| RT @MmeLaCrooz: So I was mid-sentence when I wondered what you call those drapes of long paddles/blades in a drive-thru car wash and now I'… | |
| Mon May 25 22:38:44 +0000 2015 | RT @SuMacDan: I’m just a girl, standing in my closet wondering why I gave all my fat jeans away. |
| Mon May 25 22:36:21 +0000 2015 | RT @MythicalCrystal: I just tweeted so hard that I broke my symbolism and I'm drinking from a thimble. this is such a silly way for all wor… |
| Mon May 25 22:35:32 +0000 2015 | RT @nezror: Doesn't have to be eternal I'm not asking that I never would. Just share this moment in time with me & forget everyone else unt… |
| Mon May 25 22:31:26 +0000 2015 | RT @SSnatter: I think I have levitated toward the wrong crowd on here. Funny (or not funny?) how this twitterverse can seem to mirror RL. … |
| Mon May 25 22:26:54 +0000 2015 | RT @sssh_squirrel: I retweeted someone and the arrows fell off, what kind of new fuckery is this? |
| Mon May 25 22:26:18 +0000 2015 | RT @LoveScopes: "Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different." – Kath… |
| Mon May 25 22:26:11 +0000 2015 | RT @c123harrris: You probably get at least 4 x as much oral sex as you thought you did because ghosts. |
| Mon May 25 22:14:36 +0000 2015 | RT @cloudypianos: I've been on twitter since 2009 and I've got to say I think it's the best it's ever been. |
| Mon May 25 22:05:20 +0000 2015 | RT @LadyHembra: Never have I had more love than as a Twitter Alpaca. I'm sexy, and swatting them off like flies or a parasitic bird. |
| Sun May 24 02:23:35 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: "Our pizza is gonna get cold," she subtweeted @Dumbassador, who was busy tending to his alpaca army. |
| Sun May 24 02:23:29 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: I'll be done with all my plans for the weekend as soon as this tweet is complete. |
| Sun May 24 02:23:23 +0000 2015 | RT @jomartin26: Live your life according to the purity of waffles and nothing will come against you. |
| Sun May 24 02:23:13 +0000 2015 | RT @lazydoxy: I'm tired of following my dreams. I'm going to ask where they are going and meet up with them later. ~ Jim Weaver. |
| Sun May 24 02:23:02 +0000 2015 | RT @KatWar1: Being abducted and no one noticing is an alien concept to some. |
| Sun May 24 02:21:53 +0000 2015 | RT @jomartin26: Pouring rain shall not deter me from grilling on an open face grill. #grillpatriot |
| Sun May 24 02:21:16 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: Are there any movies about a woman who's in her late 30's and she has a boyfriend who doesn't love cats but then he learns … |
| Sun May 24 02:04:01 +0000 2015 | RT @WWHellKitten: Margaritas, Mexican food and a pineapple upside down cake.... How I do Saturdays.... |
| Sun May 24 02:02:01 +0000 2015 | RT @ClubNette: Casually sipping a large milkshake while the watching the water and foam in the car wash. Bluetooth playing Last Dance with… |
| Sun May 24 02:01:06 +0000 2015 | RT @skoots777: I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue. |
| Sun May 24 02:00:45 +0000 2015 | RT @ClubNette: check in. aspects present. verbal receipts in the harmonic sense. rhythm reigns. skeleton moves. body rocks. dancing seats. … |
| Sun May 24 01:58:26 +0000 2015 | RT @LoveScopes: The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. ~ Ernest Hemingway #quote |
| Sun May 24 01:56:53 +0000 2015 | RT @9DaysOld: Procrastination is protecting me from everything in life that I don't fuckin' wanna do. |
| Fri May 22 06:40:49 +0000 2015 | RT @LadyHembra: I'd inform you of my other aliases if you asked a Lady. I'm an Alpaca not a catfish. Happy to chat and hum. |
| Fri May 22 06:40:45 +0000 2015 | RT @LadyHembra: I'm just a little Alpaca with a new haircut, and some fancy knee high boots. Barely legal, probably. |
| Fri May 22 06:40:19 +0000 2015 | RT @LadyHembra: How do I tell my Twitter cat husband that I have an Alpaca boyfriend on Twitter? How do I tell my real life husband I am a … |
| Fri May 22 06:40:10 +0000 2015 | RT @LadyHembra: Retweeeeeet me, I'm beggggghing for a retweeeeeet. for a retweeeeeeeet. pathetic alpacas. |
| Fri May 22 06:39:57 +0000 2015 | RT @LadyHembra: I think that I just got dumped. Online. By an Alpaca. |
| Fri May 22 06:39:34 +0000 2015 | RT @LadyHembra: It's impossible to figure you out, and that's just the way you like it. I on the other hand want to know you better. |
| Fri May 22 06:39:21 +0000 2015 | RT @LadyHembra: My instructor told me that with my hooves I could sweep you off your feet. |
| Mon May 18 16:06:40 +0000 2015 | A friend surmised a Twitter-related shirt's material might be made of 2-ply. Despite my curiosity, I'm afraid it'll still be a no buy by me. |
| Mon May 18 06:46:25 +0000 2015 | RT @Clampetunia: Negative Emotions Don't Obey the Law of Attraction | Psychology Today https://t.co/mBnxVx480p |
| Sat May 16 21:31:16 +0000 2015 | RT @Crossjostle: doll i know picks nose says she wants to breathe bets if she has 2 shits to give it is in nostrils they live asked me to… |
| Sat May 16 21:30:36 +0000 2015 | RT @MythicalCrystal: Bring back the llama dramas and the alpaca slackers, and find my twitter cat. |
| Sat May 16 21:29:57 +0000 2015 | RT @Robohobot: I understand cats pretty well except for when they say, "Fucking waaaa.." I always think they're expressing their displeasur… |
| Sat May 16 21:29:41 +0000 2015 | RT @TheBookofTweet: Her: "When we go to heaven, we'll discover God's a cat & be glad we treated them so nice." Him: "I'm not gonna be happ… |
| Fri May 15 16:47:31 +0000 2015 | RT @YellowOrigami: I see doubts, and feel the urge to hug them out. |
| Fri May 15 16:47:18 +0000 2015 | RT @theothervoices: Why do people keep writing lists on all the damn buckets? *kicks bucket* •Bucket list....duh• *blinks* |
| Fri May 15 16:46:49 +0000 2015 | RT @Dan_the_Butcher: Trying to watch Jerry Garcia interviews on youtube and my skateboard yolo children are blasting dubstep. |
| Fri May 15 16:46:05 +0000 2015 | RT @Cheeseboy22: Someday, my children will tell their children, "I remember when I asked grandpa to play catch but he was writing a joke on… |
| Fri May 15 16:45:37 +0000 2015 | RT @meaculpau27: Today is my Birthday. I guess this is a warning? http://t.co/8Ry2FD4cnH |
| Fri May 15 16:45:14 +0000 2015 | RT @OtisPdQ: Old Habits Die Hard. Starring Bruce Willis. Coming to a theater near that one Starbucks with the homeless guy peeing outside. |
| Fri May 15 16:37:36 +0000 2015 | RT @Willowbottom: I know you look at me and you think everything is fine but underneath it all the tag on my panties is really chafing my b… |
| Fri May 15 16:36:28 +0000 2015 | RT @CosmicCat: Come to the dark side. We have cookies... & cake, yeah, lots of yummy cake. ..… |
| Fri May 15 16:36:11 +0000 2015 | RT @hadavan_: I think I slept too much last night, now I have a headache and need to poo... |
| Fri May 15 16:35:01 +0000 2015 | RT @rachel2manypaws: Brick by layered brick .. you lost me. |
| Fri May 15 16:34:36 +0000 2015 | RT @dressedinblack: Watching Wonder Pets with a sick kid and suddenly have a strong urge to hunt for ducks. |
| Fri May 15 16:32:03 +0000 2015 | RT @whiteliquidppr: Pink house painters. |
| Fri May 15 16:28:48 +0000 2015 | RT @whiteliquidppr: Make love happen again, universe. |
| Fri May 15 16:28:19 +0000 2015 | RT @whiteliquidppr: I know you have more cats than sense, but make me your 2000. |
| Fri May 15 16:28:01 +0000 2015 | RT @whiteliquidppr: If none of this really matters, why do we do it? |
| Fri May 15 16:27:11 +0000 2015 | RT @whiteliquidppr: Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat, and cats are useless. - Ron Swanson. |
| Fri May 15 16:25:53 +0000 2015 | RT @whiteliquidppr: You'll find the genesis of funk in cold sweat. |
| Fri May 15 15:18:54 +0000 2015 | "Morgan Freeman is still Jimi Hendrix, though, right?" ~conspiracy theorists react to news about the death of B.B. King |
| Fri May 15 15:14:19 +0000 2015 | RT @LoveScopes: If someone really wants to see you, they will find a reason, they will find a way & they will make the effort. |
| Fri May 15 15:14:03 +0000 2015 | RT @ClubNette: he lowers his head & the nape of his neck has delicate hair under the brim of his backwards hat I am mesmerized by his so… |
| Fri May 15 15:13:47 +0000 2015 | RT @jomartin26: Stop muffin abuse.... |
| Fri May 15 15:13:06 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: "Eels exposed to low doses of cocaine may have trouble selecting sexual partners," said the wide-awake scientist with a hin… |
| Fri May 15 15:12:53 +0000 2015 | What happens when you give eels cocaine? https://t.co/cfNLsRl8Fn |
| Fri May 15 15:09:51 +0000 2015 | RT @turduvadove: The Dude abides while the Buddha tries to deny that's him in the leaked Internet video, motorboating strippers. "Ahhh,..Bu… |
| Fri May 15 15:09:01 +0000 2015 | RT @Midwipe: Name 1 person who doesn't like cheesecake and i'll name you one silly person. Yeah, but will it be the same person or some dif… |
| Fri May 15 15:02:24 +0000 2015 | RT @dejdlo: And the men were still allowed to run for office, but did lose their right to vote. Women, of course, got banned from office du… |
| Fri May 15 15:02:22 +0000 2015 | RT @flightcarnival: And then the he-whore she named Eeyore became her manwife and although still retaining his sexual privileges, he did lo… |
| Fri May 15 14:45:22 +0000 2015 | RT @vivalacrap: Maybe he doesn't text back because he doesn't know how conversations work. |
| Fri May 15 14:45:13 +0000 2015 | RT @vivalacrap: Sorry I can't bang you, this is a dating experiment and you're in the control group. |
| Fri May 15 14:44:24 +0000 2015 | "This could be us, but you're plane." ~girl shows boyfriend a picture of a cute couple on the cover of Bride Train magazine |
| Thu May 14 21:16:28 +0000 2015 | RT @MythicalCrystal: The Alpacas are baaack. That's all I'm saying. |
| Wed May 13 04:20:54 +0000 2015 | Nobody knows for sure if what the flavor ginger alien tastes like is real. |
| Wed May 13 04:18:45 +0000 2015 | Nobody knows for sure if ginger alien has a flavor. |
| Tue May 12 09:23:06 +0000 2015 | RT @hadavan_: My new goal in life is to be taken to court and have to recreate my "sex noises!" |
| Tue May 12 09:23:03 +0000 2015 | RT @Fingers_of_Fury: Sorry I swiped left, but your name is Shannon. |
| Tue May 12 09:22:57 +0000 2015 | RT @asdfsemi: Babies born on an airplane tend to slip right off the fuselage. |
| Tue May 12 09:22:53 +0000 2015 | RT @1000mindsofme: If you took it at all seriously that is your issue to wrangle with. I'm dangling thoughts pulled out of the thin air. |
| Tue May 12 09:22:42 +0000 2015 | RT @SomerM: @SomerM I got a blank stare for this. Aaaand that's why I'm on Twitter! |
| Tue May 12 09:22:40 +0000 2015 | RT @SomerM: Husband: HR is making us detail objectives for the coming year. Me: Tell them you want to ejaculate so hard it comes out of you… |
| Tue May 12 09:22:31 +0000 2015 | RT @meaculpau27: Timely today. Jed's A Millionaire - "Eyes": http://t.co/4IUsp1Gnrz |
| Tue May 12 09:22:18 +0000 2015 | RT @meaculpau27: My thoughts exactly. http://t.co/GsqxjsIIkB |
| Tue May 12 09:21:58 +0000 2015 | RT @shaggykwb: if you could go back in time, how many head slaps would you give yourself? |
| Tue May 12 09:21:38 +0000 2015 | RT @pimewasgood: Sure, I'll vouch for you. |
| Tue May 12 09:21:30 +0000 2015 | RT @MythicalCrystal: C'mere, let me exaggerate all over you. |
| Tue May 12 09:21:29 +0000 2015 | RT @asdfsemi: [laundry room staring at phone] W:*indistinct* Me:what's that? W:hi M:*laughs like hyena* hi how are you? ...it's quiet the r… |
| Fri May 08 06:46:39 +0000 2015 | RT @singingdoves13: If Twilight Zone still came on I wouldn't be here.... |
| Fri May 08 05:23:01 +0000 2015 | To be clear, I asked if you could juggle all these balls. Only then was when your face paint plan to get them soaked in root beer succeeded. |
| Fri May 08 05:19:36 +0000 2015 | RT @rachel2manypaws: She asked if I wanted a tray for the 6 coffees & now the cops are here. |
| Fri May 08 05:19:24 +0000 2015 | RT @_davidlucas_: My main ambition at this conference is to arrive just in time for food, and without enough time to talk to people. |
| Fri May 08 05:19:10 +0000 2015 | RT @Bredwh: I played catch with my dad but I dropped him. |
| Fri May 08 05:18:57 +0000 2015 | RT @AceFlavored: I believe my tweets will go in the first round *waits with @AceFlavored hats |
| Fri May 08 05:18:21 +0000 2015 | RT @asdfsemi: Pretty sure my neighbor and I are communicating through an elaborate series of toilet flushing. |
| Fri May 08 05:18:11 +0000 2015 | RT @MythicalCrystal: The tweets came from somewhere while she learned to live in the moment. |
| Fri May 08 05:17:36 +0000 2015 | RT @Losephine: I've lived life to the fullest once, and it was dumb. |
| Fri May 08 05:14:58 +0000 2015 | RT @typ0negative: The way to solve a problem is to form a committee. Everybody knows that. |
| Fri May 08 05:13:54 +0000 2015 | RT @c123harrris: I just want you to like me enough to enhance my avi. |
| Fri May 08 05:13:39 +0000 2015 | RT @c123harrris: Yes, finally. But too late. http://t.co/y3tWWzHXZt |
| Fri May 08 05:12:56 +0000 2015 | RT @whiteliquidppr: Nobody keeps brothel receipts. |
| Fri May 08 05:12:00 +0000 2015 | RT @c123harrris: Man, I smell like I'm from Buffalo. |
| Fri May 08 05:11:02 +0000 2015 | RT @AddledPixie: If I were a cop, I'd annoy the other cops because I'd never tire of using an old-timey voice to tell perps they were going… |
| Fri May 08 05:10:06 +0000 2015 | RT @c123harrris: If a guy named Ed Balls loses to a guy named Arnie Craven or David Dews, then I don't know what the fuck. |
| Fri May 08 05:09:03 +0000 2015 | RT @kickitupanacho: People that claim to have no "fucks to give", sure seem to keep a close eye on their fuck supply. |
| Fri May 08 05:08:37 +0000 2015 | RT @cloudypianos: i'm the most competitive type b personality in this yarn store |
| Fri May 08 05:08:13 +0000 2015 | RT @UnFitz: You've got an awful lot of rules for someone who fucks around on the internet all day. |
| Fri May 08 05:08:09 +0000 2015 | RT @cowboyjeffkent: *Walks into work holding cat Sorry my sitter cancelled last minute. |
| Fri May 08 05:07:20 +0000 2015 | RT @findmydolls: These days I can never tell if a guy is hot, or the ravaged ghost of a Civil War soldier. |
| Fri May 08 05:06:58 +0000 2015 | RT @DriftLight: I just found a huge stash of Middle Earth tweets. So happy for you guys. |
| Fri May 08 05:06:51 +0000 2015 | RT @AddledPixie: What's the emoji for when you let your cat sleep on your legs & stomach even though it kills your sciatica? It's an old la… |
| Fri May 08 05:06:44 +0000 2015 | RT @Smug_Lemur: They say exercise helps depression but if exercise really wanted to help, it would bring me warm bread with butter and mayb… |
| Fri May 08 05:06:31 +0000 2015 | RT @brokefloormat: If you want to see a bobcat, you can always just rename him. |
| Fri May 08 05:06:24 +0000 2015 | RT @Bananamaste: And that's when she started telling me a few facts about alkaline that she had misheard. |
| Fri May 08 05:06:12 +0000 2015 | RT @1Tortured_soul: Haunted by the spirit of a record store that once radiated with life. |
| Fri May 08 05:06:01 +0000 2015 | RT @Izianikapani: Tell him every day how much he loves you. |
| Fri May 08 05:05:57 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: Can't wait to see pics of what the royal baby wore to her birth. |
| Fri May 08 05:05:50 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: Went outside at 3am to see a wild bobcat and got scared out of my wits by a 2ft statue of a frog. |
| Fri May 08 05:05:44 +0000 2015 | RT @JustinGuarini: I found the cat emojis and that's who I am as a person now. |
| Fri May 08 05:05:23 +0000 2015 | RT @AnemoneOh: Bb I knew we were meant to be one when I saw yr silky tweet coursing down my feed like a butterscotch stallion riding a long… |
| Fri May 08 05:05:10 +0000 2015 | RT @GrabTheWEness: Sorry I couldn't protest with you, but I'm staunchly anti-test. |
| Fri May 08 05:04:58 +0000 2015 | RT @Darkntwistd: Green Popsicles count as your vegetable for the day don't they |
| Fri May 08 05:04:48 +0000 2015 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: Everyone in waffle house bows down and worships me when I play the jukebox with my phone. The natives fear technology. |
| Fri May 08 05:04:40 +0000 2015 | RT @FeralCrone: FF the wild-looking lady who just paused on 2nd St to harmonize, hand to ear like Christina Aguilera, with a yowling cat be… |
| Fri May 08 05:04:27 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: Huffington Post put me on their list of "Funniest Women Who Trip Over Their Own Sandals While Trying To Walk Down The Stree… |
| Fri May 08 05:04:19 +0000 2015 | RT @kwirkyKerri: I find it very easy to be nice on twitter. Those of you that go out of your way to be mean baffle me. |
| Fri May 08 05:03:34 +0000 2015 | RT @kickitupanacho: Who called it Fanny Farmer instead of Obstetrician? (A joke that possibly neither Brits nor Americans will like) |
| Fri May 08 05:03:17 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: Americans believe we invented the concept of being famous for doing nothing as if the British royal family hasn't been arou… |
| Fri May 08 05:03:08 +0000 2015 | RT @spookyparticles: Just in case you thought you couldn't find it, there is no pan flute emoji. |
| Fri May 08 05:02:38 +0000 2015 | RT @sheepandrobots: I collect things like graphic leggings, divorce decrees and rusted glitter. |
| Fri May 08 05:02:33 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: I enjoyed reading all 57 tweets you wrote about how busy and unmanageable your life is. |
| Fri May 08 05:02:25 +0000 2015 | RT @dietredbull: Thought of writing something abt the royal baby but then thought abt it better & long story short just read this tweet in … |
| Fri May 08 05:02:16 +0000 2015 | RT @WheelTod: I don't even care if it's a scam. Just the thought that a Nigerian prince took the time to write me a personal note has reall… |
| Fri May 08 05:02:06 +0000 2015 | RT @Henry_3k: If you have the right to wear clothes with words printed on your behind I have the right, nay duty to read them aloud. |
| Fri May 08 05:01:46 +0000 2015 | RT @AnemoneOh: treat others as ye would be treated, like a gilded marzipan baby, a virgin water nymph, a translucent cherub, a unicorn's le… |
| Fri May 08 05:01:37 +0000 2015 | RT @AddledPixie: The breakfast table was perfectly set. He smoothed out the NYTimes crossword & began filling it in with obscenities, giggl… |
| Fri May 08 05:01:31 +0000 2015 | RT @HarryRamble: A year after mailing it and getting no reply, I realize my Letter to the Editor of Coin Collector Magazine may have been t… |
| Fri May 08 05:01:22 +0000 2015 | RT @AnemoneOh: Mom was a carnie and Dad was an investment banker, but we never let on that he embarrassed us. |
| Fri May 08 05:01:12 +0000 2015 | RT @commuter_haiku: Just entered a room with automatic lights, so I get it, Kanye. |
| Fri May 08 05:01:08 +0000 2015 | RT @FeralCrone: I saw a woman crying on the sidewalk. I spread my arms, encircling her in my caftan. "It's ok. I'm a traveling panic room. … |
| Fri May 08 05:00:43 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: Him: My coworker said I drive like an old man. Me: What? That's completely untrue. Him: Thank you. Me: It's more like an ol… |
| Thu May 07 23:09:09 +0000 2015 | All we are's an avi merrily merrily vanishing as the stream scrolls down the screen. |
| Thu May 07 23:00:37 +0000 2015 | RT @smhbrb: I fell asleep out of boredom and right after I woke up, the power came back on. I would be the laziest Amish person ever. |
| Thu May 07 22:59:04 +0000 2015 | RT @drewpetrou: Do you think a grape desires to be wine? On your knees.... |
| Thu Apr 30 05:25:53 +0000 2015 | Technically, ixnay and it's May don't rhyme. |
| Sat Apr 25 02:37:31 +0000 2015 | RT @gobmentcheese: You obviously have me confused with someone with lesser Wing Chun skills, I say & throw a hammer fist as the guy in the … |
| Sat Apr 25 02:37:15 +0000 2015 | RT @Crossjostle: Ask Andrew W.K.: 'Do You Ever Get Depressed?' http://t.co/nrAO6kU6Iv |
| Fri Apr 17 05:42:18 +0000 2015 | RT @Crossjostle: funny boy sings heavy metal http://t.co/8HGElpMPBn |
| Fri Apr 17 05:38:47 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: It's okay to lie to spare someone's feelings or if the reason you're late to work involves "Baby rocks out to heavy metal" … |
| Thu Apr 16 07:03:43 +0000 2015 | RT @trill_sometimes: the grapes at this lecture have something in common with me: both unwashed |
| Thu Apr 16 07:03:41 +0000 2015 | RT @trill_sometimes: the grapes of wrath, the winter of our discontent, john steinbeck why are you so angry |
| Thu Apr 16 07:03:38 +0000 2015 | RT @trill_sometimes: imagine if every depressed person was put on a lil farm and kids could come by and feed them grapes and give them blan… |
| Thu Apr 16 04:31:41 +0000 2015 | RT @Crossjostle: The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. |
| Wed Apr 15 05:20:11 +0000 2015 | RT @control_zed: The day the crows caught laryngitis and all the other animals got to sleep in. |
| Wed Apr 15 05:20:03 +0000 2015 | RT @control_zed: She'd shout from the rooftops about the beans she sprouted but pay no mind to yer flowers. |
| Wed Apr 15 05:20:03 +0000 2015 | RT @Darkntwistd: That awkward moment when you realize he's not using you for the sex, but he really likes you |
| Wed Apr 15 05:19:59 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: Got the results of my 23andMe DNA test and was surprised to learn that my great-great-grandmother emigrated as a first-gene… |
| Wed Apr 15 05:19:55 +0000 2015 | RT @protolalia: If social work has taught me anything, it's that a well-timed fake seizure can get you out of almost any uncomfortable situ… |
| Wed Apr 15 05:19:53 +0000 2015 | RT @HASDays: Now that we're all LGBT-friendly, do men still have to do the back-pat in a friendly guy hug? |
| Sun Mar 22 16:45:06 +0000 2015 | RT @SSnatter: Don't watch a sport just for the sake of watching a sport. There are other things to do on Sundays. So I hear. I may have t… |
| Sun Mar 22 16:44:25 +0000 2015 | RT @SSnatter: Love Letter https://t.co/H9V37lJoq5 I can't get enough of this... |
| Sat Mar 07 16:49:25 +0000 2015 | RT @c123harrris: Him: Oy, mate! Interest you in something that fell out the back end of a Laurie? Me: *buys Laurie's stool* |
| Sat Mar 07 16:49:23 +0000 2015 | RT @mjkeegs: I've decided to become a pizza roll critic. |
| Sat Mar 07 16:49:20 +0000 2015 | RT @_raphus: http://t.co/wcS41Xm2Gi DAY'S END ~ *poem* via @_raphus |
| Sat Mar 07 16:49:18 +0000 2015 | RT @beingtheo: Keep it good. Sweet dreams! |
| Sat Mar 07 16:49:13 +0000 2015 | RT @MythicalCrystal: meow meow mrow meow mrow purr hiss. |
| Sat Mar 07 16:49:06 +0000 2015 | RT @MythicalCrystal: All the twitter cats are purring. |
| Sat Mar 07 16:48:57 +0000 2015 | RT @CosmicCat: I'd wear a bunny-eared hat if I had one. It's sad really. |
| Sat Mar 07 16:48:51 +0000 2015 | RT @CosmicCat: It's no fun without the bun. Or a purple tongue; from eating jelly bean tacos.. .. at night, in the dark, in the fort.… |
| Sat Mar 07 16:48:48 +0000 2015 | RT @CosmicCat: Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them. - Tenzin Gyatso |
| Sat Mar 07 16:44:10 +0000 2015 | RT @MythicalCrystal: Stop chugging grape flavoured purple. |
| Fri Mar 06 01:10:46 +0000 2015 | RT @Willowbottom: I had a dream last night I was Jim Morrison's lover. I know what you're thinking and yes. I was amazing. |
| Fri Mar 06 01:09:30 +0000 2015 | RT @1Tortured_soul: Men seem threatened by a woman that eats her weight in dirt and applesauce each day. |
| Fri Mar 06 01:08:34 +0000 2015 | RT @BingMinus: It was supposed to be waltz but it turned out to be a dying swan when I flipped that chair over with my bare beak power and … |
| Fri Mar 06 01:03:37 +0000 2015 | RT @MythicalCrystal: For just one day, all her tweets had 'your vagina' inserted in them. |
| Fri Mar 06 00:57:28 +0000 2015 | RT @SarahsJokes: Because men can't, giraffes have to blow themselves or they die immediately after birth. Thems the rules. |
| Fri Mar 06 00:52:24 +0000 2015 | RT @LoveScopes: “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” ― Kurt Vonnegut ♥ |
| Fri Mar 06 00:48:27 +0000 2015 | RT @rachel2manypaws: I never want to not want a balloon tied around my wrist.. |
| Fri Mar 06 00:44:03 +0000 2015 | RT @rachel2manypaws: Take a sledge hammer to the walls or paint my nails? Thursday night thoughts. |
| Fri Mar 06 00:41:24 +0000 2015 | RT @everylilthing: basically the only reason i ever do anything is bc i dont want to get in trouble |
| Thu Mar 05 05:21:59 +0000 2015 | RT @rotusbrossum: I Smell Grape.. |
| Thu Mar 05 05:21:30 +0000 2015 | 5 Pathetic Groups That People Think Rule the World -... http://t.co/GGJaQGCDdb |
| Thu Feb 12 17:15:52 +0000 2015 | 1 Canuck haiku A can of grape pop, Ketchup on Kraft Dinner, eh? 2 Cans of grape pop Ketchup on Kraft Dinner, eh? Tales about.. a boot? |
| Thu Feb 12 16:32:38 +0000 2015 | I doodle in Joyce to embrace my Finnegan’s Wake & bake as the whispering eye of her shaved poodle makes hypnotic sounds & funny faces at me. |
| Thu Feb 12 16:18:31 +0000 2015 | RT @lazydoxy: I'm too tired to be miserable any more. I've shed it like the skin of a snake. New skin is scary. But weightless. |
| Thu Feb 12 16:17:57 +0000 2015 | RT @lindsaynothing: Say something awkward. Make it fucking weird. |
| Thu Feb 12 16:15:15 +0000 2015 | RT @ArtIsMyPorn: Pants so tight, you could rub my clit with your imagination. |
| Thu Feb 12 16:12:13 +0000 2015 | RT @erickomans: "Wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka hnng *spurt*" ~ Ms. Pacman gobblin' Pacman fat dick yo. |
| Thu Feb 12 16:06:18 +0000 2015 | RT @calluptome: Edgar Allen Poe was creepy fun in bed.... |
| Thu Feb 12 16:03:25 +0000 2015 | RT @countgraf: Sometimes when I wanna feel famous I glue a coffee mug to the roof of my car and drive around an watch everyone as they wave… |
| Thu Feb 12 16:02:35 +0000 2015 | RT @jennslyn: Sat out back and enjoyed a smoke as the sun came up. A little coffee, a little Twitter. I had a good poop. Life is good. |
| Thu Feb 12 15:58:55 +0000 2015 | RT @CosmicCat: Take a deep breath.. we're all in this together. |
| Thu Feb 12 15:58:17 +0000 2015 | RT @jwalkonthemoon: I threw a bunch of peas out of a sauce pan one time so yeah I have a podcast. HAHAHAHA. See what I did there? |
| Thu Feb 12 15:55:51 +0000 2015 | RT @IamEveryDayPpl: I farted in a Starbucks once and 3 Chads thought I'd spoke to them :/ |
| Thu Feb 12 15:53:29 +0000 2015 | RT @carbajalme: 50 is the new 30. I told that to my friend that owes me 30 dollars. |
| Thu Feb 12 15:52:45 +0000 2015 | RT @c123harrris: The other day I successfully did a 3-part handshake with my friend Lou after he gave me a second try. |
| Thu Feb 12 15:51:14 +0000 2015 | RT @LadyHembra: When I refer to 'pronking' all over your timeline, look at it as a little airborne dance with a magic star wand. http://t.c… |
| Thu Feb 12 00:19:27 +0000 2015 | u understand if I go crazy & slip into a trip & flip tonite to still hold my hand & call me Superman, right? yes, u might? or yes, u can? |
| Thu Feb 12 00:14:40 +0000 2015 | RT @jomartin26: A waffle breakfast & a little understanding in 1978 would've prevented most of these tweets. |
| Thu Feb 12 00:09:02 +0000 2015 | RT @pimewasgood: Just two actors on a stage who forgot their lines. |
| Thu Feb 12 00:08:57 +0000 2015 | RT @14thmouse: Your backyard chickens intently watch the neighbor cat hurl up a hairball in your driveway. What sort of sorcery is this the… |
| Thu Feb 12 00:06:05 +0000 2015 | RT @kv8: psst... the universe in inside you... it will change when you do. |
| Wed Feb 11 23:40:59 +0000 2015 | "History is not a process of asking permission." ~Terence McKenna |
| Wed Feb 11 17:36:40 +0000 2015 | RT @Cpt_Burnout: I want to be the reason you lose your safety deposit. |
| Wed Feb 11 17:36:32 +0000 2015 | RT @everylilthing: attn radio nowhere requesting frogs over |
| Wed Feb 11 17:13:15 +0000 2015 | RT @Copulaterman: I created a scene at the McDonalds drive thru today cause apparently the car I made from cardboard boxes doesn't show up … |
| Wed Feb 11 17:13:07 +0000 2015 | RT @2tickytacky: My fictitious troll is trolling my fictitious character and people are really upset. |
| Wed Feb 11 15:50:51 +0000 2015 | Neighbors moved. Gave me their dog, Ollie. Was half shih-tzu & everything mix. Realized his full name was Oliver. # shihtzolivereverything |
| Tue Feb 10 09:02:19 +0000 2015 | RT @420luck: I just sent my 12 year old son into Walmart with $40 an 2 items to get. This should be interesting. |
| Tue Feb 10 09:00:57 +0000 2015 | RT @iKn0wWhatUDid: I have so many questions that could've been answered if I had Twitter a long time ago. Like, why was Kim K SO oily?! |
| Mon Feb 09 20:28:41 +0000 2015 | At least, I got them all in a rowboat. That’s something. Usually, they'll only get in line to do the limbo. It was a lot of fucking ducks. |
| Sat Jan 31 21:01:42 +0000 2015 | Rain comes from clouds blown by angels. |
| Thu Jan 29 07:53:33 +0000 2015 | RT @JLazySAngus: Fear is the worst excuse to never try something new. |
| Thu Jan 29 07:53:28 +0000 2015 | RT @beingtheo: You may need to see a shrink if someone on Twitter calls you quirky. |
| Thu Jan 29 07:53:25 +0000 2015 | RT @SecModern: I have the same first name as my girlfriend's ex. Call me insecure, but I'm pretty sure she's moaning his name during sex. |
| Thu Jan 29 07:21:52 +0000 2015 | RT @rachel2manypaws: BECAUSE OFFICER SOMETIMES YA GOTTA CRANK UP AC/DC AND DRIVE WITH YOUR KNEES CUZ IM TNT AND IM DYNAMITE. DUH. |
| Thu Jan 29 07:21:48 +0000 2015 | RT @kellysdf: Young guys will try to argue with an angry woman. Older guys just throw chocolate and run. |
| Thu Jan 29 07:21:43 +0000 2015 | RT @KimBru49: Two of the greatest qualities to have in life are: PATIENCE and WISDOM. http://t.co/sUYOMlZEkX |
| Mon Jan 26 00:22:09 +0000 2015 | RT @hippocroteez: Oh hush, I'm under-appreciated too. |
| Mon Jan 26 00:20:59 +0000 2015 | RT @Losephine: Come on, people! These tweets aren't going to appreciate themselves! |
| Sun Jan 25 06:11:14 +0000 2015 | RT @alfageeek: Want to know if someone is a tweet thief? Now there's an app for that! (kind of) http://t.co/xDPTD2FHaY |
| Thu Jan 22 03:03:49 +0000 2015 | RT @beingtheo: Sometimes, when I don't understand your tweets, I think you're sending secret codes and involved in espionage. |
| Thu Jan 22 03:03:46 +0000 2015 | RT @Fingers_of_Fury: Hey there, lady eating a green pepper like an apple. How's crazy treating you? |
| Thu Jan 22 03:03:41 +0000 2015 | RT @1Tortured_soul: My e-crew is an icelandic inmate incarcerated for caribou rustling and a bot that rt's any mention of sodomy. |
| Thu Jan 22 03:03:36 +0000 2015 | RT @vivalacrap: Is this a self help book on your iTunes playlist? IS IT!?!! |
| Thu Jan 22 03:03:26 +0000 2015 | RT @GreenEyedLoon: A very hot man just locked eyes with me and my nipples starting tingling like crazy. Then he walked on by and I stopped… |
| Thu Jan 22 03:03:19 +0000 2015 | RT @2tickytacky: I just can't get started until I've had my third retweet. Some days, I have to call in sick. You guys will cause me to los… |
| Thu Jan 22 03:03:15 +0000 2015 | RT @Cool_Jesse: You guys wanna come over & hang-out & listen to Third Eye Blind CDs? |
| Thu Jan 22 03:03:08 +0000 2015 | RT @AnyaLachae7: They should have a dog pound for men. I could go pick one out and take him home. If it didn't work out, I could drop him o… |
| Thu Jan 22 03:03:03 +0000 2015 | RT @erickomans: The point is that good deeds were done and we were nearby. |
| Thu Jan 22 03:02:59 +0000 2015 | RT @_raphus: If 3yr olds have this stuff already within their comprehension, will IT courses be necessary in future? http://t.co/wrgUJ5eGNa |
| Thu Jan 22 03:02:53 +0000 2015 | RT @minormentors: I spent the first few tweets being all predictable and stuff. So here comes the average weird. |
| Thu Jan 22 03:02:46 +0000 2015 | RT @Copulaterman: I had to change my bio so vegans wouldn't label me dark twitter.. . |
| Thu Jan 22 03:02:34 +0000 2015 | RT @everylilthing: its come to my attention that there are a lot of carnival circus characters in the world and i am not interested in know… |
| Thu Jan 22 03:02:31 +0000 2015 | RT @domesticH: all of my relationship decisions are inspired by my cat *husband sits next to me* *scoots just out of reach* |
| Thu Jan 22 03:02:27 +0000 2015 | RT @jwalkonthemoon: If anybody's bored, I don't have a "No DM" rule. At least not currently. |
| Thu Jan 22 03:02:20 +0000 2015 | RT @CurlyMcCracken: Baking Bad: terminally ill grandma bakes mediocre cookies trying to earn money to support her family after she's gone. … |
| Thu Jan 22 03:02:14 +0000 2015 | RT @jennslyn: How many salesmen does it take to make a fucking pot of coffee? Three. This is not a joke, but will be included on my letter … |
| Thu Jan 22 03:02:08 +0000 2015 | RT @JustCallMeFrank: Not to be too frank, but your problem is that you're overly insecure and too self-absorbed. |
| Thu Jan 22 03:01:55 +0000 2015 | RT @SuMacDan: Research indicates either that watching porn shrinks men's brains or men with smaller brains watch porn...kind of a chicken o… |
| Thu Jan 22 03:01:47 +0000 2015 | RT @revengeofAA: RT if you want to help rebuild my self esteem. Star if you want to be supportive, but not quite "feed my ego supportive". |
| Thu Jan 22 03:01:44 +0000 2015 | RT @dietredbull: this day at work is dragging like a snail on top of a turtle walking on quicksand inside the minds of Willow and Jaden |
| Thu Jan 22 03:01:22 +0000 2015 | RT @jomartin26: Hand jobs will someday save the world against an alien invasion. |
| Thu Jan 22 03:01:20 +0000 2015 | RT @abbeyhunter: I took a quiz to see which kind of candy I am and I was disappointed with the candy I got. |
| Thu Jan 22 03:01:06 +0000 2015 | RT @meaculpau27: I'm sitting alone drinking tea watching TV commentators comment on how much fun their having I know they're lying and I'… |
| Thu Jan 22 03:00:58 +0000 2015 | RT @HASDays: I'm not addicted to twitter. I'm addicted to you people. |
| Thu Jan 22 03:00:18 +0000 2015 | RT @autumnzephyr: I see no shame in giving up ... if in letting go you gain your freedom. |
| Thu Jan 22 03:00:09 +0000 2015 | RT @SomerM: "Hello ma'am, do you have a moment for a Seventh Day Adventist message of hope?" "You caught me doing my kegels, but I can mult… |
| Thu Jan 22 03:00:06 +0000 2015 | RT @carbajalme: Don't. Stop thinking about tomorrow. |
| Thu Jan 22 03:00:00 +0000 2015 | RT @IreadyourblogO: https://t.co/tDCfPFi7U0 Check out my favorite blogger. @alfageeek |
| Thu Jan 22 02:59:52 +0000 2015 | RT @c123harrris: Slob tip: the most reusable underwear is at the bottom of the laundry pile. |
| Thu Jan 22 02:59:43 +0000 2015 | RT @LollySassafras: Masons, the Illuminati asked me to ask you if the 33 degrees are Fahrenheit or Celsius. |
| Wed Nov 26 08:49:18 +0000 2014 | RT @Itrophytweets: Already my motives have been questioned. Is my bio not explanation enough? I am a reader of fine thoughts. Let me cele… |
| Tue Nov 25 20:35:32 +0000 2014 | RT @AlterpupAmber: Once twice three times a looney. |
| Tue Nov 25 20:31:45 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: I'm going to take the baton. Run up and over and into the sandy pit. My catapult is faulty. |
| Tue Nov 25 20:31:34 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: @AlexLoveTarget Mwah! Kiss my sweet lips. x http://t.co/M2GwEdvXC2 |
| Tue Nov 25 20:30:43 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: Carefree, you can do anything wearing our sanitary products within you Plug my gap. ↑ this slogan is Why I got fire… |
| Tue Nov 25 20:29:59 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: Zen is just being happy with the dirt raked or unraked, and using your hands if you don't have one. |
| Tue Nov 25 20:28:33 +0000 2014 | This Brain Map Shows Why People On Shrooms See Sounds And Hear Colours (via @BusInsiderAU) http://t.co/nWcT1OP73D |
| Mon Nov 24 19:48:09 +0000 2014 | RT @Itrophytweets: You have been selected for your ring of truth detail. Please accept this Nice Tweet, Tweeter award. @sarcasticmommy4 ht… |
| Mon Nov 24 19:48:02 +0000 2014 | RT @sarcasticmommy4: My stages of cleaning: -Spend half the day looking for earbuds -Spend the rest of day making a playlist -Oops. It's… |
| Mon Nov 24 19:44:18 +0000 2014 | RT @rustyrockets: Read this if you want (it's about me) http://t.co/igzuTFgLEO via @IreadyourblogO |
| Mon Nov 24 19:43:07 +0000 2014 | MT @stephenfry: Proud to join fellow @englishpen members in protesting banning of memoir in UK.. http://t.co/r6dhyDpldF via @IreadyourblogO |
| Mon Nov 24 19:39:50 +0000 2014 | MT: @stephenfry: Socially blind judges use weird precedents/throttle free speech on mental health http://t.co/CsB5u7bbeb via @IreadyourblogO |
| Sun Nov 23 01:56:22 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: So glad I moved to a new city to sit on a different couch and watch Netflix. |
| Sun Nov 23 01:56:09 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Tortilla rounds because she can't add. Tortilla triangles because she can't play tambourine. Tortilla strips because she ca… |
| Sun Nov 23 01:55:57 +0000 2014 | RT @LadyHembra: How do I tell you this? With an ounce of Alpaca truth... I am a bisexual. Twice as sexual as a Llama. That's what bi means… |
| Sun Nov 23 01:55:48 +0000 2014 | RT @LadyHembra: Pro re nata for everyone! Prn meds. As required. I have some sleepy juice and some go go pills. And some inbetweeners. You … |
| Sun Nov 23 01:55:29 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: Old Jed's back! aka Yung Jed aka That I am Jed aka Jed Can Dance but always the same @LightCarnival Shining. ♥K http… |
| Sun Nov 23 01:54:08 +0000 2014 | This moustache isn't gonna groom itself, said the future bride to be. |
| Fri Nov 21 21:37:15 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: She put all her marbles in a sack under her pillow and slept on it. |
| Fri Nov 21 21:36:27 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: Bong Songs: A Game of Boomerangs http://t.co/6WOAi9a6VS Again, not about bongs. |
| Fri Nov 21 21:34:56 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: I got kicked out of English Lit class & demoted to English because I focused discussion on the sexual symbolism in th… |
| Fri Nov 21 21:33:31 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: I'll buy ganache mix from a sexy cake shop guy if he gives me a free pastry and calls it Starcream. I don't need it, b… |
| Fri Nov 21 19:34:17 +0000 2014 | Was a great beach day with hot babes & cold draft beer until drunk birds pooped on us. You heard me right. *sigh* Just say no to keg gulls. |
| Mon Nov 17 18:15:53 +0000 2014 | RT @AlterpupAmber: The fiery loops and rings of burning were nothing to fear in the end |
| Mon Nov 17 18:15:38 +0000 2014 | RT @AlterpupAmber: I suggested that I might like the hoop unfiery the first time I tried to jump through it, but such is life and no except… |
| Mon Nov 17 18:15:18 +0000 2014 | RT @AlterpupAmber: I rustled around in the riddles and then decided to play fetch with my shadow. |
| Mon Nov 17 18:14:54 +0000 2014 | RT @AlterpupAmber: This little canine is fond of my feline but the sister hisses so what does a bitch have to do to get a kitty cuddle? Huh? |
| Mon Nov 17 18:14:29 +0000 2014 | RT @AlterpupAmber: Barked so hard last night I'm feeling a little horse. She likes me though. Got this pony tied up. Ran a few rings arou… |
| Mon Nov 17 18:14:14 +0000 2014 | RT @AlterpupAmber: I just pretend your sports tweets are about real animals. Then I can retweet them because they're about my own kind. Go … |
| Mon Nov 17 18:13:55 +0000 2014 | RT @AlterpupAmber: What made me become what I've become? Is it genetic or environmental? I could chase this thought like I chase my own ta… |
| Mon Nov 17 18:13:38 +0000 2014 | RT @AlterpupAmber: KANYE WEST - I AM A GOD - YEEZUS NEW MUSIC VIDEO: http://t.co/Y0kBmjBTTY via @YouTube He is a God, I'm a Dog, Samesi… |
| Mon Nov 17 18:13:22 +0000 2014 | RT @AlterpupAmber: This is the first time I've felt comfortable being fully naked in my avi. Someone should tie me up though. |
| Mon Nov 17 09:32:05 +0000 2014 | Don't search already. |
| Mon Nov 17 09:29:08 +0000 2014 | RT @scrirc: Live your life like there's no yesterday. |
| Mon Nov 17 09:08:02 +0000 2014 | Status update: Still flat, but hopeful. |
| Mon Nov 17 09:07:01 +0000 2014 | Status: Flat 'til the fizzy retunes.. |
| Mon Nov 17 09:05:35 +0000 2014 | RT @Dmvm1977: If you feel you've just hit rock bottom.. try not to worry. I've been down here that long I've just opened my own chain of … |
| Mon Nov 17 09:05:16 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: Watched a movie that showed the best way to practice your stance was with goat between your legs. Now I have questions… |
| Sun Nov 16 22:55:05 +0000 2014 | RT @LadyHembra: Blow your pututu for me. Pour one out for my fallen Alpacan homies. Raise your juice box. Whatever. #tbot |
| Sun Nov 16 22:54:40 +0000 2014 | RT @LadyHembra: Rest in peace ya pack of tweeting Alpacas. You were funny, wordy, and hairy. You will be remembered. Lest we forget. Who? … |
| Sun Nov 16 22:39:05 +0000 2014 | RT @Alter_Anne: Look at all of these thoughts stuck together with string and silliness. They're dancing. :O) #tbot |
| Sun Nov 16 22:39:02 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: Smile, you just made a worthwile entry into the book of tweet. Your thoughts are locked into the Machine. #tbot |
| Sat Nov 08 20:19:11 +0000 2014 | RT @Midwipe: "Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room." ~Winston Churchill |
| Sat Nov 08 20:19:06 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I'll turn off Twitter as soon as I get through this bonus round. |
| Sat Nov 08 20:19:00 +0000 2014 | RT @marshacornelius: Sometimes success is just getting the laundry into the dryer before the mildew sets in. |
| Sat Nov 08 20:18:50 +0000 2014 | RT @LadyHembra: Lady Hembra has good intentions. She likes advanced searches, finding Alpaca tweets to star and retweet and Alpaca lovers t… |
| Sat Nov 08 20:18:30 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I'm 39 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night. |
| Sat Nov 08 20:18:23 +0000 2014 | RT @Purld: You're damn right I want to attend an international symposium on particleboard. |
| Sat Nov 08 20:18:20 +0000 2014 | RT @MythicalCrystal: Misadventure? That sounds unspecific and totally awesome. I'm in. |
| Sat Nov 08 20:18:17 +0000 2014 | RT @SaladBargain: I'm a daylight savings fan with an amazing Disney nightlight collection.. And, I oscillate a lot because they both excit… |
| Sat Nov 08 20:18:09 +0000 2014 | RT @rotusbrossum: I really wish I was a bubble right now I could just float away and I wouldn't even care about anything ever ever ever eve… |
| Sat Nov 08 20:18:06 +0000 2014 | RT @LadyUkeleleieio: You can love it when a tweet comes together only long enough to realize that what sounds dirty actually also implies a… |
| Sat Nov 08 20:17:56 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: This was not the plan. -a memoir |
| Sat Nov 08 20:17:50 +0000 2014 | RT @nezror: We crashed your pity party uninvited now what's in it for us? Never mind the sofa we stole your sofa |
| Sat Nov 08 20:17:48 +0000 2014 | RT @bizarrequotes: *rakes health care bills into a pile* *jumps in* *sprains hip* |
| Sat Nov 08 20:17:42 +0000 2014 | RT @Darkntwistd: Breath deep, clear my mind, take down the walls, open my heart, love again |
| Thu Nov 06 07:05:03 +0000 2014 | You Are Not a Princess. 25 Points for Women and Men to Consider http://t.co/hCzma7I2TI |
| Tue Nov 04 05:40:29 +0000 2014 | RT @stuffalexwrites: Hey, adults that are too into Halloween, your crazy is showing. |
| Tue Nov 04 05:40:25 +0000 2014 | RT @Izianikapani: Maybe your cat is holding you back. |
| Tue Nov 04 05:40:17 +0000 2014 | RT @Jazzysway: I want to be inspirational and all, but come on, people. It's me we're talking about. |
| Tue Nov 04 05:40:09 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Someone should invent the Internet so my Facebook friends will stop asking how to find a plumber locally or what the rules… |
| Tue Nov 04 05:40:06 +0000 2014 | RT @HiddenAcerbic: My kids' dad just changed his name to Puma. That's it. That's the whole tweet. |
| Tue Nov 04 05:39:59 +0000 2014 | RT @TySmithdrums: I wish America would catch up and start calling fingerless gloves turtleneck gloves like the rest of the world. It's gett… |
| Tue Nov 04 05:39:36 +0000 2014 | RT @NotWrittenByMe: Hopped on pop and got fizzy wit it. |
| Thu Oct 30 02:45:15 +0000 2014 | RT @RichHarris2: Prove your worth as a friend. Listen. Support. Love. |
| Thu Oct 30 02:45:11 +0000 2014 | RT @Darkntwistd: Where are all my old friends ? I've missed you |
| Thu Oct 30 02:45:09 +0000 2014 | RT @Darkntwistd: Do tweeters with 500 fav stars actually bother to see who took the time to read and star them? |
| Thu Oct 30 02:44:57 +0000 2014 | RT @Darkntwistd: We had a brain storming meeting at work but no brains showed up. Wtf. Waste of time |
| Wed Oct 29 22:35:59 +0000 2014 | RT @LadyHembra: When I run out of Alpaca material I'm going to reinvent myself as a boob avi. |
| Wed Oct 29 22:35:57 +0000 2014 | RT @sheepandrobots: Sometimes I sit stoic at my desk pondering life, collecting my thoughts & gaining the stamina to glue all the broken to… |
| Wed Oct 29 19:35:08 +0000 2014 | RT @typ0negative: Can't help but notice you're not getting famous, either. |
| Wed Oct 29 19:35:02 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: My girlfriend didn’t care where we vacationed as long as we had a view of paradise & that’s how we ended up in a tent insi… |
| Tue Oct 28 05:17:19 +0000 2014 | RT @Midwipe: All I asked the guy at the store for was some space & an apostrophe to go with the supermanscape I bought earlier. |
| Tue Oct 28 05:17:15 +0000 2014 | RT @Midwipe: I call your crazy. And, I raise. |
| Tue Oct 28 05:17:13 +0000 2014 | RT @Midwipe: I’m pretty sure the pioneer settler people didn’t have to wait this long for their apps to load. |
| Tue Oct 28 05:17:06 +0000 2014 | RT @Midwipe: Eminem - Survival http://t.co/hMb4DlTUgX via @LightCarnival |
| Sun Oct 26 07:30:44 +0000 2014 | RT @SomerM: Autocorrect just changed "Jedi" to "Jesus" and now I'm lecturing my phone on respecting boundaries. |
| Sun Oct 26 05:46:31 +0000 2014 | RT @Cameltoga: Attempted attending my audition. Appears I wrote the address that you gave me down wrong. I hope we're not recording any of … |
| Sun Oct 26 05:41:45 +0000 2014 | Not real sure about McGovern. |
| Tue Oct 21 20:09:08 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: So what does an adult woman wear to a Miley concert? Hannah Montana cosplay? A Beetlejuice suit? A crop top and a thong? S… |
| Tue Oct 21 18:23:25 +0000 2014 | Had to quit playing shuffleboard. Every time it was my turn to be the dealer, I got splinters in my fingertips. |
| Sat Oct 18 21:04:33 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: *Spends decades working to achieve astral projection just to sneak in your house and look at your bookshelves* |
| Sat Oct 18 05:34:27 +0000 2014 | "I'm so sick of this soda can always being on my ass," ~me thinking out loud in my avi, and sort of in this tweet.. About my butt piercing. |
| Sat Oct 18 00:01:52 +0000 2014 | RT @sassysmartsxx: I just peed while sneezing. *new old lady level unlocked |
| Fri Oct 17 23:59:40 +0000 2014 | RT @CVTBaby: In my defense, my mom fed me a lot of food that had been processed artificially and then microwaved in Styrofoam.. |
| Fri Oct 17 23:59:21 +0000 2014 | RT @_davidlucas_: Go on... you owe yourself a few mistakes. |
| Fri Oct 17 23:58:27 +0000 2014 | RT @Fingers_of_Fury: Just missed a fruit fly and smacked myself in the boob. Well, it's Friday night. I deserve a treat. |
| Fri Oct 17 23:58:25 +0000 2014 | RT @filthybeggar1: Oh really. A tweet up? That's wild. Have you been insane long? |
| Fri Oct 17 21:48:37 +0000 2014 | Whaddya mean Australians aren't kangaroos? |
| Thu Oct 16 05:34:17 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: So I figured out who is behind all those stolen tweets and link bait in your feed. Details in this morning's post: http://t.… |
| Thu Oct 16 05:29:59 +0000 2014 | RT @sheepandrobots: Advert: Local woman tames screaming toddlers without validating their feelings; Angers psychologists. |
| Tue Oct 14 22:21:42 +0000 2014 | RT @calluptome: Sorry serious yet earnest guy in the veggie aisle....keep it moving. |
| Tue Oct 14 19:45:28 +0000 2014 | Whaddya get if you throw a colorblind gorilla into a can of purple fizzy liquid with an ape? Oh, so close. The answer is strawberry soduh. |
| Mon Oct 13 15:20:54 +0000 2014 | RT @2tickytacky: Now, a message from Rev. Thurl Ravenscrof 2.0: Follow your dreams to the liquor store or donut shop or alpaca farm. God b… |
| Mon Oct 13 15:20:08 +0000 2014 | RT @donutmonkey_: For some ppl, finding love is a struggle. For some, figuring out whether found love is true or not is a struggle. No pizz… |
| Mon Oct 13 15:19:18 +0000 2014 | RT @donutmonkey_: Alpaca alpaca everywhere.... |
| Mon Oct 13 07:42:07 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I live every day as if it were my first; totally confused and in need of directions to the bathroom. |
| Mon Oct 13 07:40:49 +0000 2014 | RT @Sensedog: I have already rated you, Twitter. Calm down. |
| Mon Oct 13 07:35:34 +0000 2014 | RT @xxsx__: I want to be an alpaca for Halloween |
| Mon Oct 13 07:35:26 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: I'm bringing a touch of Easter into Halloween eve. Children will candy hunt in my petting zoo of goats, alpaca, & poul… |
| Mon Oct 13 07:34:19 +0000 2014 | The psychic said it was good luck to unfollow alpacas. But, the psychic was an alpaca. Which means.. I totally don't know what that means. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:09:33 +0000 2014 | RT @KnowYourStupid: "I wish my brother would learn some kind of trade so I would know what kind of work he's out of." (Henny Youngman) |
| Sun Oct 12 19:05:58 +0000 2014 | RT @KnowYourStupid: "Witnesses say it drove the getaway car." What is ‘what love had to do with it’, Alex. "No, the answer is razzleberry… |
| Sun Oct 12 19:02:35 +0000 2014 | RT @Contwixt: Before you dismiss my visit to your TL, consider that I star & RT based upon an elaborate rubric co-developed by engineers an… |
| Sun Oct 12 19:02:24 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: The litmus test for whether we will be good friends is how many film quotes you recognize when I say them during our first… |
| Sun Oct 12 19:02:21 +0000 2014 | RT @DamonHunzeker: Always a bridesmaid, never the clairvoyant carnival barker in a corduroy cape. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:02:17 +0000 2014 | RT @WheelTod: I always get the feeling people who name their kid "Wolfgang" somehow expect they're going to turn out to be way cooler than … |
| Sun Oct 12 19:02:00 +0000 2014 | RT @bombykol2: Making myself a bunch of sweet ass friendship bracelets |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:53 +0000 2014 | RT @Bandersnaaatch: Well, it's like I always say: Nope. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:48 +0000 2014 | RT @tiReynard: Just notified I got a big promotion I should feel good But atm, I'd rather join a traveling carnival, snap cityscape photo… |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:43 +0000 2014 | RT @thatnerdychik: *puts on roller skates & serenades you in the tune of Xanadu* |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:40 +0000 2014 | RT @xinglust: tbh if i don't see snsd in person for the next three years i'd most probably live in peru and be an alpaca for the rest of my… |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:36 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: We can pretend to put a man on the moon but we still can't make a half decent ladder. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:32 +0000 2014 | RT @14thmouse: Collects all your tears. Fills the water tank in the zamboni. Resurfaces the ice. Skates away. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:30 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: *crumbles goat cheese all over your leather bound master's thesis* |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:25 +0000 2014 | RT @Purld: Sorry I kept tripping your motion detector light with my mad interpretive dance skills. Your driveway was just too inviting of a… |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:23 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: Oh look. There's Dave. Maybe he won't see me if I play Angry Birds harder. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:21 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: Airport options: Work. Talk to a stranger. Read a book. Play Angry Birds. Find Dave. You guys know I'm playing Angry … |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:16 +0000 2014 | RT @Asbo_Unicorn: My spirit animal is a chupacabra wearing fluffy slippers and eating cheese |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:13 +0000 2014 | RT @tsm560: *confronts the insurmountable enormity of getting out of bed* |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:11 +0000 2014 | RT @Shoutin_Bibbles: Somewhere out there someone's living high on the hog, enjoying the rich rewards from that tweet of yours he stole. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:07 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: My leaked elevator footage is very boring because it's just me standing there strategizing my next pee stop. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:05 +0000 2014 | RT @RinglingMother: My 10yo said "You know what a bad situation should be called? A shituation." So I sat him down and said "Son, let me sh… |
| Sun Oct 12 19:01:00 +0000 2014 | RT @placeforfunnies: true, true http://t.co/YqddD9FgEr |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:55 +0000 2014 | RT @safelymedicated: Him:sends pic of him in buffalo bill style silk kimomo and full tuck. Me:adds 'pretty robe i could borrow' to list of … |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:48 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: My job category is 'Professional'. I have issues with this label. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:42 +0000 2014 | RT @Chloestylo: A thought so real I tweeted about it.. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:37 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: I'm happy to send you a winky face. I'm testing your tolerance to emoji. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:32 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: So fucked up I check my voicemail. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:29 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: "You've got your earbuds tangled with my charger!" "You've got you charger tangled with my earbuds!" |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:26 +0000 2014 | RT @celestinelea90: A 4 yo boy at carpool got out of mini van wearing Superman cape, swim goggles and snow boots. I love a mom who picks he… |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:23 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: *sensually hyperventilates* |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:21 +0000 2014 | RT @mcibty: Dear followers, Why are you doing this to yourselves? |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:19 +0000 2014 | RT @14thmouse: Your backyard chickens gorge on fermented berries, then break into your house & take turns drunkenly riding the Roomba & ter… |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:17 +0000 2014 | RT @MaryBrennan19: A cat on your lap is a catalyst for procrastination. Two cats on your lap, and you're incatacipated--also, slightly dysl… |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:13 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: I really need to stop popping chocolate Lindt Balls into my mouth every time I tweet a tweet. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:11 +0000 2014 | RT @LizzieEMB: I could be sitting here with the curtains drawn. At 8:30am. In my night vision goggles & bobble hat. Retweeting you. You… |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:08 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: If I don't know the answer or I'm just not listening, my go to answer is "just a little bit". |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:05 +0000 2014 | RT @GrabTheWEness: They say you should dress for the job you want, but these wealthy-investor crotchless pajamas aren't helping at all. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:02 +0000 2014 | RT @juneohara65: The barista just put the wrong name on my coffee cup, so now I answer to that. |
| Sun Oct 12 19:00:00 +0000 2014 | RT @GrabTheWEness: No, you're the one who thought you stepped on a spider while barefoot, overreacted and practically punted a wall, heavil… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:56 +0000 2014 | RT @pussy_woes: When learning to pole dance, it's a good thing to have a spotter. Just sayin' |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:54 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: I only hang around Twitter for the contact high. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:51 +0000 2014 | RT @BardenMs: All my exes live in...wait for it...Crazytown. Or I would've accepted Texas as well for half credit cuz that's half-right. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:48 +0000 2014 | RT @_davidlucas_: She didn't need to be saved. Just understood. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:45 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: There's no time like later. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:42 +0000 2014 | RT @CubanaMama82: My new kitten just knocked my beer over and proceeded to drink it off the floor. Pretty sure I found my spirit animal. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:40 +0000 2014 | RT @calluptome: Dear 14 year old self: You will be doing all the same things when you are 42. You will still not know what you want to be w… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:37 +0000 2014 | RT @MrsTomServo: Guy called me a manic pixie dream girl. Pft. Yeah, right... As soon as I quirkily instill in him a new lust for life, I'm … |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:34 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: just because someone's butt isn't big on the outside doesn't mean it isn't big in their heart. in their heart it might b… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:32 +0000 2014 | RT @LemmingDad: Well, it says here on WebMD that your rectum is clogged with your skull. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:28 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: The year 2025. All the hourglasses are broken. Women struggle to keep their Apple Watch figures. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:26 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: That weathered "Have you seen me?" poster stapled to the gnarly phone pole & long covered up by layers & layers of other f… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:22 +0000 2014 | RT @thatcarlygirl: I'm proud to report that I have absolutely no idea what day of the week it is. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:20 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: If you say we're not in Kansas anymore, I'm really gonna worry because we weren't in Kanas in the first place. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:17 +0000 2014 | RT @DarkerWillow: Should be mandatory that resumés be accompanied by screenshots of IG & FB pages so we really know what kind of idiot we'r… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:14 +0000 2014 | RT @thatcarlygirl: I bet it's pretty hurtful the way Mark Wahlberg pretends that the Funky Bunch never even existed. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:11 +0000 2014 | RT @SaveItForFest: Don't answer crazy. Crazy don't understand. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:09 +0000 2014 | RT @ErrenMichaels: I wish my signature move was something other than getting my foot caught inside the other leg of my pyjamas, and falling… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:04 +0000 2014 | RT @deviledlegs: I have faith that someone on Twitter will reveal the secrets of the universe. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:59:00 +0000 2014 | RT @DarkerWillow: Wait, tell me again how you don't like waffles so my eyes can roll all the way back as I fall to the ground 'cause that w… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:57 +0000 2014 | RT @Blonde4Dayz: <----- Not justifying a response to nasty @'ers one douchebag at a time. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:47 +0000 2014 | RT @bourgeoisalien: Try to be kind. There are a sea of broken hearts here, and I hope they all find peace rather than more pain. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:44 +0000 2014 | RT @schumyxxx: Doc: Bad news. You're infected with a new antibiotic-resistant bacteria. Me: Any good news? Doc: We're going to name this … |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:34 +0000 2014 | RT @KristinDeirdreM: Listen, before we go, DO NOT mention Louise's hair. She's very embarrassed. It was an ear candling accident. She's dow… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:27 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: The Connection Machine http://t.co/jXaLz20sIK |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:24 +0000 2014 | RT @juneohara65: A world without mirrors would be full of really happy people with incredibly bad hair. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:20 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light. ~Madeline L'Engle |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:11 +0000 2014 | RT @14thmouse: Your backyard chickens abscond with your google glass to the coop, where they view your Burning Man photos with thinly veile… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:08 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: We have full confidence in your ability to generalize your specialist skills into managing this group in an area you're not … |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:06 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: If you feel nervous tweeting to a crowd of people, just imagine everyone posting selfies in their undies and completely ign… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:04 +0000 2014 | RT @WheelTod: "I use Xanax to take the edge off" - terrible cabinet-maker |
| Sun Oct 12 18:58:00 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: When do the mass Instagram unfollowings start? |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:58 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: Sorry I called your KungFu lineage a pyramid scheme. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:56 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: Reads too much into your high five. Follows you like a puppy forever. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:45 +0000 2014 | RT @juneohara65: I dropped out of a logic class because the logic was irrational. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:43 +0000 2014 | RT @Bandersnaaatch: The moon is riding low and it's got a pimp walk. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:38 +0000 2014 | RT @MaryBrennan19: *sprinkles silly on everything* |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:35 +0000 2014 | RT @MaryBrennan19: At times, when you've lost sight of yourself in the present, your past sneaks up behind you, gives you a wedgie, and han… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:32 +0000 2014 | RT @kv8: The terrifying thing my stomach just said was probs the esoteric key to enlightenment & unlocking the secrets of life, but meh, tw… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:26 +0000 2014 | RT @TeejayRush: They say you are what you eat, but I don't remember eating anyone this awesome... |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:23 +0000 2014 | RT @Ru_Philosophus: A politician promises that if elected he can use his resources to help society. He loses. Why not help any way? Just sa… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:18 +0000 2014 | RT @vcaptivof: My new musical priority is to be signed to the Pornhub label. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:15 +0000 2014 | RT @vcaptivof: mental note: dont do mental notes on twitter. twitter isn't in your mind. it's in the internet. which is in the world. which… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:12 +0000 2014 | RT @analogue01: My new label is so underground the only way to get the music is to come over to my house, distract me and bootleg it while … |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:10 +0000 2014 | RT @dirtyspoons: my next great work is an eight part graphic novel about an injured superhero trying to get an insurance claim approved and… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:57:07 +0000 2014 | RT @Glennmandirect: Follow your dreams. Learn their schedule. Wait outside each class for your dreams. Isolate your dreams from their frien… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:51 +0000 2014 | RT @Toastburglar: Twitter -> settings -> options -> hide pictures of cats |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:49 +0000 2014 | RT @Toastburglar: *exists ironically* |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:47 +0000 2014 | RT @Izianikapani: So if you eat what you like and don't exercise, eventually you get a motorised scooter. I'm really not seeing the down s… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:43 +0000 2014 | RT @mattr_in_nc: Fairly certain I recognize a female tweeter on a local sex site. I mean, fairly certain a friend recognizes ... |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:38 +0000 2014 | RT @RUFknKiddingMe: *pretending traffic sounds are actual waves crashing all around me from afar* |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:36 +0000 2014 | RT @RUFknKiddingMe: My inner bitch ran away when I accidentally left the door open, so if anyone happens to see a small dog... |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:25 +0000 2014 | RT @rockstarfish: Sometimes, it feels like I'm both of the crabby old guy muppets in the balcony. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:17 +0000 2014 | RT @BardenMs: It's a system where just the fact that I'm TRYING to stay alive has become a small secret victory for my soul. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:15 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: First tweet cryptic, second tweet a glossary to help you absorb the first one. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:09 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: I can only trust you as far as I can throw you. *puts you in a hamster ball* *tosses ball* *ball goes into orbit, turns i… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:05 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: It feels like my brain is covered in a sheet of bubble wrap & whenever I think too hard about something the bubbles begin to… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:03 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: "Hey baby, does the carpet match the cat fur?" -cat lady pick-up line |
| Sun Oct 12 18:56:00 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: *Eats Doritos* *Wipes cheese powder on your baby when you look away* |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:56 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: Him: whatcha you gonna be for halloween? Me: a lamp Him: a sexy lamp? |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:54 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: I can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to see in me. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:50 +0000 2014 | RT @Gadgerson: You've Lost That Loving Feeling is my favorite song about erectile dysfunction. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:40 +0000 2014 | RT @HiddenAcerbic: Fuck Team Rocket, and other things I may have said to the tv this morning. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:34 +0000 2014 | RT @Sensedog: I was told that the jungle would have fun and games. I have been misled. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:32 +0000 2014 | RT @JenGwenSven: If I ever offer to cook you breakfast, lunch, or dinner, rest assured, you are getting tacos. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:26 +0000 2014 | RT @bizarrequotes: Add "during a snowstorm" to the end of Chinese fortunes when read aloud to incite hysterical laughter and spread cheer |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:24 +0000 2014 | RT @calluptome: Keep the flying monkeys in your pants. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:20 +0000 2014 | RT @bizarrequotes: if a characteristic of something alive is that it grows and changes then is root beer foam alive come at me science deba… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:18 +0000 2014 | RT @bipolarraccoon: All is right with the world. Ms. HR is off today Pandora is playing Supertramp CW gave me some onion rings |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:14 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: I can't decide whether to stay in and watch Glenn Beck or fuck the knothole of the rotten wormwood tree in that uncleared… |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:12 +0000 2014 | RT @Dmvm1977: Is "Sadomasochism" spelt with one d or two? I don't wanna look stupid on my http://t.co/CMVvO6LVXv profile. |
| Sun Oct 12 18:55:07 +0000 2014 | RT @clowndro: [police report] "Subject was observed with his face underneath the cherry Slurpee spigot, gurgling 'YOLO' between swallows" |
| Tue Oct 07 04:30:45 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: I'm paving a road of good intentions with broken shards a morbid melancholic mosaic of memories spread out and ceme… |
| Tue Oct 07 04:30:34 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: It was just a series of squiggles and question marks and arrows pointing to the root of the problem. It wouldn't have he… |
| Tue Oct 07 04:30:32 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: I drew you a diagram of our strained relations. But I screwed it up and threw it in the fire because I'm not ready to di… |
| Tue Oct 07 04:25:49 +0000 2014 | RT @HiddenAcerbic: Runner's high, but for fucking |
| Tue Oct 07 04:25:46 +0000 2014 | RT @HiddenAcerbic: The Dystopic Vision of Class Warfare in the Flintstones/Jetson World: A Dissertation |
| Tue Oct 07 03:57:57 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: Hold a banana or newspaper next to your naked body when you take photos to show time, the pull of gravity, size variation an… |
| Tue Oct 07 03:57:55 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: Post as many pictures of yourself as you can. Semi naked at least. |
| Thu Oct 02 20:40:59 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I'm grateful my cat woke me up at 3am to clean his litter box; otherwise I might still be sound asleep and unable to write … |
| Thu Oct 02 20:40:18 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: Ask yourself what is really important, then have the wisdom & courage to build your life around your answer. |
| Wed Sep 24 02:21:49 +0000 2014 | RT @TySmithdrums: Sanded drywall all day. Can't get that sound out of my head. Keep looking over my shoulder thinking a grandma in slippers… |
| Tue Sep 23 23:11:21 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: I swear, someday I'm gonna tell them what I really think. Is that day today? No. No, it is not. |
| Tue Sep 23 23:11:16 +0000 2014 | RT @MonicaRambles: You will never regret being kind or having class. |
| Tue Sep 23 01:31:27 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: I tweeted you a picture of my brain. |
| Tue Sep 23 01:31:21 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: This is what 'Tweet Brain' looks like. http://t.co/6P98RQ86QI |
| Tue Sep 23 01:31:18 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: I can't remember the name or link to the TED talk that screen shot came from, but I used it still. You wouldn't watch it… |
| Tue Sep 23 01:30:25 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: All my tweets are bait, to hook you into coming a reading my other tweets, since they are a long row of dominoes. |
| Tue Sep 23 01:24:29 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: He stands still like a tree and I dance around him like a deranged pixie. |
| Tue Sep 23 01:24:15 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: I just deleted a tweet about never deleting tweets. |
| Mon Sep 22 23:31:26 +0000 2014 | Had a dream that I was wherever the hell Hunter Thompson went. He was with Vonnegut & Gonzo gave me advice. I didn't understand a damn word. |
| Mon Sep 22 23:17:56 +0000 2014 | I'm so old I can remember not liking Aerosmith on 8-track. |
| Thu Sep 18 16:52:11 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: I wrote three tweets that sucked and three tweets that blew some smoke up my own butt, and that is why I'm still banging… |
| Thu Sep 18 16:49:36 +0000 2014 | RT @Old_Enki: TC stands for twitter coach, right? |
| Thu Sep 18 16:46:09 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: That concludes my alpaca inspired Tweets. I'm lamenting my lingering on this topic. |
| Thu Sep 18 16:46:03 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: Alpacas in their PJ's and they're ready for bed: http://t.co/hrcr9R6jJD via @YouTube If you are sick of counting sheep, … |
| Wed Sep 17 14:50:07 +0000 2014 | RT @Asbo_Unicorn: If you love something let it go. If it refuses to leave a well aimed kick should do the job |
| Wed Sep 17 14:41:25 +0000 2014 | RT @GermanFreckles: I wish my nipples were half as sensitive as my FB friends. |
| Wed Sep 17 14:24:17 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: "Doctor, this joke I want to tell is really sick. Can you help?" "I'm sorry, ma'am. There's nothing I can do. I'm afraid i… |
| Wed Sep 17 02:42:30 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: "Someday I'll subvert this dominant matriarchal paradigm," I think, but then I hear my mother's voice in my head saying I'l… |
| Wed Sep 17 00:52:10 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: I dream you're here, even when you're not. |
| Tue Sep 16 20:20:22 +0000 2014 | RT @ZekeKastens: Even I'm starting to think it's weird when I get nude in front of your avi while you live tweet your cat's wedding. |
| Tue Sep 16 19:31:05 +0000 2014 | RT @2tickytacky: Now, a message from Rev. Thurl Ravenscrof: Twitter is in all of us or something. I don't know. Whatever. God bless. |
| Tue Sep 16 19:25:41 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: Him: What is this Twitter thing all about? Me: Kinda like this *types BOOBS on a calculator app* |
| Tue Sep 16 19:25:19 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: You speak freak. That's why I like you. |
| Tue Sep 16 02:44:25 +0000 2014 | Admittedly, the bathed king soduh's an acquired taste, but it does cure the hiccups, so.. There's that. |
| Mon Sep 15 22:16:36 +0000 2014 | RT @latterdaylilith: Do you ever get worried that raising your vibration might just alert the omnipotent cosmic spider to come devour you? |
| Mon Sep 15 00:37:20 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: Counterproductive coping mechanisms for the win. |
| Mon Sep 15 00:33:59 +0000 2014 | RT @KristinDeirdreM: Someone told me she has to wear two sports bras when exercising and it seems I didn't respond with the appropriate lev… |
| Mon Sep 15 00:10:27 +0000 2014 | RT @Fingers_of_Fury: Guys, don't hit girls. Girls, don't hit guys. Oh, and don't hit your kids. Don't hit. |
| Sun Sep 14 23:56:40 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: Warning: tweets appear funnier on a bigger timeline |
| Sat Sep 13 22:50:32 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: "Great philosophers don't waste time counting carbs," I think, biting into my sandwich and unpausing the cartoon I'm watchi… |
| Sat Sep 13 21:18:01 +0000 2014 | RT @clowndro: The irony is that "social media" sometimes makes me feel more isolated than ever. *carves a mini-me out of a bar of soap* |
| Sat Sep 13 15:12:20 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: HEY Heckler.. Doug Stanhope vs. Hecklers: http://t.co/2QWBF6aO8Y via @YouTube Stanhope gets heckled while discussing heckl… |
| Fri Sep 12 15:31:50 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: He asked "When exactly did this world begin?" My answer wasn't good enough, clearly. He said he'd ask Google instead. Let me… |
| Fri Sep 12 04:14:27 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: You're skimming around my edges, but I want you in my centre. |
| Fri Sep 12 04:04:25 +0000 2014 | RT @sheepandrobots: "Give me the purple medicine or I will cough on you til the end of time!" |
| Fri Sep 12 04:04:09 +0000 2014 | RT @sheepandrobots: If by good homemaker you mean only sometimes lets steel cookie cutters fall into the disposal, switches on & waits in w… |
| Fri Sep 12 03:59:28 +0000 2014 | RT @Amelia_Draws: Wish list: A silver coloured cane A detailed world map. A tattoo A ham and cheese sandwich. |
| Fri Sep 12 03:52:30 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: I've written a lot of tweets now, so if I repeat myself, it is because my brain has made one full revolution. Rapid rec… |
| Thu Sep 11 20:08:56 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: Well it was bound to happen, I have officially typed in a hashtag, thus creating a link to other worlds. |
| Thu Sep 11 20:08:34 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: I follow a thought train, through the tangent tunnel, never sure where the tweet will travel. |
| Thu Sep 11 20:05:43 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: @grapesoduh This was very informative, thank you for sharing this link ♥K @protolalia |
| Thu Sep 11 20:05:41 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: @grapesoduh @wileyfox2 @protolalia @AskAuntieEm1 I've been waiting to hear the Purple Heckler heckle, and there you have it. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:43:31 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: You don't find love, it finds you. Its got a little bit to do with destiny, fate & whats written in the stars. ~ Anais Nin … |
| Thu Sep 11 01:43:20 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: There is no remedy for love but to love more. ~ Henry David Thoreau #quote |
| Thu Sep 11 01:43:01 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: We're all fighting our own personal demons. My demon is currently attacking my ankles and demanding another can of Fancy Fe… |
| Thu Sep 11 01:42:52 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Are you following @kriistol1? She's smart, funny, adorably quirky and one of the nicest people I've ever met. http://t.co… |
| Thu Sep 11 01:40:36 +0000 2014 | RT @Izianikapani: I don't get involved in Twitter drama. I'm here for one reason only and that's to procrastinate. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:40:06 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: Sorry we threw a party at work when you called in sick. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:39:33 +0000 2014 | RT @GirrlGenius: I don't mind burning bridges. It keeps me from going back to places I obviously should never have been in the first place. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:39:22 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: Learned the guitar to talk about yourself, more? |
| Thu Sep 11 01:39:13 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: Don't use "quite frankly" to announce you are going to say some stupid shit. We already know what's coming. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:38:12 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: Forgot I started my stopwatch. It's now been 139:27.05 since I wondered how long it takes me to run five miles. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:37:32 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: When you think the dudes from Duck Dynasty have written a plot just to talk to you via duck caller, it's time to get you… |
| Thu Sep 11 01:37:26 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I get a lot of therapeutic benefit from live-tweeting my therapy sessions with my apathetic therapist. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:37:20 +0000 2014 | RT @SaraESpivey: The worst thing about rock bottom is the overpopulation. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:37:15 +0000 2014 | RT @Maxine12333: Trying to enjoy the ups and ride out the downs of everyday life before I flatline. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:37:00 +0000 2014 | RT @OutOfLeftField_: "Man held after 12th Burglary." Wait..what? They gave him a cuddle? |
| Thu Sep 11 01:36:05 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: Oh Gawd. You are seriously a nice person. You do know you are on twitter? |
| Thu Sep 11 01:35:52 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: The more I drink, the more I’m willing to test a treadmill’s top speed. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:35:44 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: I have a minor erection for the president now. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:35:12 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: Since ABC news is making up words (dustnado)... I'll be looking forward to the vaginado tonight. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:34:37 +0000 2014 | RT @AskAuntieEm1: Long stretch, full Wookie sound-effects. |
| Thu Sep 11 01:32:57 +0000 2014 | The Art of Vulnerability http://t.co/Cf5odQpMpF ..courtesy of @protolalia |
| Fri Sep 05 00:12:00 +0000 2014 | @wileyfox2 All about the love, eh? Dumbass. @protolalia @AskAuntieEm1 |
| Thu Sep 04 23:50:30 +0000 2014 | RT @RuADorkLikeMe: I turned down an invite for sex, what does that mean? Now I'm not sure if I belong on twitter or not. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:50:25 +0000 2014 | RT @RuADorkLikeMe: What's it called when you happen to open up a dick pic just as you're shoving a hot dog in your mouth? |
| Thu Sep 04 23:50:18 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: You learn about lowest common denominators in elementary school, but it's not until you're an adult that you realize that'… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:50:11 +0000 2014 | RT @RuADorkLikeMe: I think I just gave myself whiplash. Someone's parrot got loose and flew onto our balcony and scared the fuck out of me. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:49:58 +0000 2014 | RT @texasstalkermom: I just want someone that I can blame all of my problems on. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:49:55 +0000 2014 | RT @Cynical_Albino: When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, "Who did this to you?" |
| Thu Sep 04 23:49:42 +0000 2014 | RT @kickitupanacho: When I have meh tweets I keep tweeting hoping to spark a good 1 so I can step away for a bit…But if I get a good 1 it m… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:49:40 +0000 2014 | RT @eliserose5: Ok, you can quit being prettier than me now. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:49:35 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: Thanks for that Katy Perry perfume, Mum. I'm 37. If anyone asks me what scent I'm wearing, I'm just gonna say pussy. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:49:32 +0000 2014 | RT @AndyPitz: Sent a screenshot to my wife to be helpful and got scolded for always having low battery on my phone. #marriage |
| Thu Sep 04 23:49:28 +0000 2014 | RT @THK1965: Come on already, we are only going to Burger Hortons for a Whopper and Cafe Mocha. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:49:16 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: “For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” Vincent van Gogh |
| Thu Sep 04 23:49:07 +0000 2014 | RT @Fingers_of_Fury: Every day I speak to humans I say something inaccurate, offensive or cringe-worthy. Just a part of my charm. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:48:59 +0000 2014 | RT @YayGrrMySter: "It's what's on the inside that counts" I whisper to my poorly rolled breakfast burrito. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:48:54 +0000 2014 | RT @Cassfullofjoy: My co-workers appreciate my serenades of Gold Dust Woman to them. They just don't know how to express their gratefulnes… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:48:40 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: I need 11 other guys to be in my Sexy Dads wall calendar. Note: I've reserved Sizzling September for myself. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:48:35 +0000 2014 | RT @juneohara65: Through a subtle, complex series of maneuvers, I just got the cable TV guy to change my vacuum cleaner bag. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:48:19 +0000 2014 | RT @OutOfLeftField_: There's people that never grasp the impact they have on someone. I love those people. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:48:15 +0000 2014 | RT @Asbo_Unicorn: Let us Pray Boobs Amen |
| Thu Sep 04 23:48:08 +0000 2014 | RT @litfirebird: If your band has a sax, I'm out. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:48:03 +0000 2014 | RT @litfirebird: I'm about to punch my husband over a love and rockets song. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:47:48 +0000 2014 | RT @TravLeBlanc: We are all here for a reason. We all have a purpose in life. For most people, that purpose is to make me look cool by comp… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:47:41 +0000 2014 | RT @RuADorkLikeMe: Saturday mornings are great for discovering, that my neighbour is a twat! |
| Thu Sep 04 23:47:37 +0000 2014 | RT @Alter_Anne: Hilltop Hoods - The Nosebleed Section: http://t.co/D6LIOt09ib via @YouTube This is my favorite Hilltop Hoods song. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:47:34 +0000 2014 | RT @Gadgerson: What's with all the inspiration tweets and happy people? *Realizes I tabbed to Facebook on accident* |
| Thu Sep 04 23:47:27 +0000 2014 | RT @Alter_Anne: Amazing Russel Brand Interview - Russel Exposes The Truth: http://t.co/D6dZnFgNxy via @YouTube |
| Thu Sep 04 23:47:19 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: Look, its either the Liberals or the Baptist's fault. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:47:03 +0000 2014 | RT @Fredzipfel: This Twitter account is dedicated to the Good, the True, and the Beautiful, except for the subtweets about you |
| Thu Sep 04 23:46:52 +0000 2014 | RT @Cassfullofjoy: Went to one of those group painting classes where you sip wine & paint...so disappointing. There wasn't even a nude mo… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:46:46 +0000 2014 | RT @Favetelinguiss: I've learnt a valuable lesson as a parent.Pretending that you don't know your kids in public is much easier than trying… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:46:40 +0000 2014 | RT @leechee420: Spent the afternoon commenting "needs more cowbell" on all the videos on pornhub. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:46:37 +0000 2014 | RT @BorkBorkulator: Has anyone made a parody of Physical? It could be called Immature and you could say, "let me hear your potty talk...you… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:46:34 +0000 2014 | RT @WilliamAder: Think of a star that goes by one name. Wrong. It's "Bullwinkle." |
| Thu Sep 04 23:46:26 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Wife drove up in the car and I gave her the int'l "give me a blow job" fist pump. Then I saw she had her mom in the car. D… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:46:14 +0000 2014 | RT @DarkerWillow: Why no selfies you ask? Well, first of all this is Twitter not IG and, secondly I believe my tweets are a sufficient enou… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:46:06 +0000 2014 | RT @AbbieNurse: "Look at me do parkour!" *takes 2 minutes to climb over a park bench* |
| Thu Sep 04 23:46:02 +0000 2014 | RT @RuADorkLikeMe: Sitting on the couch waiting for a foot rub. Hi boys! |
| Thu Sep 04 23:46:00 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: If you're not careful, you'll spend your entire life paying off the prison you bought into as a child. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:45:56 +0000 2014 | RT @LizzieEMB: Just levelled the garden path. Proof. I can even. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:45:54 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: "I hope you fell in love with someone who treats you exactly like you treat other people," I finally replied. "Please hope … |
| Thu Sep 04 23:45:50 +0000 2014 | RT @litfirebird: Vaguely interested in becoming obsessive |
| Thu Sep 04 23:45:38 +0000 2014 | RT @zigzagzigggular: an entire convoluted freakshow existence brewing up infinite lifeforms & hailing from the seemingly shallow depths of … |
| Thu Sep 04 23:45:30 +0000 2014 | RT @LizzieEMB: Don't fear The Onesie. The Onesie is your friend. The Onesie is not the end, it is just the beginning. *screams* "No! No… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:45:24 +0000 2014 | RT @zigzagzigggular: A version of tar and feather Where I Split pea soup And Donated clothing Your ass #micropoetry |
| Thu Sep 04 23:45:18 +0000 2014 | RT @_Anntics10: The death of heartache The birth of new love |
| Thu Sep 04 23:45:11 +0000 2014 | RT @Gadgerson: H: But I wanna be Batman, not Robin! M: I AM Batman!!!!! Bedroom role-play is hard. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:45:09 +0000 2014 | RT @Gadgerson: Googled "Subtweet" Still don't know what it is.. Is that my relationship status? Twitter is hard. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:44:54 +0000 2014 | RT @litfirebird: Your FB status says you've never been happier but I bet your hair doesn't look nearly as amazing as mine does in humid wea… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:44:49 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: If someone isn't being direct, just ask them what they really want. Maybe it's a knuckle sandwich. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:44:47 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Facebook has this creepy new feature where anyone you've ever known from your distant past can contact you. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:44:39 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Twitter is for confessing sordid secrets and subtweeting your frenemies. If you need to express some daily gratitude, you b… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:44:23 +0000 2014 | RT @Fredzipfel: Every once in a while I need to throw together something kinda poetic so that everyone can see how sensitive and deep I am |
| Thu Sep 04 23:44:08 +0000 2014 | RT @GrabTheWEness: I love when I slide my fingers down, and feel that hot wetness. Because, if it's the right temperature, it means my bat… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:57 +0000 2014 | RT @TattleTSister: Falling on hard times sounds pretty erotic to me. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:55 +0000 2014 | RT @meaculpau27: The neighborhood nomads apparently got one of their bikes running. They must be taking turns sitting on it. Uhden uhden. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:48 +0000 2014 | RT @nezror: If I drop the... Never mind forget about that I'm officially swimming in cluster more like treading correction drowning craving… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:45 +0000 2014 | RT @nezror: You have proven yourself with satire and sarcasm here's your Twitter key, good luck |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:42 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: Well, tasteful is slightly different than my what I was picturing. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:37 +0000 2014 | RT @nezror: No I know that's hilarious but I was talking about that part of the Quiet Riot song.... ha ha ha ha ha ha *guitar riff sigh |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:34 +0000 2014 | RT @_mindflakes: Never go shopping on an empty stomach. I just went to Halfords and accidentally ate an entire box of socket wrenches. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:30 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: If you're going to fuck up traffic with a fireman holding a boot begging for money in the middle of the intersection, at leas… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:24 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: Surely no has ever felt this way before...me to every feeling I've ever had. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:11 +0000 2014 | RT @DarkerWillow: I'm really just here to talk to you about the magic of being unconscious while keeping your eyes open and nodding your he… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:06 +0000 2014 | RT @RandomAntics: I became lucid in a dream once, realizing I could do literally anything I wanted. So I went thrift shopping. That about s… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:03 +0000 2014 | RT @TheAlexNevil: Please know if I can't make sense of your twitter name I will hold it at arms length, squint my eyes, then just assume it… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:43:00 +0000 2014 | RT @RandomAntics: Why is it called a 'straightjacket' and not a 'loonytunic'? |
| Thu Sep 04 23:42:57 +0000 2014 | RT @GianDoh: The difference between regular jars and Mason jars is the latter secretly run the country and are better for pickling. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:42:54 +0000 2014 | RT @KatWar1: "Blow fish" *rolls eyes* Haha Hootie that one never gets old you got any threes or what? |
| Thu Sep 04 23:42:51 +0000 2014 | RT @TheAlexNevil: Not *everybody* wants to rule the world; some of us would be happy just controlling our acid reflux. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:42:36 +0000 2014 | RT @eliserose5: Trying to master the look of indifference without trying to look like I'm trying to master the look of indifference. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:42:30 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: *bats my eyelashes* *knocks my eyelashes out of the park* |
| Thu Sep 04 23:42:22 +0000 2014 | RT @Gadgerson: Last time Twitter was down I went to the market, walked up and down the isles & shouted profanities at shoppers. I'm banne… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:42:06 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: Search for someone to bring excitement into your life, but get lucky when you find someone content to be bored with you. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:42:03 +0000 2014 | RT @jeffreyvanclea1: I would retire tomorrow if I had a sharpie and a piece of cardboard |
| Thu Sep 04 23:42:00 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveNLunchmeat: If you love blow jobs so much, get off twitter and go give blow jobs. Fulfill your destiny. Follow your dreams. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:41:57 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: How did I get paint up my nose? |
| Thu Sep 04 23:41:44 +0000 2014 | RT @Fingers_of_Fury: Cop: We believe he lost control of the vehicle due to some object flying toward him. He was able to text, "Let's duck,… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:41:39 +0000 2014 | RT @jomartin26: Leaked naked celebrity pics...phew...I'm exhausted.....need the day to recuperate. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:41:37 +0000 2014 | RT @MmeLaCrooz: Dreamt an entire sci-fi fast car morphs into mind controlled flying devices to escape evil govt pursuit just to pick up my … |
| Thu Sep 04 23:41:34 +0000 2014 | RT @14thmouse: She never outgrew her shameful compulsion to sink a finger in the cellophane wrapped Hostess cupcakes, leaving creamy tears … |
| Thu Sep 04 23:41:30 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Another day, another chance that a herd of gazelle will hold you aloft on a silk daybed while you quaff nectar and avo… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:41:25 +0000 2014 | RT @4boding: Confucius* say, "Those who speak not to people in real life are doomed to explode all over Twitter." *I |
| Thu Sep 04 23:41:20 +0000 2014 | RT @Cassfullofjoy: Ain't it fun? |
| Thu Sep 04 23:41:17 +0000 2014 | RT @KristinDeirdreM: If an adult uses the word "sick" to describe anything not related to health, I curl my lip and growl to let them know … |
| Thu Sep 04 23:41:11 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Sign up to live in the Utopia I'm building: Nude dentists Nude prostate exams Nude elementary school teachers Nude hot dog… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:40:43 +0000 2014 | RT @MmeLaCrooz: Once, we escaped by thinking 'everyone is looking the wrong way' so hard that they didn't see us fly away. Shuddup. Sci-fi … |
| Thu Sep 04 23:40:33 +0000 2014 | RT @beingtheo: We all have at least one unbearable, painful spot. We can try to confront it, heal it, numb it away. And, if we can't, it's … |
| Thu Sep 04 23:40:30 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: Say, "But what's normal?" and invite the opportunity to break out charts and graphs, and to show off statistical analyses … |
| Thu Sep 04 23:40:23 +0000 2014 | RT @BorkBorkulator: Ok now everybody go do the iced coffee challenge. It's to support girls who literally can't even. Sponsored by: Starbuc… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:40:00 +0000 2014 | RT @thatdutchperson: Cat: *yawns* Me: I know, right? |
| Thu Sep 04 23:39:56 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: Maybe my grandma stayed married for 50 yrs because she never said stuff like "I just wish he would support me, you know, cr… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:39:52 +0000 2014 | RT @Asbo_Unicorn: I sang for my supper but it was not impressed. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:39:44 +0000 2014 | RT @schumyxxx: My hobbies include gently shaking my keys when others are searching for theirs. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:39:41 +0000 2014 | RT @BeCoco77: So a guy just gave me a nice compliment and I believed him and didn't over analyze it and now it's like I don't even know who… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:39:35 +0000 2014 | RT @sheepandrobots: Guys love it when MILFs yell out during sex: Pump me fast like a hot wheel service station! Trust me on this. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:39:33 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Chuck the baby out with the bathwater, blubber over spilt milk, hock a loogie at water under the bridge, slobber-spit … |
| Thu Sep 04 23:39:21 +0000 2014 | RT @Mitchoacan: Still on that call. Still all bullshit |
| Thu Sep 04 23:39:18 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Only one thing stands between you and your dreams. Feasibility. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:39:06 +0000 2014 | RT @The_Only_Kunti: Go ahead then. Segregate that rainbow. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:38:58 +0000 2014 | RT @lollipopleggies: Okay gonna shake off that meanness from that little fucker and get my ass moving in a better direction.. Can I back i… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:38:54 +0000 2014 | RT @Henry_3k: If they tweet like they have all the answers they usually ain't got a clue. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:38:51 +0000 2014 | RT @warhorse76: She claimed she was gonna drop him like a bad habit. He wasn't worried. He'd never seen her drop a bad habit in her whole l… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:38:44 +0000 2014 | RT @Asbo_Unicorn: I can honestly say I've never coveted my neighbours wife. They're not married and she's not all that |
| Thu Sep 04 23:38:32 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Today is the first soul-sucking, gut-annihilating, failure-soaked day of the rest of your life! |
| Thu Sep 04 23:38:28 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: Finding creative new ways for expressing the usual complaints to ease life's aches and pains. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:38:08 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: He paid me $150 for the "girlfriend experience," so I went through his phone then locked myself in the bathroom, sobbing in… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:38:04 +0000 2014 | RT @RandomAntics: If "Dinosaurotica" isn't a thing, then the internet has failed us all. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:37:53 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: You changed your avi from an old fatman to a greater-than symbol? If you change ur name I'll never be able to find you. Wait … |
| Thu Sep 04 23:37:37 +0000 2014 | RT @The_Only_Kunti: The right to express your thoughts and opinions is something that is not an expression of freedom but rather a demonstr… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:37:34 +0000 2014 | RT @Asbo_Unicorn: adrift on a sea of ennui in my boat made from a coconut husk. Who knew they grew so big? |
| Thu Sep 04 23:37:10 +0000 2014 | RT @KristinDeirdreM: Stunt casting: in a dream, the role of midwife is played by one of my high school teachers, a pompadoured nun who pret… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:37:05 +0000 2014 | RT @KatWar1: "Ma'am step away from the inflammatory tweet" |
| Thu Sep 04 23:36:39 +0000 2014 | RT @KmamouK: A rule to live by. http://t.co/ufuWGMjKrt |
| Thu Sep 04 23:36:35 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: After many years, my cat and I have agreed upon a compromise: I tolerate his crazy tantrums, and in return he does whatever… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:36:15 +0000 2014 | RT @Bandersnaaatch: Assless chaos? I'm intrigued, autocorrect. Do tell. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:36:10 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: We may all be unique little snowflakes, but our behavior looks like a uniform blanket when observed from a distance. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:36:03 +0000 2014 | RT @The_Only_Kunti: They came in through the side door, they took a seat in the front row and heckled the show. Too much beauty for their m… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:35:44 +0000 2014 | RT @elliew398: One thing I do that makes it hard to be my friend is decide unilaterally to go out in fancy dress, without warning. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:35:34 +0000 2014 | RT @PinkCamoTO: Not to brag guys, but I'm an important caller and if I stay on the line, someone will be with me shortly. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:35:30 +0000 2014 | RT @MicheleMMusic: A guy made me fried chicken & eggs and I came first, cuz a guy who cooks is fucking hot...Yes, Yes, Yes, Oh God, Yes, I … |
| Thu Sep 04 23:35:26 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: People that skirt an issue love to hem and haw around. And I am just SEW over it! |
| Thu Sep 04 23:35:18 +0000 2014 | RT @The_Only_Kunti: I am not your sister, I am not your mother, I am not she. I am the one you left by the water, when the lotus flowers ne… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:35:05 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: If you listen close, you can hear the "pop" of a childproof cap accompanying every inspirational quote. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:32:22 +0000 2014 | RT @SomerM: "The nicest person I've ever known was named Sharon Cox. Hahaha, get it? She really was generous." "Pardon?" "Oh, oops. Bless m… |
| Thu Sep 04 23:30:39 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: The worst thing about Obamacare is small businesses having to give health insurance to Part-Time Lovers. |
| Thu Sep 04 23:20:30 +0000 2014 | RT @_Anntics10: the raindrops as the sky heard your grief.. |
| Thu Sep 04 15:29:29 +0000 2014 | Unsurmountable, the obstacle. His destiny, inevitably, to blow it. Custer's last stand obviously was to be the Popsicle brand. Yes, grape. |
| Sun Aug 31 19:33:23 +0000 2014 | Calle 13 - No Hay Nadie Como Tú http://t.co/4tUu31ZQue |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:59 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: People who have multiple alt accounts have no social life & spend way too much time on Twitter. Also, they have 2 cats and … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:57 +0000 2014 | RT @eroticnewfie: Looking at Twitter porn while waiting at Target. I hope the guy behind me knows I want to fuck. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:55 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: If a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, how much is one in the mouth worth? Wink, wink. I really don't know what … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:53 +0000 2014 | RT @truetootrue: Twitter needs a "trade this person to facebook" button |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:49 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: I'm really good--like 60% accurate--at telling if flowers are real or artificial. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:48 +0000 2014 | RT @sexoutthecity: Kellee Maize - Third Eye http://t.co/bqVzK67JAx (music video) via @LightCarnival |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:45 +0000 2014 | RT @typ0negative: How many idiots have purchased these bacon bowls & will you make me one? |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:43 +0000 2014 | RT @VioletThunk: Someone in this Target bathroom had better stop whistling, or else. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:42 +0000 2014 | RT @domesticH: harnessing discontent to power my naps |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:39 +0000 2014 | RT @SaveItForFest: Thought 20 pranksters decided to stink-bomb the office by taking off their shoes & socks, but it was just Pam microwavin… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:38 +0000 2014 | RT @crston8: Love makes us better human beings |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:36 +0000 2014 | RT @sheepandrobots: My son has severe allergies so our aged kitty is confined to the dungeon. At night, I hear him meowing One by Metallica. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:33 +0000 2014 | RT @vivalacrap: No, I do not want to sign your petition I'm too tired for a revolution. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:31 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: ♥ RT @LoveScopes ♥ "We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us." ~Josep… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:29 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: "The assumption of the feeling of the wish fulfilled makes the future dream a present fact." ~Neville |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:26 +0000 2014 | RT @typ0negative: It's like my neighbor's precious barking pooch has forgotten I can throw a rock that far from my deck. And very accuratel… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:24 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: And I google my symptoms and I think fuck this crappy drug. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:19 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: Whenever my cat gives me the nod I know something wild & wacky is about to happen. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:18 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: This might be the homeschooling talking, but do you think Jesus rode a triceratops or a velociraptor into battle to smite… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:11 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I'm kind of an expert on failed relationships & feline behavioral problems in multi-cat households. (Correlation does not i… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:09 +0000 2014 | RT @prettygoodyear: But I don't want to use my powers for good! |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:05 +0000 2014 | RT @donkeyyogi: I wish my human would stop putting little hats on me. : ( |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:04 +0000 2014 | RT @TheBookofTweet: "Withdrawing attention from what's not wanted opens us up to an imaginal event's arrival, one representing our fulfille… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:42:01 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: Pretty sure Peter Pan & Tinkerbell engaged in consensual BDSM activities until that time they snorted too much pixie dust & … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:59 +0000 2014 | RT @Brentweets: Twitter: Where you spend most of your time worrying you are tweeting too much while most don't even realize you are tweetin… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:57 +0000 2014 | RT @nezror: My ex is picking me up in 5 hours. Boy is she ever in for a treat to see I haven't changed at all not one bit |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:55 +0000 2014 | RT @BLABLAWHATEVAH: Why are we still testing products on animals when we have 38 million beliebers? |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:48 +0000 2014 | RT @twelveand: fuuuck birds |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:46 +0000 2014 | RT @JessLynnJelly: Some women are delicious and wondrous. if you want to piss on the sun go ahead but please leave them alone. #Bukowski |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:32 +0000 2014 | RT @WildeThingy: I'll be so mad if I find out there's only actually like 3 other people on Twitter and you're all just messin' with me. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:27 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: I try to dress very provocatively sexy when I go out so guys will buy me drinks and listen my reptilian shapeshifter co… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:23 +0000 2014 | RT @AlexSavva: Sorry Twitter - I blamed you for my failings. I should take more responsibility. - the sentiment that could end Twitter - |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:21 +0000 2014 | RT @jomartin26: You are absolutely fine. There's nothing wrong with you. They just don't know what they're talking about. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:18 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Does he even hold your truths to be self-evident? |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:17 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Nothing I buy from Victoria's Secret ever fits because they won't let me use the dressing rooms. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:15 +0000 2014 | RT @Willowbottom: What's simultaneously so inexpressibly sad and yet also so wonderful is this: life goes on. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:03 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: I notice that if you search from:alfageeek, it filters out all the tweets with the word fuck. It looks like I've tweeted 5 t… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:41:02 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: You have to try this from:handle search thing. It's really fast. Filters out the @'s & RTs. Goes deep in time. It's really a… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:40:54 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: Their diagnosis will make you question everything you did. You won't be able to do anything about what you did though, so st… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:40:51 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: Invading nests, pecking open eggs and drinking the viscous paste of the unborn young of other birds...that's so Raven. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:40:47 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: First comes love, then comes marriage then comes what the fuck you have a dog in a baby carriage. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:40:38 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: DJ Yoda & Tommy Lee ..feat. Lil Wayne, Spark Dawg, Big Sean, Joell Ortiz, Sum 41 & J-Son: 'Loser' http://t.co/UU55miS4I… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:40:23 +0000 2014 | RT @Robinbuble: "I don't have a TC" I whisper picking spaghettios out of his silver beard as he's slumped over a pile of 40oz bottles on th… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:40:18 +0000 2014 | RT @Izianikapani: 'Organic' is such a disappointing word. It sounds all sex organy and orgasmic but it's just hemp shopping bags and wrinkl… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:40:17 +0000 2014 | RT @Super_Cynthia: Standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona trying to avoid eye contact with this guy who's selling oranges and tube socks. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:40:10 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: *calculates how much of life was spent on punctuation* *calculates how much of life was spent calculating* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:40:08 +0000 2014 | RT @Bandersnaaatch: Contemplating the intricacies of life. Ho hum. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:40:05 +0000 2014 | RT @underalls: I'm selling these mystical charms to ward off energy vampires. They double as funnels for girls so they can pee while standi… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:57 +0000 2014 | RT @TheBookofTweet: A Dancing World Without End http://t.co/ErJxreu2qC |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:51 +0000 2014 | RT @meaculpau27: I knew it was too early to interact with people. I just threw my neck out...by shrugging. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:50 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: Close your eyes for a moment and sense the grand narrative unfolding. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:44 +0000 2014 | RT @MinervasDiner: "When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane." ~Hermann Hesse |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:40 +0000 2014 | RT @HarryRamble: Angry Birds Rio looks like fun, but the Provision for Legal Counsel clause on page 47, paragraph 34c in the Terms and Cond… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:38 +0000 2014 | RT @archetypecast: Let's debauch ourselves and speak of the kind of meaninglessness only the literate can understand. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:35 +0000 2014 | RT @typ0negative: *adds "escorted to construction zone porta pottie in tears" to road trip journal* *continues crying* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:15 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: I'm throwing TAMPONS like CONFETTI, citizens! Take as many as you want or need! Crafts, menstruation, practical joke… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:12 +0000 2014 | RT @Diaperogative: Weird Al conspiracy music video http://t.co/Roq07Wk9ex ..courtesy of @protolalia |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:10 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Lemme show you my parody account. *shows you parody's nutz* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:07 +0000 2014 | RT @Losephine: If I were a turtle where would I be.... |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:05 +0000 2014 | RT @sexoutthecity: Jed's A Millionaire - "Someone" http://t.co/mAA7g5V2Wr via @youtube |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:02 +0000 2014 | RT @PoeticDichotomy: *Gains 2 Followers* -Farts- *Loses 4 Followers* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:39:00 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: ☁ 'if only she worked out more' dreamed the little prince ☁ |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:58 +0000 2014 | RT @ErinEph: Guy at the bar just said "Hey man, PBR me" and I wonder why I never walk around with a canister of angry bees. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:53 +0000 2014 | RT @kellysoloduka: Got high & imagined a cartoon about a turtle with low self esteem who dressed up as a frog to be cool, but couldn't hop … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:52 +0000 2014 | RT @Yeezeus: "Words are things, & a small drop of ink, falling like dew upon a thought, produces that which makes.. ..perhaps millions thin… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:49 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: The theme song to "Small Wonder" was ghostwritten by the 80's shock metal band, W.A.S.P. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:47 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: pawn takes queen |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:45 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: Imagine me wearing white panties. Wrong! They aren't white any more. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:44 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: I want to join a ghost hunting team to have a cool T-shirt and a hokey acronym. Sumthin like Spooky Hunters of International … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:41 +0000 2014 | RT @AskAuntieEm1: Don't be a tool. ~ Inspirational tweet |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:30 +0000 2014 | RT @_solarflare: Today I'm doing nothing and I'm fucking nailing it! |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:28 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: Then one day out of the blue, I wasn't in the mood for lovelorn tweets anymore. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:26 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: Hope that being here is not your last attempt at relevancy. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:23 +0000 2014 | RT @LizzieEMB: Oh oh. I'm suddenly happy for no reason. This does not bode well. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:22 +0000 2014 | RT @typ0negative: The Little Engine That Can't Even |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:19 +0000 2014 | RT @nezror: I got you a bucket of money just kidding it's a bean bag chair that's not right it's the state flag with pole nah I didn't get … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:17 +0000 2014 | RT @_davidlucas_: *Grows fat on followers' RTs *Declares RTs no longer matter ~Elites. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:10 +0000 2014 | RT @WaterLilyDreams: My knees may be weak, but my resolve is fierce. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:08 +0000 2014 | RT @2tickytacky: I put something down someplace where it would be easy to find. All that I remember is that it's in a place that it would b… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:05 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: I wrote a song for you. Will you sing it to me? |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:03 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: One of my favorite things in life is the sight of guys with their hands in their pockets, standing around looking at th… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:38:00 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I tried to take one of those selfies with the camera held up at a flattering angle, but a bird flew overhead and photobombe… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:58 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: Okay, ignoring all the credible, research-based theories, let's, for the sake of pointless argument, discuss the ones you'… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:55 +0000 2014 | RT @MyHaikuProject: 250. Gloss thick lips parted / strong smooth thighs, brushing fingers / arched expectation #haiku http://t.co/fdi5O0wT6E |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:51 +0000 2014 | RT @OL_K_RIDDLE: A candy necklace, but with steamed broccoli. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:48 +0000 2014 | RT @Bandersnaaatch: I get all the news I need from my bowl of Alphabits each morning. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:47 +0000 2014 | RT @fridaycandy: If you are really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor... Shhhh... Listen |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:44 +0000 2014 | RT @AngelinaC72: Change the ending. Save the world. Things I think, while attempting to sleep. I need to find another story. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:43 +0000 2014 | RT @csmsg1: Wow! I have 143 followers now! Can I call you my friends? ... ... ... *gets 143 unfollows* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:31 +0000 2014 | RT @SongsOfLaredo: Another day, another supernova |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:29 +0000 2014 | RT @victorialinge: Calm down guy with Monster sticker on his motorcycle behind me |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:26 +0000 2014 | RT @kg_hawk: You. But in my mouth. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:23 +0000 2014 | RT @FancyNancyAnn: Twitter: where you spend an inordinate amount of your day trying to think of things to amuse strangers. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:22 +0000 2014 | RT @all_about_today: LOL at math equation joke tweets. I mean, I guess. It's not like I did the math. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:19 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: Hot Medieval single moms want you to pound their castle gates with your giant battering ram. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:18 +0000 2014 | RT @SenatorScience: A hovering thumb away from @ ing a stranger to tell him he loused up his misanthropic Sound of Music joke with a Mary P… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:15 +0000 2014 | RT @MyInnerRedhead: I do not understand velociraptor with a T-Rex accent. Use your words, minion... |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:07 +0000 2014 | RT @KittySaysMeeow: If you're ballsy enough to ask if you can motor boat me in a bar, you'd better make it count. And you should probabl… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:05 +0000 2014 | RT @DilemmaEmmaEmma: It's like yea, I'm pretty weird & damaged but I clean the house to Black Sabbath in combat boots, in short shorts. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:37:00 +0000 2014 | RT @kv8: Maybe I'm just here to counterbalance all the acting like a responsible adult in the daytime stuff, you don't know me. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:59 +0000 2014 | RT @Slumber_Partay: You know what they say: the longer the ponytail, the closer to Satan. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:51 +0000 2014 | RT @BlindChow: "You want to go out? On this, the day of my daughter's wedding?" I ask. My dog just wags his tail. Ugh. He never gets my m… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:48 +0000 2014 | RT @Tw1tter_K1tten: One more week on Twitter and I'll be fluent in perv, poetry, emoji, and Arabic. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:43 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Hot pioneer moms want you to grease their rear prairie wagon axles with tallow. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:42 +0000 2014 | RT @jordan_stratton: Note to Self: In future interviews, don't say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:39 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: It's funny - one day you don't even know pink peonies exist and the next it's all you can think about. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:37 +0000 2014 | RT @Jay1972Jay: As it turns out, I had no plans for the recession. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:34 +0000 2014 | RT @Super_Cynthia: How much for the nipple clamps? Ma'am, this is a lie detector test. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:33 +0000 2014 | RT @Fredzipfel: Nothing quite as useful as the spoken word for misdirection and concealment, except the written word |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:30 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: I'm not a psychologist, but I've taken enough internet quizzes to make reductive diagnostic assumptions about anyone wh… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:27 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: My new novel is a pioneering work of experimental fiction that eschews written language & the traditional constraints o… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:22 +0000 2014 | RT @KristinDeirdreM: In terms of shit-talking among the cater waiters, Joe had lots of sick burns, but Sara was best at their more subtle c… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:18 +0000 2014 | RT @Cool_Jesse: I think the worst part of getting famous would be having to date Drew Barrymore. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:16 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: One time I texted a girl Good morning beautiful and she replied Hey you, and I never did that again. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:11 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: If your name is Mark and you don't start sex off with, On your Mark! then what the hell is wrong with me? |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:09 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Finally, I can do an internet search for "Lucy" without some stupid monkey skeleton showing up first. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:07 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: *hums La Marseillaise* <nothing happens> *thinks of Marianne* <nothing happens> *thinks of a rooster* *finishes* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:04 +0000 2014 | RT @Ohhwhoops: I'm at my most princess when when my tiara is your hands holding up my hair. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:02 +0000 2014 | RT @ErrenMichaels: My hair smells of coconut. I am ready for anything. ANYTHING. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:36:00 +0000 2014 | RT @Glennmandirect: "No rhyme or reason." I like the "or" there. It implies reason can fly completely out the window as long as you express… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:58 +0000 2014 | RT @Raoul_Duke_71: So, you got fun & games? Everything I want? Know the names, & are the people that can find whatever I may need? This jun… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:52 +0000 2014 | RT @Bandersnaaatch: Your eyes twinkle Like brilliant stars Or firefly asses |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:49 +0000 2014 | RT @UnhingedBlah: What I need is a 'behavioral cognitive transition therapy' what I want is a chocolate croissant |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:47 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: Filing your apologies under "ephemera" |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:35 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: A critical discourse analysis on the prominence of reverse cowgirl in pop culture as part of your thesis on the fetishizat… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:34 +0000 2014 | RT @DamonHunzeker: It's not how many times you fall down; it's how many times you get teleported to a dystopian dimension replete with futu… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:30 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: plot twist: nobody is crazy and everyone deserves respect and love. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:29 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: I have made some pretty awesome friends on Twitter. They helped me through a manic psychotic break and saw me through my Av… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:27 +0000 2014 | RT @scrirc: Dated a girl who worked at an embroidery shop. At first she seamed nice but things really unravelled and we never ended up tyin… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:24 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I've arrived at an age where people no longer laugh when I trip and fall down. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:23 +0000 2014 | RT @crston8: Strong people don't put others down they lift them up |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:20 +0000 2014 | RT @apple_hotm: Make no mistake - I am delicious. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:18 +0000 2014 | RT @jeffreyvanclea1: I remember when I thought twitter was going to be a minor setback |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:15 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: I understand that you just want to make love to me, but before we start what exactly is a "Foghat"? |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:12 +0000 2014 | RT @Ghetto_Trophy: Everybody is "open minded" until you bust out your cannibal fork. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:10 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: someone tried to insult me once by saying i didn't brush my hair but that wasn't too good a one |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:08 +0000 2014 | RT @MmeLaCrooz: I'm okay with skipping the pedicure but thank goodness I found someone who could give me a facial. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:06 +0000 2014 | RT @kissmeparsley: T'was a good day lived today. :) |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:04 +0000 2014 | RT @Genevieve0404: Okay, if a solar storm hits and the internet goes down, we all meet at the old tree at the end of the street. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:02 +0000 2014 | RT @AskAuntieEm1: Total dork. I know. Come at me. There's no line. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:35:01 +0000 2014 | RT @KittenWritten: They herded us to the elevator and the first one to push the button was made manager. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:57 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: minds and smart people and all of us typing different things ad leaving links. ponderer everything and understand things out… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:49 +0000 2014 | RT @picoferal: do love. it's colorfuller http://t.co/okyxW8Etlv |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:46 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: Wing Chun - The Ultimate Demonstration: http://t.co/XH4LOcV2De via @YouTube |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:44 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: Kanye West - Gorgeous (Ft Kid Cudi & Raekwon) + Lyrics: http://t.co/8KAOT33nf8 via @YouTube |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:39 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: It took 8 months but I've finally accomplished my one big fitness goal. I can wiggle my left pinky toe without moving any o… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:36 +0000 2014 | RT @jomartin26: "Life is more vivid & putridly beautiful when it's cosmically sad"..said the Big Bad Wolf as he ravished Little Red Ridding… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:35 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: 'no don't do that' i say 'haha i'm doing it' i say back |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:32 +0000 2014 | RT @LilianaXO: *reading persons bio* "Unfollow for a block" Hahaha, challenge accepted. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:30 +0000 2014 | RT @xplodingbanana: All I'm saying is that a flamethrower would improve my quality of life by 100% right now. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:28 +0000 2014 | RT @ODeadInside: Hi, I'm here to make things awkward *takes out acoustic guitar* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:25 +0000 2014 | RT @mtnwizard: You bet your ass I brake for ripe berries |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:24 +0000 2014 | RT @noneofyours99: Exes name tattooed on your body ? Name a pet the same name Boom, problem solved |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:21 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: I want the kind of magic that works whether you believe in it or not. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:19 +0000 2014 | RT @SaraESpivey: That 1 person whose tiny little avi shows up on ur screen cuz they starred ur tweet. And you wish u could jump into the ph… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:17 +0000 2014 | RT @soanim8ed: Was weird a lady at the bus stop was using a spyglass until she boarded, commandeered and pillaged the bus. I’m now cabin bo… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:12 +0000 2014 | RT @doktorj: When you combine two smart, creative and filthy minds, the possibilities are endless. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:09 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: *Puts on banana costume* *Naps in a hammock* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:07 +0000 2014 | RT @autumnzephyr: You ... should be my breakfast in bed. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:06 +0000 2014 | RT @Ptwitch: Before Twitter, I said no one hears me ..or cares what I think.. it was true...I love this mindmeld..this worldhug.. I love th… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:03 +0000 2014 | RT @BronxCheer48: I am giving a presentation to scientists who are much smarter than me. Gonna dazzle em with my new laser pointer & baffl… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:34:01 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: Well, wish me luck. I'm off to prove that youth pastors come out of the womb with tiny acoustic guitars. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:57 +0000 2014 | RT @k8ieokay: There's no reason why yesterday's nonsense should muddle up today. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:54 +0000 2014 | RT @VestaTot: What would happen if every bird in the world grew floppy dog ears overnight? We'd get used to it, is what. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:53 +0000 2014 | RT @nutty_flores: At least there was a reason I hitched a ride on an alpaca in the wood. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:50 +0000 2014 | RT @bizarrequotes: my real parents were a poisonous frog and a paint by numbers kit of a mushroom |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:48 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: I'll be very interested to see my analytics report when I get to heaven. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:46 +0000 2014 | RT @MmeLaCrooz: When the bands stopped playing, I humped the jukebox solely for dramatic emphasis. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:41 +0000 2014 | RT @slyoung5: Is it okay if I let the dogs back in? |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:40 +0000 2014 | RT @Purld: Baked cookies. Ate cookies. Circle of life. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:38 +0000 2014 | RT @JustCallMeFrank: This day has reluctance written all over it. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:35 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: Change your avi and deny their lizard brain the ability to immediately parse friend from foe. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:33 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: I don't know why my work insists on direct deposit. I'd much rather have an oversized check and balloons every two week… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:30 +0000 2014 | RT @LizzieEMB: Sometimes I read a persons tweets & think, whooo we've got a nutcase here! Then I read again & it turns out they're a geniu… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:29 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: Narcissism and sexual frustration as renewable energy sources for this entire virtual enterprise. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:26 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: Once you hit 35, your chances for meeting a nice, normal guy with a good job who's into Small Wonder cosplay are practi… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:25 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: Step 1: Disassemble patriarchy Step 2: Install matriarchy Step 3: Tell men we can't be expected to do Everything. A li'… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:20 +0000 2014 | RT @littlemaclarge: Her: *squirts me in the eye.... Me: *winks forever..... |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:17 +0000 2014 | RT @Cognitive_Diss: Whatever I did to get her to pinch my nipples last night, I'm going to do double tomorrow. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:14 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: All the old gods are learning new tricks. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:12 +0000 2014 | RT @kissmeparsley: Dear dog what makes you smell so bad? It makes me wonder what you had. Until I find what makes you toot, You'll be held … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:10 +0000 2014 | RT @noneofyours99: All I want is to settle down with an extremely wealthy clown at the carnival. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:09 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: *Walks down long empty corridor, heels clicking on tile; spotless lab coat. *Reaches another door, opens it. *Weekend Twit… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:06 +0000 2014 | RT @Tw1tter_K1tten: If you watch the news all day, you notice they say the same thing over and over, word for word, it's ridiculous. *logs … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:04 +0000 2014 | RT @CARBAJALme: You know what really makes me sick?! Viruses. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:01 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: a literal fuckton of sparkles |
| Sun Aug 31 16:33:00 +0000 2014 | RT @1Tortured_soul: The waiting room of a welfare office also houses an extensive juggalo fingerprint database. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:57 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: Your tweets make you sound like a decent, nice, intelligent, kind person. WTF Over! |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:56 +0000 2014 | RT @RobbyRob313: Sorry, but I'd like a handshake just like everyone else, sir. This exploding fist pump is unacceptable. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:53 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: that's cute an old man in a golf sweater sitting in a plaid ez chair worrying about things |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:51 +0000 2014 | RT @jomartin26: Playing no pressure really slow Sambas at a lunatic asylum sounds fun. I could jam in the corner while they walk in circles… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:49 +0000 2014 | RT @EccentricPixie: parallel universes colliding all at once under the sheltering sky of love |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:47 +0000 2014 | RT @dressedinblack: Some people draw strength from sacred places residing deep within each one of you. Keep your light shining to guide the… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:46 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: I used to work for a guy who always said,"I love it when a plan comes together." We hid the men's room key from him a l… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:43 +0000 2014 | RT @CM2BTTHD: Juice boxes I ordered for Twitter Boot Camp have vanished off the loading dock. Hearing cursing, hooting, and "Fucking straw!… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:41 +0000 2014 | RT @JustCallMeFrank: *drops panties to activate Bat-signal* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:39 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: *Scraps God tweet as advanced search yields Infinite tweets.* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:36 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: You had me at, "high-functioning autism with a savant-like knowledge of remedial robotics technology." |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:35 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: I'm here because I'm searching. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:33 +0000 2014 | RT @LizzieEMB: You're the kind of boy my mother told me never to follow. *Finger hovers over follow button..... |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:30 +0000 2014 | RT @Losephine: My roommate acts like her hymen is still intact but I'm pretty sure virgins don't buy Orange Cappuccino Italian Style Instan… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:28 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: Sure, Twitter is a lot of fun & we've all made a ton of money, but every once in a while you have to step back & ask, "… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:25 +0000 2014 | RT @eborg01: A Tweet so filled with lightness and joy it can fill a bunch of party balloons that will float around for days! |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:24 +0000 2014 | RT @sioux63southey: is it just me or does this ' 0G<' look like a stick-man masturbating sideways yeah...I know ur smiling :) |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:22 +0000 2014 | RT @ms_raconteur: they lamented the chaos that swirled about their feet, yet they stirred it up ever so gently when things became a bit dul… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:18 +0000 2014 | RT @SarahsJokes: I just shut the lights off on people in a public bathroom. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:32:16 +0000 2014 | RT @1Tortured_soul: I tell the trailer park idiot there's a genie in my cooch and if he rubs it he gets a wish then just give him a balloon… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:31:46 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: Starting now, I'm going to fight all my fires with more fire. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:31:33 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: Leeks are delicious, but they're dirty fuckers. You just know, of all the vegetables, they'd be the ones to like bathroom … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:31:30 +0000 2014 | RT @cranky2pants: These chocolate covered raisins would be awesome except there's raisins in em. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:31:25 +0000 2014 | RT @jkrambles: Twitter is outright fuckery, plain & simple. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:31:21 +0000 2014 | RT @erickomans: What if apples don't actually float and they're just treading water to avoid the Barrel Beast? |
| Sun Aug 31 16:31:18 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: To make my famous soup, I start by taking a leek... |
| Sun Aug 31 16:31:16 +0000 2014 | RT @1Tortured_soul: Ever stand in front of a mirror with a painted on smile and curly toed jester shoes and barely recognize yourself anymo… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:31:14 +0000 2014 | RT @LollySassafras: Dudes who interrupt press conferences with conspiracy theories are my heroes. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:31:11 +0000 2014 | RT @squiggIeline: "Why am I even surprised? I knew you were a monster!" Turns her back, starts to walk away... chihuahua lunges for her a… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:31:10 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: “The past has no power over the present moment.” ― Eckhart Tolle ♥ |
| Sun Aug 31 16:31:00 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: Got some time off. Told myself I will not be glued to twitter. Slept in late and here I am. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:59 +0000 2014 | RT @Dark_Spectre: I'm so sure there is such a thin line between male & female, but it seems like the universe. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:56 +0000 2014 | RT @Cognitive_Diss: Only those who have been crushed on the hill are prepared to learn. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:53 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: Don't correct me. Accept me. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:51 +0000 2014 | RT @SuMacDan: Your RTs say more about you than your tweets. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:50 +0000 2014 | RT @llvvzz: It takes sadness to know something is wrong. Sometimes it takes enough anger to make things change. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:45 +0000 2014 | RT @CARBAJALme: See, here's the thing about watching the local news: don't. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:44 +0000 2014 | RT @FrauDammt: The only klout I give a shit about is helping other people on here get noticed. Pay it forward. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:42 +0000 2014 | RT @Don_Pearyawn: Oh, I get it. A bunch of you guys got together and said: "let's tweet shit nobody can comprehend" - lol |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:39 +0000 2014 | RT @PoeticDichotomy: I'll have you know I majored in shut the fuck up, settle your ass down and no one wants to see that. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:36 +0000 2014 | RT @Cpt_Burnout: Don't make this weird, just love me. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:34 +0000 2014 | RT @hrylbuffness: *sends love for all humanity* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:29 +0000 2014 | RT @sexoutthecity: Jed's A Millionaire - "Love" .. http://t.co/fI9rmP6IUe .. (gotta believe) ~•* |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:26 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: Most of my free time is spent fixing mistakes from the previous day. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:24 +0000 2014 | RT @vivalacrap: This court order doesn't say anything about being classy so fuck it. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:22 +0000 2014 | RT @Ochy_Zachary: How many times do I have to say 'no I don't want to be on the Tweet Mate calender'? In case they ever ask me. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:19 +0000 2014 | RT @Don_Pearyawn: As big as Twitter is, I keep asking myself how the hell did I get on this bus. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:16 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: I just wanted to make a snarky comment online, and they made me create a blog. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:14 +0000 2014 | RT @domesticH: if love were a currency i’d like to be poor. that would mean i’d given my share. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:13 +0000 2014 | RT @schumyxxx: Even though I lost two games playing Words With Friends with a random opponent, I still feel like I owe my pet an explanatio… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:09 +0000 2014 | RT @Cognitive_Diss: The guides are blind and the hills have been waxed. No one tells you these things, so I shall. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:07 +0000 2014 | RT @cleve66: No, YOU need to tweet a good one. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:04 +0000 2014 | RT @haykshan: There are no sluts. There are only friendly vaginas. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:02 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: Why We Tweet: An open letter to twitter spouses, bosses, and family. http://t.co/tmzJzoVWhT |
| Sun Aug 31 16:30:00 +0000 2014 | RT @preawsaurus: no i'm not jealous but i know karate. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:57 +0000 2014 | RT @dressedinblack: We dreamed and now we are. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:55 +0000 2014 | RT @ClubNette: I'm off centre on a spinning record (an ode to my hesitational ways with twitter): http://t.co/ZlDllfQgKC |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:49 +0000 2014 | RT @THK1965: Just wiped barbecue sauce from ribs I ate 7 hours ago off of my glasses. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:46 +0000 2014 | RT @MyHaikuProject: 273. What humanity? / When we are nothing except / broken little gods #haiku |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:42 +0000 2014 | RT @hesitaetion: basically everyone irl is making me upset so hi twitter what's up |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:39 +0000 2014 | RT @ptvi: People that think I only work an hour or two a day need to recognize how long it takes to refill da' fannypack. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:37 +0000 2014 | RT @EccentricPixie: invent me out of made up words sculpt me with invisible hands paint me outside the lines sing me into existence a mirac… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:32 +0000 2014 | RT @rotusbrossum: You don’t have enough bait to catch me. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:28 +0000 2014 | RT @thedassie: Existential, within the embrace of this insufferable subterfuge, I reawaken in the garden, still filled with wonder. *sle… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:24 +0000 2014 | RT @soulamplified: She left a trail Of serenity and calm As the storm raged on The wrong side of lunacy. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:20 +0000 2014 | RT @Cunda22: Reverse cowgirl but only because my favourite cartoons are on. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:17 +0000 2014 | RT @KittenWritten: It was a dark and stormy staff meeting. --- Why my boss doesn't want me recording the minutes anymore |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:14 +0000 2014 | RT @KittenWritten: A motivational poster at work so inspiring that I quit. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:13 +0000 2014 | RT @cleve66: Sometimes I come to twitter to prepare for real life. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:05 +0000 2014 | RT @TheBookofTweet: "There are never enough 'I love yous'." ~Lenny Bruce |
| Sun Aug 31 16:29:02 +0000 2014 | RT @dreamthievin: 🎶 Hot teller / Crap, he will see / I've got a balance / Of a hundred and three 🎶 ...cents |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:59 +0000 2014 | RT @DamonHunzeker: Your Bible scriptures are blaspheming our comedy tweets. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:53 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I think you should quit your job so you'll be available to goof off whenever I need you. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:51 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: I like Georgia O'Keefe's taco paintings. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:48 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: "It's not what it looks like," I say to the bunny noticing my slippers. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:42 +0000 2014 | RT @sannewman: Of course Mommy and Daddy wanted you. What made you think we didn't want you, Stinking Albatross? |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:33 +0000 2014 | RT @RandomAntics: Just watched my dog watch a squirrel for 5 minutes thinking how dumb she is. Then realized I watched my dog watch a squir… |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:31 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Humid singles in your area are still insisting it's not really about the heat. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:25 +0000 2014 | RT @1Tortured_soul: Pain and adversity has temporary reprieves but giving up is forever. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:23 +0000 2014 | RT @1Tortured_soul: Didn't want my kids growing up in a broken home so I blew the neighbor to fix the transmission. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:21 +0000 2014 | RT @Bandersnaaatch: Fluent in a language based solely in subtle eyebrow movements. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:18 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: Pugs will sniff vodka, but to get them to drink it with gusto, you pretty much need two sets of hands. |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:16 +0000 2014 | RT @kwirkyKerri: If you could hear what I'm thinking, you'd already be on your way |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:11 +0000 2014 | RT @drubicabra: I truly believe I'm a hard person to hate, but an incredibly easy person to find obnoxious and moderately unpleasant to be … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:09 +0000 2014 | RT @ShanaRose21: I don't ever watch TV.... Says the girl who has her phone in her hands 24/7 |
| Sun Aug 31 16:28:05 +0000 2014 | RT @jordan_stratton: Not putting an "i" in "team" was kind of a missed opportunity for Steve Jobs, huh? |
| Sun Aug 31 16:27:59 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: You know those dented cans sans label at the market? I'm like that, but it turns out I'm full of, like, snacks and booze and … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:27:56 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Go home and shave your long-haired cat's fur to make it look like a little lion. Until then, we have absolutely nothing in … |
| Sun Aug 31 16:27:54 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: Why did I put cucumbers on my salad? I hate cucumbers. *Shaking you by the shoulders* What am I trying to prove, man?!? |
| Wed Aug 27 02:12:54 +0000 2014 | RT @MmeLaCrooz: Met another wizard. |
| Wed Aug 27 02:00:19 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: its calm here like a lake usually but today the seas are churning crashing against the shore ..a hurricane per… |
| Tue Aug 26 00:58:35 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: This is what it comes down to- dehydrated tomatoes. |
| Tue Aug 26 00:56:39 +0000 2014 | RT @Ghetto_Trophy: "Yeah, I've broken a few hearts." - terrible Cardiologist |
| Tue Aug 26 00:54:25 +0000 2014 | RT @Christal_L: I'm going to bed. No one touch my stuff ... Oh and I'm blowing kisses to every single one of the strangers, freakin the sen… |
| Mon Aug 25 05:40:22 +0000 2014 | RT @typ0negative: Just found out that Medicare doesn't cover the optional drink (beer) holder on the mobility scooter. Fuck you, Obama. |
| Mon Aug 25 04:12:24 +0000 2014 | RT @BardenMs: Whatever train I'm on, its on the right track, so I'll obliviate and ride into a glorious sunrise I finally understand. Smile… |
| Sun Aug 24 22:21:24 +0000 2014 | RT @AskAuntieEm1: <------- Laughing hysterically over life's perverse absurdities. |
| Sun Aug 24 22:21:02 +0000 2014 | RT @Purld: Don't just be part of the problem, be the entire problem. |
| Sun Aug 24 22:20:45 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: Educate me. Harder. |
| Sun Aug 24 22:18:30 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: In search of some magical place where no one expects me to answer any questions. |
| Sun Aug 24 22:17:13 +0000 2014 | RT @Izianikapani: My new facial cleanser looks just like semen so I'm trying to think of a really good practical joke to play on him Unles… |
| Sun Aug 24 22:14:22 +0000 2014 | RT @the_anastasia: When sex is only ok I yell out names of minor gods. |
| Sun Aug 24 22:13:57 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: Do something unexpected today. Pet a flower, kiss a clock, don't have a punchline. |
| Sun Aug 24 22:05:49 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: Finishing one's coffee only to discover clues that the cat definitely had his paw in it beforehand. |
| Sun Aug 24 22:05:43 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Why do I have this feeling that none of you has been reading my blog? |
| Sun Aug 24 22:05:30 +0000 2014 | RT @DarkerWillow: CW: Do you like horror? Me: You mean like your hair? CW: Huh? Me: Your breath? CW: Whaaaat? Me: Get away from me with you… |
| Sun Aug 24 21:58:43 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: Sometimes I'll pronounce dumbass as "du-mas" just to make you laugh and love me more. |
| Sun Aug 24 21:51:57 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: This corner of Twitter would do well to have its own secret handshake if some of you would start washing your hands. |
| Sun Aug 24 21:51:13 +0000 2014 | RT @pardonpearl: Stumbled on Montreal's gay pride festival and hanging out with a Japanese guy who's wearing a bumble bee costume. He's pre… |
| Sun Aug 24 21:46:33 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: Driving in big cities is like life in general: You know where you want to go but you have no idea how to get there. |
| Sun Aug 24 21:41:20 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Cat, are you my ex-bf because you don't work, you make me pay for everything, and you expect constant adoration? Aw, c'mer… |
| Sun Aug 24 21:34:50 +0000 2014 | RT @2tickytacky: On the Eve of Destruction, do we set out milk and cookies? |
| Sat Aug 23 00:43:07 +0000 2014 | RT @HarryRamble: [rubs genie's lamp] "You have 3 wishes, Master." "I want to pee orange soda." "Granted. Next?" "No, that's it." "Nothing e… |
| Fri Aug 22 23:25:41 +0000 2014 | RT @DefUSK: Happy 40th Birthday Heres a mixed gift bag w/an invisibility cloak, lab orders, googly glasses & what is this IDGAF I see here … |
| Fri Aug 22 23:25:12 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: *leaves the house* *tweets about leaving the house* |
| Fri Aug 22 09:29:35 +0000 2014 | RT @IAmKatieOrr: If you forget your safeword, calling out the wrong name usually works just as well. ***The More You Know*** |
| Fri Aug 22 09:27:10 +0000 2014 | RT @schumyxxx: Dogs have an amazing ability to identify smells. Which comes as no surprise, because they're responsible for most of them. |
| Fri Aug 22 09:24:10 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: My signature move is carting all my old junk to my new residence. |
| Fri Aug 22 09:18:39 +0000 2014 | RT @tealbluejay: So, yawning without covering is NOT an invitation to toss a paperclip in your blow hole? This game is confusing. |
| Fri Aug 22 09:15:47 +0000 2014 | RT @DamonHunzeker: Is Scientology a real thing, or is it like Tatooine and ballet? |
| Fri Aug 22 09:10:23 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: Some asshat is yelling outside my window. Which one of you is it? |
| Fri Aug 22 09:01:22 +0000 2014 | RT @_benreily_: If I see you about to make a phone call, and I ask you "Who ya gonna call?", the future of our friendship will rely on the … |
| Fri Aug 22 09:01:09 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Since learning the words to "Amazing Grace" can be sung to the theme of Gilligan's Island, I can't remember which lyrics go… |
| Fri Aug 22 08:55:36 +0000 2014 | RT @PinkCamoTO: Gah!! I thought the jujube was purple! It was black! This is my nightmare!! |
| Fri Aug 22 08:53:40 +0000 2014 | RT @kickitupanacho: With my new Twitter name, now when I retweet you it looks like you paid for it. |
| Fri Aug 22 08:49:32 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: Guys, have some respect. These are not my "titties." These are my "bazongas." Ah-OOO-gah. Honk, honk. |
| Fri Aug 22 08:48:22 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: An invisible thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place & circumstance. The thread may tangle, but w… |
| Fri Aug 22 08:48:09 +0000 2014 | RT @VicProbably: If I get a third block I'm calling you my boyfriend. |
| Fri Aug 22 08:46:18 +0000 2014 | RT @Christal_L: You're actions speak your heart. Be sure you're right with yourself. |
| Fri Aug 22 08:42:29 +0000 2014 | RT @Sandytweetshere: Making love out this purple play dough. |
| Fri Aug 22 08:39:10 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: We know what the female wizards at Hogwarts are doing with their wands. We. Know. |
| Fri Aug 22 08:37:49 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: If someone tries to get your goat, don't let them. Tell them no, go get your own fucking goat. |
| Fri Aug 22 08:34:36 +0000 2014 | RT @omgroxie: So who is the abuser & the victim if you back down? You are. You double fail. Yourself times two. Learn Your lessons & rise u… |
| Fri Aug 22 08:31:12 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I'm beginning to suspect you might not love cats as much as I love cats. That's ok. This can be an "area of focus" for impr… |
| Mon Aug 18 02:19:02 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: http://t.co/hQzKKOlI1Y @protolalia @Zirconpartial |
| Mon Aug 18 02:19:00 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: @Zirconpartial loved your blog post ❤️ |
| Sat Aug 16 23:34:18 +0000 2014 | RT @Christal_L: The variety of people that travel down my stream is beautiful and amazing. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:23:19 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Midnight at the oasis, I've TRIED singing my camel to bed. I don't think it's a crime if I crush just half a Benadryl into … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:23:03 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: A good friend wrote this. If you liked my "Why we Tweet" or "My Year on Twitter" posts you'll like: Imaginary Friends http:/… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:22:57 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: Twitter is a clever application, getting all the people writing and supporting each other. Ideas flowing and education … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:22:51 +0000 2014 | RT @HMittelmark: If I'm editing a romance and the author says "he took her, roughly" too many times, I change some of them to "he took her,… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:22:38 +0000 2014 | RT @CVTBaby: Leotards. My favorite leg coverings that could also be handicapped horoscope. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:22:36 +0000 2014 | RT @RandomAntics: The 80s were a simpler time. A time when saying "abracadabra I wanna reach out and grab ya" just might've gotten you laid. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:22:20 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: My followers are hand-picked. Cultivated. Selected. This is an estate-grown twitter account. And you all improve with age. I… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:22:16 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: The art of disengagement from seemingly obligatory emotional protocol. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:22:12 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: They found me in the rubble, smoke drifting by lazily. They asked me, "Don't you remember?" I mumbled "We built this city … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:22:05 +0000 2014 | RT @PinkCamoTO: We are the League of Imaginary Friends. My Twitter superheroes. Do NOT fuck with us. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:22:00 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I can't believe nobody liked the joke I wrote based on a song that was a #2 hit on the pop charts for three weeks in 1974. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:21:54 +0000 2014 | RT @Tw1tter_K1tten: Nerd status: choreographed an intricate secret handshake with my husband. Then he called me a nerd. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:21:48 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Just because I fell madly in love with you doesn't mean I'm going to listen when you say, "Please stop putting little dress… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:21:36 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: The best thing about American daytime TV is Rachel Ray pretending to understand what people are saying. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:21:06 +0000 2014 | RT @litfirebird: Walk up into the club like just so you know, I'm humbled to be a part of this amazing writing group or whatever the fuck w… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:21:01 +0000 2014 | RT @litfirebird: Do you even cross your foot over the other one when you rollerskate around turns, bro? |
| Sat Aug 16 00:20:51 +0000 2014 | RT @jlock17: Every year for 16 years, I visited what turned out to be the wrong Jim Morrison's grave for inspiration. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:20:47 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: You should see my imitation of you . |
| Sat Aug 16 00:20:45 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: His lazy alternate reality lacked both imagination and attention to detail, so it wound up being like this reality, only s… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:20:41 +0000 2014 | RT @Asbo_Unicorn: My DM inbox is now full to brimming with dick pics Unrelated did you know you can DM yourself? |
| Sat Aug 16 00:20:36 +0000 2014 | RT @Glennmandirect: No, I'm pretty average. I should eat better, I watch too much TV, & I can make a woman orgasm simply by whispering her … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:20:33 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: Even cartoon puke is gross. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:20:23 +0000 2014 | RT @CzickenShack: I'm surprisingly open-minded about entertaining the views of those who call for my destruction. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:20:20 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: She abused all the substances, and they reciprocated by taking her functionality away. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:20:18 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: After careful deliberation, the marketing execs agreed to call the new product "pasta salad" and not "pasta soaked in 1600 … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:20:00 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Our car has a bumper sticker that says Coexcrete. We're a disgusting family. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:19:59 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: It doesn't cost a single penny to smile at stranger and say, "Dude, I literally love your bangs." It could make their whole… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:19:56 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Whenever anyone tells me about their problems, my advice is always the same: Have you tried using coconut oil? |
| Sat Aug 16 00:19:53 +0000 2014 | RT @Purld: Prefacing everything I say today with 'I'm no expert, but...' So far so good. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:19:47 +0000 2014 | RT @evem3281: Woke up this morning surrounded by popcorn and tooth flossers.Yes I know I need help, and Yes I do know this isn't the place … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:19:44 +0000 2014 | RT @Glennmandirect: Of the 100 people regularly polled by the producers of Family Feud, 97 of them have been outwitted by the self-checkout… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:19:32 +0000 2014 | RT @Asbo_Unicorn: People that wrap themselves in latex must have the patience of a saint. I tried to wrap a box in pallet wrap, it hurt my … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:19:03 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: I'm just avoiding all the things I'm supposed to be doing, and asking for followers on twitter in my tweets. Like all the co… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:18:58 +0000 2014 | RT @bukowssski: The courage it took to get out of bed each morning to face the same things over and over was enormous. - Charles Bukowski |
| Sat Aug 16 00:18:46 +0000 2014 | RT @14thmouse: The librarian wove through the stacks on unsteady legs. A run in her stockings and her blouse untucked. Book drunk again. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:18:43 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: "It's just like having a pen and a notebook" - me describing how I tweet. I probably should draft or crumple up some of thi… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:18:40 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: My observational prowess detects we are all speaking out of turn and not really getting our messages across clearly, clairvo… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:18:37 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: I'm allowed to write substandard tweets because my retweets are inspirational and of excellent calibre. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:18:33 +0000 2014 | RT @UnhingedBlah: This is a pickle not a jam, I argue with the fellow commuters while we witness space time fall apart awaiting for the sig… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:18:26 +0000 2014 | RT @AlexSavva: I'm sorry if I'm not the tweeter I once was. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:18:13 +0000 2014 | RT @Vrdxgreen: Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:18:08 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: Please, one of you: change your handle to Parzival Von Fupensmüchen. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:18:03 +0000 2014 | RT @Purld: I can always tell when the weather starts to change. My old safety pin injury rears it's ugly head. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:18:00 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: Provoke a fight, but cast yourself the victim and the other a demon to aid those who watch the drama unfold in picking sid… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:17:57 +0000 2014 | RT @Vrdxgreen: Yes! Twitter! Only twitter! |
| Sat Aug 16 00:17:45 +0000 2014 | RT @UnhingedBlah: I need a gold belt buckle cos everything else causes me skin allergies. Poor people problems |
| Sat Aug 16 00:17:33 +0000 2014 | RT @Glove_Monkey: Women should come with ingredients labels. I don't care how good you look or taste, I wanna know if you are a sleep-pu… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:17:18 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: I'm writing Wheel Of Fortune The Movie and the part of Pat Sajak is yours if you want it, @danacarvey. Just let me know. P… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:17:01 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: I don't know how it happens, but I always manage to alienate myself without meaning to. Maybe I am, in fact, an alien. … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:16:44 +0000 2014 | RT @sheepandrobots: I need a mani, pedi, vagi. That's a thing, right? |
| Sat Aug 16 00:16:43 +0000 2014 | RT @Tw1tter_K1tten: Guys always giggle and stare when I have a banana. Probably cuz I peel the Chiquita sticker off and put it on my foreh… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:16:39 +0000 2014 | RT @Maxine12333: The difference between something being a responsibility or a burden is love. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:16:28 +0000 2014 | RT @UnhingedBlah: Ok then I'll love you back |
| Sat Aug 16 00:16:20 +0000 2014 | RT @rmfnord: "Honey, you should know that sometimes I like to put on a wig and make-up--" "YOU'RE A CLOWN?" "What? No! A crossdresser!" "Oh… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:16:15 +0000 2014 | RT @LemmingDad: Nicotine seems like bullshit until you see the hordes of smokers already on break outside their NYC office buildings by 9:2… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:16:09 +0000 2014 | RT @RuADorkLikeMe: I don't care if he is a dead beat, I think it's disgusting to put down your kids dad in front of them. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:15:55 +0000 2014 | RT @Raoul_Duke_71: Waitress: Here you are sir. Me: Yes, here I am, and there you are, & now we won't have to cry ourselves to sleep alone, … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:15:49 +0000 2014 | RT @BodegaSly: Nothing screams suburbia like dragging a dog through the neighborhood with a plastic baggie full of dog shit while wearing a… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:15:42 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Sometimes I feel like my cat only pays attention when I talk about my day because he's hungry. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:15:18 +0000 2014 | RT @canadian_jane: The only good thing about having Alzheimers is that you'll forget a Pitbull song 10 minutes after you hear it. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:15:06 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: It's like I'm the only person on Twitter who's brave enough to use my real name as a handle. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:14:43 +0000 2014 | RT @Cheeseboy22: When I get my picture taken with a Disney character, I whisper to them, "I know you're really a real person." They need to… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:14:39 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Teenage me would roll her eyes so hard if she could see how often I text little sparklehearts and stars. ✨💖✨ |
| Sat Aug 16 00:14:25 +0000 2014 | RT @JerryThomas: Can we have a new Internet? This one is all icky. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:14:19 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: If you are offering me criticism, I get to decide whether it's "constructive" or not. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:14:11 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: If I tell people I'm a nurse, they ask me embarrassingly personal medical questions. Then I'm like, "omg, lol, I'm not real… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:14:03 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: Dear Depression, You came and got me before, this time you aren't taking me. Cheers. ♥K |
| Sat Aug 16 00:14:01 +0000 2014 | RT @AlexxMirez: I been arguing with myself for the past 5 minutes 😣 |
| Sat Aug 16 00:13:56 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: This is the little affirming rectangle of truth. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:13:54 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Returning from a family vacation. Happy to report that my mood was as unflappable as a pinwheel in a hurricane. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:13:51 +0000 2014 | RT @Super_Cynthia: Goin to county fair tomorrow so if anyone needs leather bracelets or a giant set of pots and pans, lemme know. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:13:44 +0000 2014 | RT @VicProbably: Of course we all have our friends on here we've all been on this thing for ages |
| Sat Aug 16 00:13:41 +0000 2014 | RT @Amelia_Draws: Even broken it's still a guinea pig wheel. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:13:38 +0000 2014 | RT @VicProbably: My thoughts are getting tangled in my fingers |
| Sat Aug 16 00:13:35 +0000 2014 | RT @Vrdxgreen: My life started to be so easy and happy and refreshing when he came. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:13:30 +0000 2014 | RT @xniverse: The real you is not a puppet which life pushes around; the real, deep down you is the whole universe. — Alan Watts |
| Sat Aug 16 00:13:24 +0000 2014 | RT @nezror: Ok, describe it again but this time more hand gestures for effects annnddd GO |
| Sat Aug 16 00:12:55 +0000 2014 | RT @TattleTSister: I get it; mainly funny people with cheery personalities do well here. Meanwhile, I'm currently levitating off my bed and… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:12:45 +0000 2014 | RT @Mitchoacan: Pinky's out, all day bitches |
| Sat Aug 16 00:12:43 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: When I was a boy my sensei made me plunge my hands into sacks of rice for hours on end to toughen them. Nah, just kiddi… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:12:32 +0000 2014 | RT @Super_Cynthia: The level of hero worship I receive in this drunk tank is palpable. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:12:28 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I've trained my cat to knock over all the pieces on the chessboard whenever he hears anyone who's not me say the word "chec… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:12:25 +0000 2014 | RT @Glennmandirect: You looked super-cute in that beret, so that's why I'm wearing these nine berets. Because attractiveness math. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:12:21 +0000 2014 | RT @Henry_3k: Ask yourself, is it your best? Is it really a good enough tweet for a Satur(presses enter)day? |
| Sat Aug 16 00:12:16 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: I handed the waitress my empty fajita platter & said "careful, it might be hot" and I'm sure she's never heard that befor… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:12:13 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: My sense of whimsy is already flagging today. I may have the energy to substitute feigned interest. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:12:10 +0000 2014 | RT @Maxine12333: You know how little kids throw tantrums for attention? I do and try to avoid those tweeters since I can't give them a tim… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:12:05 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I would like to thank Iggy Azalea for leading us bravely into fifth-wave feminism and getting that silly Mediocre song stuc… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:11:32 +0000 2014 | RT @Shoutin_Bibbles: <raids all your tiny kingdoms> |
| Sat Aug 16 00:11:30 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: The best part of walking on eggshells is having a noise to associate with the slow crushing of your soul. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:11:27 +0000 2014 | RT @fefespeaks: If you hug someone for longer than 3 seconds or with a chicken finger in your hand, you have to write it in your diary. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:11:02 +0000 2014 | RT @KristinDeirdreM: Instead of LOL, consider: ChI, chortled like an idiot WAH, wheezy asthmatic hahas SLAP, snorted like a pig CHAG, clasp… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:11:00 +0000 2014 | RT @cassekins: Just wait 'till my nails are dry. You're so fucked |
| Sat Aug 16 00:10:54 +0000 2014 | RT @junejuly12: Twitter is an app on our phones. Friendships can be real Drama shouldn't be |
| Sat Aug 16 00:10:48 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: No one follows similar accounts to their own, Twitter. What criteria do you even base it on? Similarly abnormal and deficie… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:10:46 +0000 2014 | RT @thatcarlygirl: I always start the week strong, asleep by 11pm. By the end of the week my brain's all like, "Hey. Psst. It's 3am. Let's … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:10:41 +0000 2014 | RT @nezror: Accidental star while scrolling no worries I took it back |
| Sat Aug 16 00:10:38 +0000 2014 | RT @nezror: the people hear Twitter on the radio and think "I should do that" and they have no idea |
| Sat Aug 16 00:10:16 +0000 2014 | RT @InnocentMarina6: Sex tape so good you hire a live audience to do the slow clap during the climax. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:10:11 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Suggestion for makers of cat food: specify somewhere on the packaging that it's food FOR cats. Alternative suggestion: nee… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:10:05 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: If you find you are all out of elbow grease, you can always substitute belly button butter. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:10:01 +0000 2014 | RT @DamonHunzeker: The most successful exorcisms involve, either figuratively or literally, two hairs from the head of Sammy Hagar. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:09:55 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: I'm sorry that I sometimes say unladylike things on Twitter. If it makes you feel any better, I always LOOK like a lady wh… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:09:43 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I'm not "taking forever to get out of bed," you've just failed to appreciate the exquisite slowness of my morning Butoh per… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:09:39 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: Social interaction status report: I woke up the cat to sing "Time After Time" to him. He walked away after the first ve… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:09:34 +0000 2014 | RT @Maxine12333: Difference between Cynic/Realist: A cynic says "no one can ever love me enough" realist says "not with that attitude" |
| Sat Aug 16 00:09:27 +0000 2014 | RT @QwertyJones3: My 80 year-old grandma can't eat meat, but she still works at the library. She's a *puts on sunglasses* vegetarian octo… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:09:13 +0000 2014 | RT @HiHighHigher: Clamchop>Teabag |
| Sat Aug 16 00:09:06 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Have you ever committed a Twitter faux-pas so embarrassing that your hands get clammy & your face flushes strawberry? … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:09:01 +0000 2014 | RT @TheIronSherk: [brings date home] Wanna see my record collection? *opens door to reveal the worlds tallest man and worlds hairiest teena… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:08:46 +0000 2014 | RT @SSparklesDaily: When you reflect empathy back at the face of cruelty it changes nothing within them. But it stops them from changing a… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:08:42 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe, Pyongyang. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:08:41 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: “What? It’s the only black in my closet,” I say, waddling to the podium in my scuba gear to deliver the eulogy. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:08:36 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: A Queen Elizabeth II sex tape called "Gentlemen Prefer [barf sound]." Just kidding, Your Majesty. You're hot. *pukes* |
| Sat Aug 16 00:08:33 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: They say love is a drug, then fail to adequately inform you of all the adverse side-effects, and nature is never held remo… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:08:29 +0000 2014 | RT @KristinDeirdreM: Saw a teary teen goth couple breaking up across the park and gave it the Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:08:20 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: Plot twist: a new bylaw requires your prepurchased burial patch to be redrawn ninety degrees |
| Sat Aug 16 00:08:17 +0000 2014 | RT @Nahdude83: "Just the teepee." -Native Sext |
| Sat Aug 16 00:08:06 +0000 2014 | RT @haleysfalling: do i want to take a trip to pound town? um hold on let me ask my mom *pauses* she wants to talk to your mom just to make… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:07:52 +0000 2014 | RT @DamonHunzeker: Sir, I challenge you to an epic duel on a battlefield of lily pads. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:07:48 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: @DamonHunzeker "I just had a nap." |
| Sat Aug 16 00:07:45 +0000 2014 | RT @DamonHunzeker: Nobody cares that you need a nap. Go to sleep. Come back when you have something better to say than, "I need a nap." |
| Sat Aug 16 00:07:40 +0000 2014 | RT @TySmithdrums: I'm not supposed to wave everytime I make a turn and face my neighbor Kevin when we mow our lawns at the same time anymor… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:07:36 +0000 2014 | RT @VicProbably: Bill is the stupidest name for a vampire |
| Sat Aug 16 00:07:34 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: A fantasy was sparked by your words, your intrigue was compelling, and pulled me, although that was nothing you intende… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:07:31 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: You weird mother fuckers, mesmerising me, entrancing me with your crazy vernacular and moody mythology. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:07:27 +0000 2014 | RT @GianDoh: I sell organic hydroponic catnip in dime bags to spinsters behind the Whole Foods dumpster. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:07:24 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: The best part about tweeting is all the seriousness of my reality being buried, even if it is just for a second or two. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:07:11 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Another day, another pair of underpants discreetly dropped in the 7th floor bathroom garbage before 9am. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:07:06 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Oh you know, staying busy, writing a lot... yeah, it's like experimental metafiction, epistolary form... ok, technically it… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:06:58 +0000 2014 | RT @curlymalloy: Better out than in!!! ~ curly malloy |
| Sat Aug 16 00:06:52 +0000 2014 | RT @bitterlittleman: "Modern vernacular" of course meaning "the stupid bullshit people are saying these days." |
| Sat Aug 16 00:06:34 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: My performance art is joining a men's drumming circle and asking for a tampon. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:06:25 +0000 2014 | RT @wishyouwerecaro: Overthrow me like a feudal tyrant. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:06:19 +0000 2014 | RT @juneohara65: I just realized: My cat is using behavioral techniques I learned in college in order to train me. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:06:09 +0000 2014 | RT @HarryRamble: I wasn't what you'd call a civil-rights radical in the 60s, but I did once chat with an under-privileged guy from an off-c… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:05:31 +0000 2014 | RT @archetypecast: think of the abyss as an existential wishing well |
| Sat Aug 16 00:05:29 +0000 2014 | RT @LizzieEMB: Women: shaved, moisturised, make up, hair, perfume, outfit, shoes, bag = ✔️ Man: will I get arrested? No. = ✔️ |
| Sat Aug 16 00:05:22 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: You said, "Sorry, I was just telling the truth." Did you mean, "Sorry, I was just being judgmental and rude?" Either way, … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:04:50 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: "Don't worry," I say, reassuringly, "everything happens for a conspiratorial reason and you'll never be privy to the facts … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:04:40 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Hot Star Trek mom wants to grind against Jean-Luc's bald head until her warp core melts down. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:04:30 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: Sex so bad the Peeping Tom looks away. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:04:23 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: There is no such thing as strangers. They are just friends at urinals you’ve yet to meet. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:04:19 +0000 2014 | RT @Maxine12333: Don't watch TV at 3 AM. Now have enough cleaning products for life, belong to 4 different churches and awaiting delivery … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:04:15 +0000 2014 | RT @bklynmike3: Our surprising story starts, not surprisingly, on the internet. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:04:02 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: Wondering if I softly bark and move my legs when I sleep, like a dog dreaming of running and running. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:04:00 +0000 2014 | RT @ScorpionDong: He doesn't have a racist bone in his body. Well, except his femur. Racist as fuck! |
| Sat Aug 16 00:03:53 +0000 2014 | RT @Shoutin_Bibbles: My dad could take apart and rebuild a transmission by himself in the space of a weekend. I figured out a way to pass R… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:03:42 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: i am whole i am good i am strong. we are fighters. we are warriors. the power is the sun. the power is love. the power i… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:03:37 +0000 2014 | RT @DanDanMcG: Being bullied as a kid, I'd go to a certain solitary tree & climb it up to where it sways. Lock my arms & legs in & just smi… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:03:34 +0000 2014 | RT @HiHighHigher: Whatever you do don't hug me, I'll start blubbering again and get snot on your shoulder. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:03:31 +0000 2014 | RT @Vrdxgreen: How to be successful. Focus on your own shit. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:03:25 +0000 2014 | RT @OutOfLeftField_: Now this 4 year old is on the phone. So far, I can gather that tea is at 2 and if anyone's late.. No cake. She means b… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:03:18 +0000 2014 | RT @Cassfullofjoy: Yesterday day was bad. But, today I come back swingin |
| Sat Aug 16 00:03:09 +0000 2014 | RT @KristinDeirdreM: Huh. I shouted into the void this morning and it told me to am-scray. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:03:05 +0000 2014 | RT @fefespeaks: I sleep with one eye open because my left boob likes to sway a bit. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:03:02 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: "I know I need a shave, but these earthenwares aren't going to fire themselves." - Hairy Potter (6th worst tweet of … |
| Sat Aug 16 00:02:59 +0000 2014 | RT @GianDoh: I wanna know what loathe is. I want you to shove me. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:02:56 +0000 2014 | RT @Rick_IZ: an episode of Naked & Afraid but just me surviving for a weekend in a supermarket wearing a robe |
| Sat Aug 16 00:02:30 +0000 2014 | RT @UnhingedBlah: Finally speaks *do you need a mood lifting spanking?* |
| Sat Aug 16 00:02:24 +0000 2014 | RT @GianDoh: Please don't misinterpret the notches in my bedpost. I just enjoy good ol' fashioned nocturnal whittling. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:02:08 +0000 2014 | RT @MaryBrennan19: Sometimes, you just have to look the other way and let the minions run amok. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:01:58 +0000 2014 | RT @UnhingedBlah: *derails often* |
| Sat Aug 16 00:01:45 +0000 2014 | RT @OutOfLeftField_: That 4 yr old walked right around me, looking at my head. "Where's your hair?" she said so I told her I lost it in a f… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:01:35 +0000 2014 | RT @blasphe_me: *leans slowly around the corner* pretty cool that 4,000 of you guys hang out with me here on twitter dot com thanks. ily je… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:00:59 +0000 2014 | RT @bhawkesRN: Ever notice how sometimes you meet someone nice, average looking and time goes by and now they're beautiful |
| Sat Aug 16 00:00:48 +0000 2014 | RT @Asbo_Unicorn: Tightropes, Hot coals, eggshells, fine lines Things I can't walk on, I'm a stomper hehe |
| Sat Aug 16 00:00:42 +0000 2014 | RT @Glennmandirect: Saturn is a massive planet, yet its density would allow it to float in a suitably sized bathtub. Can you ask your mom i… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:00:37 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: Phase 1: Your smartphone has trained you to always keep it fed. Phase 2: You feel like you can't live without your smartp… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:00:34 +0000 2014 | RT @JohnBechard: What my tweets lack in quality, I make up in volume. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:00:31 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Demons from the time there was a little mustard on the mayonnaise knife at the deli counter but the guy used it on my sand… |
| Sat Aug 16 00:00:19 +0000 2014 | RT @NotintheMood: I want to win the lottery and buy a big old Victorian house to haunt when I die. |
| Sat Aug 16 00:00:12 +0000 2014 | RT @noneofyours99: *does 20 minutes of yard work* Earns 3 hours of twitter time |
| Sat Aug 16 00:00:01 +0000 2014 | RT @cassekins: I've always had a thing for chaos |
| Fri Aug 15 23:59:43 +0000 2014 | RT @Cassfullofjoy: Inner strength and confidence comes when you need it. Don't let anyone make you feel less than. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:59:37 +0000 2014 | RT @Robert_Beau: I put my shoes in the closet with the toes pointing out, they're happier if they think they're going somewhere soon. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:59:29 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: Too much wine makes you speak Portuguese. Well, it makes *me* speak Portuguese. Well, it makes me *think* I'm speaking… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:59:17 +0000 2014 | RT @LoverOfComics94: Tweeting is like being the world's worst reporter covering the world's dumbest subject for the world's craziest audien… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:59:14 +0000 2014 | RT @LoverOfComics94: The philosophy of living in the moment presupposes that the moment you're currently experiencing doesn't suck. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:58:57 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: I don't even care if that last tweet has been done a billion times before. I'm not looking it up and I'm not deleting it. … |
| Fri Aug 15 23:58:29 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: I like to respond to every story people tell me with, "Dude, that's nothin'." |
| Fri Aug 15 23:58:25 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: I'm just a Twitter hobo, traveling from one timeline to the next. I occasionally open my bindle, select a thought or two t… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:58:14 +0000 2014 | RT @_Anntics10: emotions are your heart's guests, it's up to you who you're going to entertain. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:57:52 +0000 2014 | RT @1Tortured_soul: Been missing all you misanthropic miscreants during my hiatus. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:57:50 +0000 2014 | RT @typ0negative: Surely someone has mentioned that frustrated schoolmarms are waiting for you to dip your quill into their smoldering ink … |
| Fri Aug 15 23:57:43 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: I like it when that little spring doohickie on the baseboard behind the door goes doingy-doingy-doingy. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:57:40 +0000 2014 | RT @RandomAntics: Rimbaud on the streets, Rambo in the sheets. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:57:37 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Yes, all babies have little toes. *eye roll* No, that's ok, I really don't need to see -- aww, wookit dat, doz are sum tin… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:57:35 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: Install a near opaque security tint on the windows to your soul. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:57:33 +0000 2014 | RT @AngelinaC72: Sitting in a restaurant. Jim Morrison channeling 'People are Strange' in my head. Looking around .. Yup :) |
| Fri Aug 15 23:57:30 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: You keep talking about your "soul" like it's something that actually exists. Yeah, but who says "windows to an emergent c… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:57:16 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: We're all blessed that the Earth is at the center of the universe, but America is especially blessed to be the center of t… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:59 +0000 2014 | RT @GrabTheWEness: So much therapy needed. So much twitter, instead. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:57 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: If I ask why you did something and you respond with an explanation of your emotions, you're really just saying, "because I … |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:48 +0000 2014 | RT @rmfnord: HR: What are your duties? HULK: HULK SMASH! HR: How would you rate your smashing? HULK: Could smash more. HR: Let's focus on t… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:45 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: "I hear the secrets that you keep when you're talking in your sleep," he sang, but she had a sneaking suspicion she left he… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:36 +0000 2014 | RT @erickomans: The closer you get to 55, the more attractive I am, according to some spreadsheet I used to keep. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:33 +0000 2014 | RT @brocketxyz: 'These tweets are writing themselves,' my account posts defiantly after destroying my job and marriage. It achieved sentie… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:29 +0000 2014 | RT @hazelmotes1: When 1984 becomes true it's going to be boring for Big Brother to watch us just eat corn syrup all day while we look at re… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:22 +0000 2014 | RT @Bandersnaaatch: all hopped up on hope |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:19 +0000 2014 | RT @litfirebird: I confuse my guardian angel by reading explicit directions immediately after trying anything new. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:11 +0000 2014 | RT @GianDoh: Bromine is the douchiest of the chemical elements. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:08 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: You only have one childhood, son. Remember every moment. Your damaging memories will fuel the neurosis that shall sust… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:56:03 +0000 2014 | RT @audipenny: I see you, girl in pajama pants at grocery store, and raise you I'm an actual pile of nightgowns with legs buying yogurt |
| Fri Aug 15 23:55:58 +0000 2014 | RT @ScorpionDong: "Dude! What the fuck? No kissing!" - all of my MMA opponents |
| Fri Aug 15 23:55:54 +0000 2014 | RT @mattchew81: It's a sad world we live in when people enjoy being cruel to other people while they are suffering |
| Fri Aug 15 23:55:51 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: When the mental monsters get too close, I smash them in their stupid monster faces with inane jokes and ridiculosity. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:55:42 +0000 2014 | RT @MomoVonTrite: if you're my workout partner and in love I will secretly punish you by miscounting your reps. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:55:38 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: So disappointing when someone you like starts tweeting hateful things. There's always a moment of sad disbelief before I cl… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:55:35 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: Maybe if we weren't so prone to exaggeration and figurative speaking, we'd never need to "literally" qualify when we're te… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:55:33 +0000 2014 | RT @kv8: Ppl that don't give Cats full body acupressure reiki massages & serve them fresh raw salmon, roasted chicken & oat grass daily are… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:55:29 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: He took me out for ice cream and then left. I was desserted. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:55:27 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: If I catch a guy staring at me, I know from experience that he only wants one thing; so I open my purse and toss a kitty tr… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:55:04 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: My cologne, "Dad", is redolent of confusing gender roles, being "fun", & an alienating demotion at home coupled with c… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:54:58 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: My perfume, "Mom", is redolent of a lost sense of self, constant touch by tiny sticky hands, bodily effluvia, & guilty… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:54:54 +0000 2014 | RT @kwirkyKerri: If I have to google stuff you say and still can't figure it out, I'm just going to assume you're making shit up |
| Fri Aug 15 23:54:44 +0000 2014 | RT @RandomAntics: Porn would be way less embarrassing than the 'piglet galoshes' and 'average seahorse lifespan' medley my browser history … |
| Fri Aug 15 23:54:40 +0000 2014 | RT @Bandersnaaatch: An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Police? Tomato. Clowns? Mangosteen. Lawyers? Kumquat. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:54:38 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: It's okay if you're not "the one" for him. Perhaps you can be "the one who got away" or "the one who lit his car on fire". |
| Fri Aug 15 23:54:26 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: Cleared out my DMs. It repopulated with old msgs. It was like I had a good therapy session & then found my mom sitting in m… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:54:20 +0000 2014 | RT @TravLeBlanc: "My ex was CRAZY!" -Sociopaths. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:54:13 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: I fact-check and proofread before I tweet because you guys are worth it. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:54:08 +0000 2014 | RT @Super_Cynthia: I say "I needed the cash" much more than any non-criminal should. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:54:02 +0000 2014 | RT @RandomAntics: Best practice: when snuggling sweetly with your lover, just as he drifts to sleep, lean in close and softly whisper "chao… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:53:47 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: I think with those talking speaker boxes that spew ads at me while I fill up my gas tank, the time for a baseball bat in the … |
| Fri Aug 15 23:53:42 +0000 2014 | RT @kwirkyKerri: I get that you're pissed off about this, but give it a rest. Tweet about sex like the rest of us. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:53:37 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: I prepare for the worst by doing my best to ignore it. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:53:35 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: That moment two big accounts are banging your TL simultaneously and the years of struggle are all worth it. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:53:32 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: I don't need a voodoo doll, dude. You sleep next to me ... helpless and unaware. Now where are my pins? |
| Fri Aug 15 23:53:29 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: There are no bad Scrabble letters, only bad Scrabble players. Yup, still nerdy. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:53:27 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: "I want you have everything I never had," I say, admiring the tiny débutante gown. "Lovely! You'll be the prettiest kitty a… |
| Fri Aug 15 23:53:15 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: OMG! I just put booze* in my coffee** and it is OFF THE HOOK***. *spinach **egg whites ***nutritionally sound |
| Fri Aug 15 23:53:01 +0000 2014 | RT @stenokel: So I was just watching "Sesame Street," and it turns out only girls have a taint. Guys have a grundle. |
| Fri Aug 15 23:52:56 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Me: You're kidnapping me? Where're we going? Can we feed my cats first? Is there a ransom? Cool van. My name- Him: Changed … |
| Fri Aug 15 21:19:31 +0000 2014 | RT @CO_contraband: Baby, you excite me! Oh, wait. That's just the ADHD talking. Sorry. |
| Fri Aug 15 21:14:35 +0000 2014 | RT @SomerM: I slide my skirt down. You try to speak but I shush you. I ball up my skirt and throw it at the cat hoarfing a hairball on the … |
| Fri Aug 15 21:12:35 +0000 2014 | RT @monsterkabouter: My family never really told me they stopped loving me. I just came home and saw the empty pizza boxes |
| Fri Aug 15 21:12:17 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: Just wondering when modern medicine is going to advance to the point where we no longer need to put tennis balls on walkers. |
| Fri Aug 15 21:12:13 +0000 2014 | RT @Starlight2112: It's all about finding the patterns within the chaos. |
| Fri Aug 15 21:12:07 +0000 2014 | RT @pardonpearl: Trying to maintain creativity and sense of humor while still keeping things normal enough that someone will hire me. It's … |
| Fri Aug 15 21:11:34 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I feel entitled to offer parenting advice to anyone after raising (on my own) two confident, self-actualized and very indep… |
| Fri Aug 15 21:11:24 +0000 2014 | RT @LittleLostPixie: Something about us all being 21st century CB users, all fighting to be the best Bandit against the Smokies. |
| Fri Aug 15 21:10:53 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: When the people you need know you need them without you saying anything, it really says something. |
| Fri Aug 15 21:10:45 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: I want to be as happy as a little bird that finds a piece of popcorn in the target parking lot. |
| Fri Aug 15 20:40:48 +0000 2014 | "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid," says the tweet reader after running out of stars. |
| Fri Aug 15 18:33:42 +0000 2014 | My belt makes my blue suede shoes look ridiculous. |
| Sat Aug 02 04:49:21 +0000 2014 | RT @sheepandrobots: If we really landed on the goddamn moon, you'd think the creative types would snap out of lemming mode. And who the fuc… |
| Sat Aug 02 00:57:34 +0000 2014 | RT @_raphus: http://t.co/KAQU2bdsIt IF TRUTH BE TOLD Blog.......*poem* |
| Sat Aug 02 00:56:57 +0000 2014 | RT @bklynmike3: Friday Night Laundry is my jam. |
| Sat Aug 02 00:46:37 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: Irrefutable proof? http://t.co/Y52yhb5Bf9 Is it me or is there something subliminal written on the flag? Perhaps a clue? |
| Fri Aug 01 21:43:18 +0000 2014 | RT @DamonHunzeker: I keep reading stuff about the moon-landing anniversary. Are you guys talking about ours or the forest moon of Endor? |
| Fri Aug 01 21:43:16 +0000 2014 | RT @DamonHunzeker: Finally, a joke format about which I give a shit. |
| Fri Aug 01 21:43:14 +0000 2014 | RT @DamonHunzeker: The moon landing was obviously fake. I can see it right now -- it hasn't landed anywhere. |
| Fri Aug 01 17:06:18 +0000 2014 | RT @rickloganhaha: The reason I'm on twitter is SQUIRREL! |
| Fri Aug 01 17:06:16 +0000 2014 | RT @Virginialynn_: The reason I'm on twitter is to be involved in politics So one day I won't have to be involved in politics |
| Fri Aug 01 17:06:09 +0000 2014 | RT @itsjenwbitches: The reason I'm on Twitter is I like to be trolled and my personal info posted by people who half one quarter of my moti… |
| Fri Aug 01 17:06:06 +0000 2014 | RT @dushyanthechamp: The reason I'm on Twitter? Hold on....wait I think its around here somewhere......;) |
| Fri Aug 01 17:06:03 +0000 2014 | RT @Lilbyrdy: The reason I'm on Twitter is fuck if I know. |
| Fri Aug 01 17:05:53 +0000 2014 | RT @NdeecaR: "@Robohobot: The reason I'm on twitter is because Facebook doesn't think I'm funny." |
| Fri Aug 01 17:05:48 +0000 2014 | RT @DustyShowbiz: The reason I'm on twitter is because you pack of mixed nuts make me look normal |
| Fri Aug 01 17:05:45 +0000 2014 | RT @BCtrey35: The followers that are tweeting at this hour are my favorite followers. Y'all literally are the reason I'm on twitter lmao. |
| Fri Aug 01 17:05:37 +0000 2014 | RT @iffat_s97: "@URcrazytweeple: The reason I'm on twitter is because all my friends & family are on Facebook" |
| Fri Aug 01 17:05:26 +0000 2014 | RT @addepalli: Looks like there was a "the reason I'm on Twitter" wave recently... and my 3y old tweet had that phrase! Interesting :) |
| Fri Aug 01 17:05:15 +0000 2014 | RT @peckishly: The reason I'm on twitter is that I was drawn in by the 3-year free subscription. |
| Fri Aug 01 17:05:13 +0000 2014 | RT @augtopia: I don't actually know the reason I'm on twitter. We did take a vote and most of my personalities agree we're staying, though. |
| Fri Aug 01 17:05:09 +0000 2014 | RT @jamesround1: @larryelfin @protolalia the reason I'm on twitter is because I'm sick of seeing family/friends pretending they are so happ… |
| Fri Aug 01 17:05:00 +0000 2014 | RT @VB_P: The reason I'm on twitter is because of what I am slowly learning to forget. |
| Fri Aug 01 17:04:56 +0000 2014 | RT @DetNigga: The reason I'm on twitter.... http://t.co/JeRs0k76gt |
| Fri Aug 01 17:04:49 +0000 2014 | RT @hunyock: The reason I'm on Twitter is because I'm hiding out in the bathroom from the deranged zoo that lives in my house. |
| Fri Aug 01 17:04:43 +0000 2014 | RT @JcqWnd: The reason I'm on Twitter is because nobody cares what I write |
| Fri Aug 01 17:04:29 +0000 2014 | RT @don_vandenberg: If we really landed on the moon then why doesn't my ass have all those craters and glow in the dark? ... wait ... it do… |
| Fri Aug 01 17:04:13 +0000 2014 | RT @prayalie: If we really landed on the moon than why didn't we litter it with flags and rovers and crap? Wait. I'm being told we did. Nev… |
| Fri Aug 01 17:04:09 +0000 2014 | RT @Dumbassador: If we really landed on the moon, then collect $200. |
| Fri Aug 01 17:04:06 +0000 2014 | RT @MinouChatte: If we really landed on the moon then why am I not in Starfleet already? |
| Fri Aug 01 17:04:03 +0000 2014 | RT @Bananamaste: If we really landed on the moon, then why is Google Translate giving me attitude? |
| Fri Aug 01 17:04:01 +0000 2014 | RT @blurryfoto: If we really landed on the moon, how come none of the astronauts didn't pull a mooner on the moon? |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:58 +0000 2014 | RT @therepoguy: If we really landed on the moon then I cancel my subscription to Highlights magazine |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:56 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: If we really landed on the moon, then what about Bob? |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:52 +0000 2014 | RT @don_vandenberg: If we really "landed on the moon" then why does my butthole not feel violated? |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:50 +0000 2014 | RT @hunyock: If we really landed on the moon why do I keep forgetting to shut the darned "barn door"... |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:47 +0000 2014 | RT @brokefloormat: If we really landed on the moon, then the ice cream man brought lots of pudding pops. |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:44 +0000 2014 | RT @therepoguy: If we really landed on the moon then Jake from State Farm is wearing Z. Cavaricci's |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:39 +0000 2014 | RT @waitingforjedot: I’m not a rock star from Mars, but I have been banned from there.. For teaching Rover to roll over. |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:36 +0000 2014 | RT @Robohobot: On the bright side, you no longer hafta worry about your balloon popping. |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:34 +0000 2014 | RT @TheShooter776: @gotMeh if we really landed on the moon did the chicken want to cross the road |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:31 +0000 2014 | RT @weirdsavant: If we really landed on the moon, why is cheese still expensive? |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:22 +0000 2014 | RT @sun_sand_ocean: if we really landed on the moon why don't I smell the cheese? |
| Fri Aug 01 17:03:18 +0000 2014 | RT @sun_sand_ocean: if we really landed on the moon then where are the zero-grav cocktails? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:51:31 +0000 2014 | RT @TheBookofTweet: If we really landed on the moon, then that explains the missing cow vagina tweets. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:48:38 +0000 2014 | RT @TheMissingJEAN: #thinkaboutit if we really landed on the moon how come we never went back or any country for that matter. Y Because it … |
| Fri Aug 01 02:48:34 +0000 2014 | RT @jacobcritcher: I want to be president just to know 3 things: 1) if we really landed on the moon 2) what area 51 is 3) what was in the … |
| Fri Aug 01 02:48:28 +0000 2014 | RT @terrordrome: Apparently along with NOT talking about politics & religion in the work place, talking about if we really landed on the mo… |
| Fri Aug 01 02:48:13 +0000 2014 | RT @kylymi2: Heard 2 people passionately arguing if we really landed on the moon and I remembered how I've never given a fuck if we landed … |
| Fri Aug 01 02:48:06 +0000 2014 | RT @rytbone: What made you think it was a good idea to ask our astronomy professor if we really landed on the moon? Yeah, it wasn't. 😂 |
| Fri Aug 01 02:48:01 +0000 2014 | RT @DenifLewesa: It's things like this that make me wonder if we really landed on the moon. @NASA #meteorshower |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:55 +0000 2014 | RT @Diaperogative: If we really landed on the moon, then why’d the guy at Burger King mess up my order? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:53 +0000 2014 | RT @Finding_MeMo2: This makes me wonder if we really landed on the moon.. #conspiracytheorymaybe http://t.co/zAlRdUu9hX. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:48 +0000 2014 | RT @PopularityStars: If we really landed on the moon, then why's the band not called Sha Pa Pa. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:46 +0000 2014 | RT @tortillareform: If we really landed on the moon, then why don't my pants fit anymore? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:44 +0000 2014 | RT @SafetyNap: If we really landed on the moon, then why's your Easter basket wet? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:42 +0000 2014 | RT @GrabTheWEness: If we really landed on the moon, then how did I miss a joke format? Isn't that what NASA is supposed to prevent?! |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:40 +0000 2014 | RT @gotMeh: If we really landed on the moon, then why did the cat crap on the rug? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:36 +0000 2014 | RT @MinervasDiner: If we really landed on the moon, then why do hibernating bears get drunk before they Skype? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:35 +0000 2014 | RT @Cameltoga: If we really landed on the moon, then why do soap operas always make me feel so gosh darn dirty? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:28 +0000 2014 | RT @Yeezeus: If we really landed on the moon, then does that mean it's okay to eat the big figs once it gets real late on date night? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:24 +0000 2014 | RT @inlinebehindDio: If we really landed on the moon, then why does 3.14 taste better a la mode? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:22 +0000 2014 | RT @forfeitsdeposit: If we really landed on the moon, then your mom says hi. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:20 +0000 2014 | RT @Ticklemeelzebub: If we really landed on the moon, then do you know where I might be able to go get a Sharknado burrito? Preferably serv… |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:17 +0000 2014 | RT @dirtyrhymes: If we really landed on the moon, then I guess you don't need your napkin. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:15 +0000 2014 | RT @tantricHAMtrick: If we really landed on the moon, then why can't these format tweets be stopped? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:12 +0000 2014 | RT @BingMinus: If we really landed on the moon, then what did I do with my car keys? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:11 +0000 2014 | RT @potatobugsplit: If we really landed on the moon, then how long before you notice my new haircut? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:08 +0000 2014 | RT @Jay16282: If we really landed on the moon how come we can't invent an automatic toilet that doesn't flush 5 times before you're done? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:47:00 +0000 2014 | RT @onedogsopinion: If we really landed on the moon, then explain LinkedIn. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:57 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: If we really landed on the moon, then Andy Kaufman owes me $25 bucks and a fancy dinner. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:55 +0000 2014 | RT @tweetspraylove: If we really landed on the moon, then what extension are you at? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:52 +0000 2014 | RT @sexgodsuperhero: If we really landed on the moon, then what's with all the eggplant in the living room? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:49 +0000 2014 | RT @Nerducken: If we really landed on the moon, then what's so funny about peace, love and understanding? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:48 +0000 2014 | RT @thegameneedsme: If we really landed on the moon, then I'm gonna hafta rename my blog. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:45 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: If we really landed on the moon, then Jackie Gleason's spousal abuse was a lot more serious than any of us could've imagine… |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:43 +0000 2014 | RT @onedogsopinion: If we really landed on the moon, how come Sue from Facebook keeps sending me friend requests? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:37 +0000 2014 | RT @onedogsopinion: If we really landed on the moon, then why do Poodles have those ridiculous haircuts? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:36 +0000 2014 | RT @JosephRemiB: If we really landed on the moon, then @TheRealBuzz is gonna punch you in your STUPID FACE. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:32 +0000 2014 | RT @mass_hex_appeal: “@Diaperogative: If we really landed on the moon, then why’d the guy at Burger King mess up my order?” Because d avera… |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:29 +0000 2014 | RT @weirdsavant: If we really landed on the moon why am I still getting Farmville invites? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:28 +0000 2014 | RT @aimoliveri: If we really landed on the moon, why is this guy next to me in the movie theater taking up the whole arm rest |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:20 +0000 2014 | RT @Jensemiir: If we really landed on the moon, why do people still answer to sarcastic, rhetorical questions? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:18 +0000 2014 | RT @JedsFans: If we really landed on the moon, then why's my phone still a banana? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:16 +0000 2014 | RT @flanoor: @onedogsopinion @protolalia if we really landed on the moon, why didn't we get t-shirts? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:13 +0000 2014 | RT @TNWmusicFans: If we really landed on the moon, then Dude, where's my cartwheel? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:09 +0000 2014 | RT @brokefloormat: If we really landed on the moon, then why doesn't Sally sell her seashells inland where she could charge a whole lot mor… |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:07 +0000 2014 | RT @Koalaifyahearme: If we really landed on the moon, then why aren't you answering any of my texts? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:03 +0000 2014 | RT @TheBookofTweet: If we really landed on the moon, then what did I see just up jump the boogie? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:46:01 +0000 2014 | RT @Midwipe: If we really landed on the moon, then why does Hank insist that I still call him Bocephus? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:58 +0000 2014 | RT @Bananamaste: If we really landed on the moon, then are you sure it was angel and not Dr. Drew who inappropriately touched you? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:57 +0000 2014 | RT @BathtubAnarchy: If we really landed on the moon, then why was everybody tofu fighting? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:54 +0000 2014 | RT @Robohobot: If we really landed on the moon, then if your belly button's an innie, should I assume you drive an Audi? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:52 +0000 2014 | RT @freaksong: If we really landed on the moon, then does that mean I'm adopted? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:50 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: If we really landed on the moon, then why does this tweet make my butt look fat? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:46 +0000 2014 | RT @waitingforjedot: If we really landed on the moon, then is Carrot Top some kind of Frankenfood? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:44 +0000 2014 | RT @sexoutthecity: If we really landed on the moon, then how am I supposed to tell which one's the fun banana in the bunch? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:42 +0000 2014 | RT @Wonderwaltz: If we really landed on the moon, then do you sit and spin, or am I supposed to turn my thumb? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:39 +0000 2014 | RT @Dumbassador: If we really landed on the moon, then why can't you change your own diaper? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:38 +0000 2014 | RT @Diaperogative: If we really landed on the moon, then why does everybody say they want to shave my balls? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:33 +0000 2014 | RT @PopularityStars: If we really landed on the moon, then why'd you hafta go and piss off Buzz? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:31 +0000 2014 | RT @SafetyNap: If we really landed on the moon, then that would explain why there's cow poop on your flag. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:27 +0000 2014 | RT @MinervasDiner: If we really landed on the moon, then you can probably guess how I pet your mother. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:25 +0000 2014 | RT @Cameltoga: If we really landed on the moon, then will that be debit or credit? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:23 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: If we really landed on the moon, why are there no real-life floating space cats? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:21 +0000 2014 | RT @inlinebehindDio: If we really landed on the moon, then I'll keep bowling with you if you have them put back up the bumpers. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:19 +0000 2014 | RT @potatobugsplit: If we really landed on the moon, then how do you explain roller derby? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:16 +0000 2014 | RT @forfeitsdeposit: If we really landed on the moon, then why am I so itchy? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:13 +0000 2014 | RT @Yeezeus: If we really landed on the moon, then that would explain why we've never been back since. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:10 +0000 2014 | RT @thegameneedsme: If we really landed on the moon, then why'd you buy 1-ply? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:08 +0000 2014 | RT @BathtubAnarchy: If we really landed on the moon, then I pity the fool playing billiards in the pool. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:04 +0000 2014 | RT @BingMinus: If we really landed on the moon, then that means Chevy Chase might be Jim Morrison. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:45:00 +0000 2014 | RT @Koalaifyahearme: If we really landed on the moon, then the lazy apron and the crazy apron are basically the insane same. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:44:56 +0000 2014 | RT @dirtyrhymes: If we really landed on the moon, then fuck it, send! |
| Fri Aug 01 02:44:54 +0000 2014 | RT @TNWmusicFans: If we really landed on the moon, then this will be the last if we really landed on the moon tweet that you read tonight. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:44:52 +0000 2014 | RT @JedsFans: If we really landed on the moon, then why won't you pull my finger? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:44:48 +0000 2014 | RT @Nerducken: If we really landed on the moon, then you're right about why my mismatched socks all left. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:44:46 +0000 2014 | RT @sexgodsuperhero: If we really landed on the moon, then why recycle wrestle when you can litter box? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:44:44 +0000 2014 | RT @tantricHAMtrick: If we really landed on the moon, then you probably still shouldn't wear horizontal stripes. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:44:42 +0000 2014 | RT @4030lisa: If we really landed on the moon... Why can't the average man figure out how to work a washer/dryer? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:44:40 +0000 2014 | RT @KireiOni: "If we really landed on the moon..." Are you fuckers really serious?? |
| Fri Aug 01 02:44:37 +0000 2014 | RT @tweetspraylove: If we really landed on the moon, then please don't pet the javelinas. |
| Fri Aug 01 02:44:35 +0000 2014 | RT @larryelfin: If we really landed on the moon, then what the hell am I doing writing love poems? Your dirty feet have ruined it all, Neil… |
| Fri Aug 01 01:17:38 +0000 2014 | If we really landed on the moon, then Gravity is still a super stupid movie. |
| Fri Aug 01 00:20:26 +0000 2014 | If we really landed on the moon, then why's the pitcher in the pumpernickel? typo: catcher typo: sourdough |
| Thu Jul 31 04:35:40 +0000 2014 | RT @potatobugsplit: The reason I'm on twitter is because of what I am slowly learning to forget. |
| Thu Jul 31 03:57:17 +0000 2014 | RT @ChristinaHolz: You think you've been robbed? Here's What Happens When Your Joke Goes Massively Viral On Twitter: http://t.co/pTryqWs8vm… |
| Thu Jul 31 03:52:46 +0000 2014 | RT @ChMHector24: The reason I'm on twitter is because todos están usando esta frase y #YOLO quiero ser popular |
| Thu Jul 31 03:52:36 +0000 2014 | RT @IamMichelleAnna: The reason I'm on twitter is my pussy is too sore to fuck any more. |
| Thu Jul 31 03:46:24 +0000 2014 | RT @ChristinaHolz: @grapesoduh The reason I'm on Twitter is there's no real reason why I'm on Twitter. |
| Thu Jul 31 03:44:02 +0000 2014 | That last tweet reads weird. |
| Thu Jul 31 03:43:30 +0000 2014 | The reason I'm on twitter is because I'm not on twitter. |
| Thu Jul 31 03:42:05 +0000 2014 | RT @weaselwhiskerz: The reason I'm on twitter is for the inspirational tweets. They're great, no really. Keep 'em coming. |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:59 +0000 2014 | RT @TweetTropiques: @Ticklemeelzebub @protolalia The reason I'm on Twitter is... Damn! Can't say it in 140 characters. So why am on it, aga… |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:57 +0000 2014 | RT @URcrazytweeple: The reason I'm on twitter is because all my friends & family are on Facebook |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:55 +0000 2014 | RT @don_vandenberg: The reason I'm on twitter is to find people who are just as fucked up as I am. |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:52 +0000 2014 | RT @larryelfin: The reason I'm on twitter is because I am always on the cutting edge of every new thing. Wait. Am I five hours behind on th… |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:48 +0000 2014 | RT @don_vandenberg: The reason I'm on twitter is for the spank bank material. Seriously. My phone is full of nudes. |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:43 +0000 2014 | RT @Mr_iSwag_: The reason I'm on Twitter is because... BRB kegels |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:41 +0000 2014 | RT @scrotificient: The reason I'm on Twitter is that I live behind a mask in RL and I need a place to be myself. |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:39 +0000 2014 | RT @don_vandenberg: The reason I'm on twitter is for the catfishing. |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:36 +0000 2014 | RT @JustmeMandi: The reason I'm on twitter is because im old & its time 4 jeopardy-i was reaching for the remote,& fell off off the couch! … |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:34 +0000 2014 | RT @don_vandenberg: The reason I'm on twitter is to get a break from getting all the pussy. |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:32 +0000 2014 | RT @peckishly: The reason I'm on twitter is that a consultant insisted it's where tech professionals network. Forty minutes later, I found … |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:28 +0000 2014 | RT @Mpumekhum: Haha and...how is that number coming along? RT"@Ticklemeelzebub: The reason I'm on twitter is because I was promised 72 virg… |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:19 +0000 2014 | RT @megsullivan1224: “@don_vandenberg: The reason I'm on twitter is to find people who are just as fucked up as I am.” & I've found many, g… |
| Thu Jul 31 03:41:16 +0000 2014 | RT @HestiaApollo: The reason I'm on Twitter is so I can unfollow people who use joke formats. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:53:44 +0000 2014 | RT @Mr_iSwag_: The reason I'm on twitter is because my cat needs to voice his opinion. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:53:36 +0000 2014 | RT @Mr_iSwag_: The reason I'm on twitter is because twitter is on me! |
| Thu Jul 31 00:50:01 +0000 2014 | RT @robininthegreen: The reason I'm on twitter is the boobs. Oh, and I like when people correct my grammar. But mostly boobs. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:49:52 +0000 2014 | RT @moutzie89: The reason I'm on Twitter is because every time i try to get out, it freaking flies me back in damn miserable little blue bi… |
| Thu Jul 31 00:42:17 +0000 2014 | RT @Mr_iSwag_: The reason I'm on twitter is because #JustinBieber follows me |
| Thu Jul 31 00:42:15 +0000 2014 | RT @Mr_iSwag_: The reason I'm on twitter is to find love. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:42:10 +0000 2014 | RT @darkshadow13: The reason I'm on twitter is because you can't discuss different uses for stretched out labia with your grandma. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:40:05 +0000 2014 | RT @NeilKellen: The reason I'm on twitter is for the clitori |
| Thu Jul 31 00:40:04 +0000 2014 | RT @Jedigrl99: The reason I'm on Twitter is because it's the only place that I can really be me. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:40:02 +0000 2014 | RT @FreakyFuckedUp: The reason I'm on twitter is I'm a pedophile in disguise |
| Thu Jul 31 00:40:00 +0000 2014 | RT @glittergirlD43: The reason I'm on Twitter is because you are. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:39:57 +0000 2014 | RT @NeilKellen: The reason I'm on twitter is so I have something to read while I poop. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:39:55 +0000 2014 | RT @chrismerrill: The reason I'm on twitter is I like the public best when I can't actually see it up in front of my face in person. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:39:53 +0000 2014 | RT @glittergirlD43: The reason I'm on Twitter is I was banned from Facebook. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:39:51 +0000 2014 | RT @nystyle14: The reason I'm on Twitter is my TC...Bitches Back Off 😉!!! |
| Thu Jul 31 00:39:46 +0000 2014 | RT @JulesC70: The reason I'm on Twitter is because I got sick of the whiny Facebook shit. Also, no one knows me in real life here, so I ca… |
| Thu Jul 31 00:39:41 +0000 2014 | RT @4030lisa: The reason I'm on Twitter... I'm not a Farcebook drone and truly appreciate the witty condensed 'tweet form' of wisdom, humor… |
| Thu Jul 31 00:39:40 +0000 2014 | RT @LemmingDad: The reason I'm on Twitter is because holy shit a silverfish just bit me in the neck. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:39:37 +0000 2014 | RT @awcwrd73: The reason I'm on Twitter is because Christian Mingle rejected my profile. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:08:24 +0000 2014 | RT @KatWar1: The reason I'm on twitter is because I am the control in a social experiment. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:08:22 +0000 2014 | RT @Mr_iSwag_: The reason I'm on twitter is because procrastination |
| Thu Jul 31 00:08:17 +0000 2014 | RT @DaniCayetano: The reason I'm on twitter is so people behind me on the bus don't see me hanging out with the fuckin losers on facebook |
| Thu Jul 31 00:08:14 +0000 2014 | RT @Jedi_Zain: The reason I'm on twitter is cx I was never really appreciated for my stalking skills before. |
| Thu Jul 31 00:08:12 +0000 2014 | RT @nojevolnam: The reason I'm on Twitter is really quite clear. I've been given the mission of learning how to be much more succinct. My… |
| Wed Jul 30 23:22:52 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Damn boy, are you a tampon? Cuz I can't wait to get you out of me & move on with my month. |
| Wed Jul 30 23:20:11 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Badass Level: Using #wcw to CELEBRATE DUDES. Don't try to stop me. I have a "women's" studies background & I'll go … |
| Wed Jul 30 23:20:01 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Guys, OMG, you are going to love this. It's chewy-delicious: Three (3) dude accounts blocked me after my tampon tweet… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:54:06 +0000 2014 | RT @Cameltoga: The reason I'm on twitter is because I can wear my snorkel without getting in the water. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:53:45 +0000 2014 | RT @Midwipe: The reason I'm on twitter is because Jeopardy won't take Bitcoin. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:53:28 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: 'We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are' ~ Anais Nin |
| Wed Jul 30 22:53:25 +0000 2014 | RT @2tickytacky: Twitter is a game of "Look at me." and "Look what I found." to which we hear "Why did you do that?" and "Put that back.". |
| Wed Jul 30 22:53:19 +0000 2014 | RT @nezror: Sorry I cut off the all sleeves to your winter coats I was in a weird mood |
| Wed Jul 30 22:53:14 +0000 2014 | RT @Christal_L: I love those condensing posts like "10 things Happy People Do Differently" assuming the reader isn't happy or those things … |
| Wed Jul 30 22:53:11 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Me: What are the chances that you and I would even find each other in the world, much less fall in love? Cat: mrow Me: I kn… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:52:58 +0000 2014 | RT @dirtyrhymes: The reason I'm on twitter is because I'm inspired by these somewhat psychedelic clown shoes you threw at me. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:52:30 +0000 2014 | RT @Robohobot: The reason I'm on twitter is because Facebook doesn't think I'm funny. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:52:19 +0000 2014 | RT @TICfanpage: The reason I'm on twitter is because I don't know any better. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:52:13 +0000 2014 | RT @Yeezeus: The reason I'm on twitter is because I ignored all the signs. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:55 +0000 2014 | RT @Yeezeus: The reason I'm on twitter is because of all the loud fucking roosters next door. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:52 +0000 2014 | RT @Bananamaste: The reason I'm on twitter is because I lost my pen. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:48 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: The reason I'm on twitter is because baby got put in a corner. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:47 +0000 2014 | RT @BathtubAnarchy: The reason I'm on twitter is because I'm on disability after having been crushed by my own student loan debt. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:40 +0000 2014 | RT @Cameltoga: The reason I'm on twitter is because I got super glue on my fingers, and then I touched it. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:37 +0000 2014 | RT @inlinebehindDio: The reason I'm on twitter is because I got in some stranger's van. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:34 +0000 2014 | RT @BeingSany: Don't know why but I want to hide away and perhaps that's the reason I'm on Twitter; a virtual world which makes me feel lik… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:32 +0000 2014 | RT @WiiLLUMs: Shoutout to the followers with a sense of humor. Y'all the reason I'm on twitter. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:28 +0000 2014 | RT @sorasimone_17: Fighting couples on Facebook? That's the reason I'm on twitter. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:25 +0000 2014 | RT @okcjohnson: This giraffe thing going around on Facebook is EXACTLY the reason I'm on Twitter 99% of the time. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:21 +0000 2014 | RT @profblmkelley: Half the reason I'm on twitter is to laugh... |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:20 +0000 2014 | RT @slackmistress: Sometimes I look at Twitter & wish I could invite you all over but then I remember the reason I'm on Twitter is 'cuz I'm… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:17 +0000 2014 | RT @addepalli: I completely disagree with some people I follow on Twitter. But I don't want to unfollow them - it will defeat the reason I'… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:14 +0000 2014 | RT @TheBookofTweet: The reason I'm on twitter is because I hit the wrong button. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:11 +0000 2014 | RT @PopularityStars: The reason I'm on twitter is because this joke format needs me. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:09 +0000 2014 | RT @Dumbassador: The reason I'm on twitter is because it's the dog's turn to mow the lawn. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:07 +0000 2014 | RT @Stryfe74: The reason I'm on Twitter? Hold on....wait I think its around here somewhere...... |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:05 +0000 2014 | RT @JedsFans: The reason I'm on twitter is because you came home early. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:51:00 +0000 2014 | RT @forfeitsdeposit: The reason I'm on twitter is because I was already productive way back in January. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:56 +0000 2014 | RT @DangerBeTheName: The reason I'm on twitter heavy is because I deleted my Facebook. It was distracting. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:52 +0000 2014 | RT @NotScottEvans: The reason I’m on Twitter is that no one pokes me here. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:49 +0000 2014 | RT @marygkosta: The reason I'm on Twitter is to exchange ideas with, and learn from, people who share my concerns and interests. To build c… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:43 +0000 2014 | RT @ThomasChen3: The reason I'm on Twitter is so simple, course all my relatives are on Facebook now. http://t.co/SWdLbKt9QE |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:40 +0000 2014 | RT @ErrenMichaels: I hope you lot realise that the reason I'm on twitter is so that, wherever I am in the world, there'll be a sofa I can p… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:30 +0000 2014 | RT @_MidwesternSass: Hot guys are the reason I'm on Twitter. They make the world go round. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:26 +0000 2014 | RT @tyson_pace: I get distracted way to easy. Hence the reason I'm on twitter right now. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:24 +0000 2014 | RT @revious: People that say "I don't understand twitter" are the reason I'm on twitter. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:22 +0000 2014 | RT @adeline_neo: The reason I'm on Twitter is because my parents on Facebook. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:20 +0000 2014 | RT @JaMo177: The reason I'm on Twitter and not Facebook. http://t.co/wc9DnUwZ4Q |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:17 +0000 2014 | RT @loganakasad: the reason i'm on twitter all the time is cause irl friends treat me like fucking shit ya feel? |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:10 +0000 2014 | RT @EddieMoney176: Twitter always asks me "What's happening?" Nothing is happening. That's the reason I'm on twitter. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:09 +0000 2014 | RT @NewYorkTrill: Facebook is the reason I'm on Twitter. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:07 +0000 2014 | RT @Tonayy_D: The reason I'm on twitter so much is because I can never find anything to do🙈 |
| Wed Jul 30 22:50:04 +0000 2014 | RT @iproposethis: Twitter is the reason my book isn't done. Also, avoiding my book is the reason I'm on Twitter. So, you know, fuck it. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:57 +0000 2014 | RT @LeoLikeTheActor: Tbh The reason I'm on twitter is because my parents aren't |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:54 +0000 2014 | RT @NewYorkTrill: Facebook is the reason I'm on twitter |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:52 +0000 2014 | RT @MadlyBangali_: 99% of the people I know say Twitter is difficult & Facebook is better ! Yeah that's the reason I'm on Twitter. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:49 +0000 2014 | RT @itswhydoubleU: The reason I'm on twitter is because I see all of you talking about failing and it makes me feel like I'm a part of some… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:39 +0000 2014 | RT @Melz4Bieber: The reason i'm on Twitter, Waiting everyday to see this. http://t.co/HN3hRaxi |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:36 +0000 2014 | RT @HGhumor: Days like this is the reason I'm on twitter |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:33 +0000 2014 | RT @FunGeetu: The reason I'm on twitter is i'm socially awkward. So,could you not expect conversations here. Thank you. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:28 +0000 2014 | RT @naderdagher: The reason I'm on Twitter is because all the awesome people are here, and you can directly find them. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:22 +0000 2014 | RT @freaksong: The reason I'm on twitter is because it's like Disneyland for my thumb. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:18 +0000 2014 | RT @sexgodsuperhero: The reason I'm on twitter is because it was this or picking up trash along the side of the highway. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:16 +0000 2014 | RT @Ticklemeelzebub: The reason I'm on twitter is because I was promised 72 virgins. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:11 +0000 2014 | RT @gotMeh: The reason I'm on twitter is because of the rush I get being unfollowed by the Twitterspam Elite. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:08 +0000 2014 | RT @Nerducken: The reason I'm on twitter is because my ride left without me. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:03 +0000 2014 | RT @tortillareform: The reason I'm on twitter is because I like to @ reply to all your jokes. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:49:02 +0000 2014 | RT @Koalaifyahearme: The reason I'm on twitter is because I'm out of pancakes. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:59 +0000 2014 | RT @MinervasDiner: The reason I'm on twitter is because I'm a scrolling consultant. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:57 +0000 2014 | RT @waitingforjedot: The reason I'm on twitter is because your mom asked me to hold her place in line. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:54 +0000 2014 | RT @tantricHAMtrick: The reason I'm on twitter is because I've fallen and I can't get up. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:52 +0000 2014 | RT @tweetspraylove: The reason I'm on twitter is because my dad learned how to juggle when I was a baby by using 2 bananas and me. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:49 +0000 2014 | RT @Wonderwaltz: The reason I'm on twitter is because my rollerblades don't fit. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:47 +0000 2014 | RT @BingMinus: The reason I'm on twitter is because I'm a slow learner. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:44 +0000 2014 | RT @dirtyrhymes: The reason I'm on twitter is because I fell in a hole. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:43 +0000 2014 | RT @Diaperogative: The reason I'm on twitter is because the dingo ate my baby. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:39 +0000 2014 | RT @sexoutthecity: The reason I'm on twitter is because I'm learning how devolution works. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:36 +0000 2014 | RT @SafetyNap: The reason I'm on twitter is because my handbasket ticket was just one-way. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:34 +0000 2014 | RT @Robohobot: The reason I'm on twitter is because I'm learning tantric. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:30 +0000 2014 | RT @brokefloormat: The reason I'm on twitter is because the food baby of Sodom and Gomorrah has a Bingo avi fetish. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:28 +0000 2014 | RT @thegameneedsme: The reason I'm on twitter is because who else is gonna star your tweets.. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:23 +0000 2014 | RT @TNWmusicFans: The reason I'm on twitter is because how else am I gonna petition the Lord with prayer in crayon online? Don't answer t… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:15 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I can always count on my dad to ask every single waitress how they get the cows to squirt the milk inside those little dair… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:11 +0000 2014 | RT @TICfanpage: The reason I'm on twitter is because off twitter is haunted. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:06 +0000 2014 | RT @Robinbuble: "I don't have a TC" I whisper picking spaghettios out of his silver beard as he's slumped over a pile of 40oz bottles on th… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:48:03 +0000 2014 | RT @Super_Cynthia: Standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona trying to avoid eye contact with this guy who's selling oranges and tube socks. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:47:58 +0000 2014 | RT @WildeThingy: I'll be so mad if I find out there's only actually like 3 other people on Twitter and you're all just messin' with me. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:47:55 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: Their diagnosis will make you question everything you did. You won't be able to do anything about what you did though, so st… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:47:49 +0000 2014 | RT @Izianikapani: 'Organic' is such a disappointing word. It sounds all sex organy and orgasmic but it's just hemp shopping bags and wrinkl… |
| Wed Jul 30 22:47:45 +0000 2014 | RT @Bandersnaaatch: Contemplating the intricacies of life. Ho hum. |
| Wed Jul 30 22:47:30 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: *calculates how much of life was spent on punctuation* *calculates how much of life was spent calculating* |
| Wed Jul 30 22:47:28 +0000 2014 | RT @underalls: I'm selling these mystical charms to ward off energy vampires. They double as funnels for girls so they can pee while standi… |
| Wed Jul 30 21:16:58 +0000 2014 | RT @Midwipe: The reason I'm on twitter is because my pee is dirty and my credit's crap. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:13:20 +0000 2014 | The reason I'm on twitter is because I'm not getting enough fiber. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:05:00 +0000 2014 | RT @Koalaifyahearme: The reason I'm on twitter is because it's the only way famous French generals from the past get followed nowadays. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:04:57 +0000 2014 | RT @tortillareform: The reason I'm on twitter is because I have a coupon that's about to expire. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:04:55 +0000 2014 | RT @gotMeh: The reason I'm on twitter is because it's a lot grosser in twitter. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:04:51 +0000 2014 | RT @inlinebehindDio: The reason I'm on twitter is because it cleverly disguises my procrastination. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:04:48 +0000 2014 | RT @Bananamaste: The reason I'm on twitter is because I saw what you did last summer. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:04:44 +0000 2014 | RT @sexgodsuperhero: The reason I'm on twitter is because of something super complicated that you wouldn't understand. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:04:42 +0000 2014 | RT @SafetyNap: The reason I'm on twitter is because of the free gum. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:04:39 +0000 2014 | RT @thegameneedsme: The reason I'm on twitter is because I have really no idea. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:04:35 +0000 2014 | RT @potatobugsplit: The reason I'm on twitter is because guess who flew over the cuckoo's nest and had to make an emergency landing. Yes, I… |
| Wed Jul 30 21:04:33 +0000 2014 | RT @forfeitsdeposit: The reason I'm on twitter is because somebody's gotta write the worst tweets. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:04:30 +0000 2014 | RT @JedsFans: The reason I'm on twitter is because of job security. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:04:28 +0000 2014 | RT @tweetspraylove: The reason I'm on twitter is because of bait and switch advertising. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:02:51 +0000 2014 | RT @alexillest: The only reason I'm on Twitter is because my parents sent me friend requests on Facebook. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:02:23 +0000 2014 | RT @waitingforjedot: The reason I'm on twitter is because none of my pants fit. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:02:14 +0000 2014 | RT @Nerducken: The reason I'm on twitter is because the laundry's not gonna not fold itself. Wait. What? |
| Wed Jul 30 21:02:11 +0000 2014 | RT @MinervasDiner: The reason I'm on twitter is because the monkey on my back won't admit he's an alcoholic like AA wants him to say. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:02:07 +0000 2014 | RT @Ticklemeelzebub: The reason I'm on twitter is because this ankle bracelet pretty much limits my mobility. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:02:05 +0000 2014 | RT @freaksong: The reason I'm on twitter is because occasionally your mom gets off me to make me some coffee. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:02:00 +0000 2014 | RT @TNWmusicFans: The reason I'm on twitter is because I didn't see the ceiling fan, and now I can't get through airport security. |
| Wed Jul 30 21:00:24 +0000 2014 | RT @bvb1123: The reason I'm on Twitter is because these manic episodes aren't going to tweet themselves. |
| Wed Jul 30 20:59:52 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: The reason I'm on twitter is because you can't live without me. |
| Wed Jul 30 20:59:46 +0000 2014 | RT @Wonderwaltz: The reason I'm on twitter is because paying attention while I drive gets boring. |
| Wed Jul 30 20:59:44 +0000 2014 | RT @PopularityStars: The reason I'm on twitter is because my father and my grandfather were. |
| Wed Jul 30 20:59:37 +0000 2014 | RT @BingMinus: The reason I'm on twitter is because I like to read dumb things celebrities tweet to make me feel smarter. |
| Wed Jul 30 20:59:34 +0000 2014 | RT @TheBookofTweet: The reason I'm on twitter is because I don't have your money. |
| Wed Jul 30 20:59:30 +0000 2014 | RT @brokefloormat: The reason I'm on twitter is because someone has to save the world. |
| Wed Jul 30 20:59:26 +0000 2014 | RT @sexoutthecity: The reason I'm on twitter is because you need supervision. |
| Wed Jul 30 20:59:23 +0000 2014 | RT @Dumbassador: The reason I'm on twitter is because is twitter on I'm reason the. |
| Wed Jul 30 20:59:20 +0000 2014 | RT @tantricHAMtrick: The reason I'm on twitter is because one of these days I'm gonna read your tweets. |
| Wed Jul 30 20:59:14 +0000 2014 | RT @BathtubAnarchy: The reason I'm on twitter is because you all smell like me. |
| Wed Jul 30 20:41:22 +0000 2014 | The reason I'm on twitter is because it's okay to tell grape jokes. |
| Tue Jul 29 03:04:35 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: Someday I'll explain my disdain for triathletes. For now let's just say I identify more with biathletes. |
| Mon Jul 28 23:11:19 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: You have to try this from:handle search thing. It's really fast. Filters out the @'s & RTs. Goes deep in time. It's really a… |
| Mon Jul 28 15:27:28 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: Today on the What on Earth Was I Thinking channel: I slept with you. |
| Mon Jul 28 09:01:41 +0000 2014 | RT @Midwipe: "Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room." ~Winston Churchill |
| Mon Jul 28 09:01:18 +0000 2014 | RT @PinkCamoTO: Her: All our children's snacks are organic. Me: Cool. My kid eats candy off the floor. |
| Mon Jul 28 08:55:36 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: DJ Yoda & Tommy Lee ..feat. Lil Wayne, Spark Dawg, Big Sean, Joell Ortiz, Sum 41 & J-Son: 'Loser' http://t.co/UU55miS4I… |
| Mon Jul 28 08:55:29 +0000 2014 | RT @sssh_squirrel: I love you. |
| Mon Jul 28 08:55:23 +0000 2014 | RT @scrirc: FRIENDLY ADVICE: Make sure to lard your social media bios up with everything you like and everyone you know. |
| Mon Jul 28 08:55:19 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: You're never too old to lie on your back in the grass, look up into the blue sky, and decipher the codes sent by dissip… |
| Mon Jul 28 08:55:16 +0000 2014 | RT @Dark_Spectre: Somebody a couple of days ago said they were upset that nobody on Twitter had offended them yet. I've been working a twee… |
| Mon Jul 28 08:55:11 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: "Really top-drawer" I say to the lady handing out samples at Costco, grease from my 6th piece of sausage squirting from my… |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:57 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: One day I'll use "penultimate" and "apropos" in a sentence, correctly, and watch people's heads tilt like a dog's at th… |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:54 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: Oh you're one of them, is something I may have heard lots of times on dates. |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:52 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: Another way to spice things up is to dress like a tiger. Hide in tree. Unexpectedly pounce down and bite her neck. Women lo… |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:49 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: do you not understand that every.single.thing is unbelievable every.single.thing. is a fantastical unrealistic hypothes… |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:42 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: The brown Gatorade my friend gets for me tastes like Skoal. |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:40 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: I don't know what I'm going to do with all these hemp origami osprey condoms now that this weekend's drum circle's been c… |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:36 +0000 2014 | RT @AnemoneHegemony: Disdain Level: -TTFN -Anyhoo -Toodle-pip Actually, I retract toodle-pip. |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:33 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: The dogs are play-fighting quite loudly so I had to turn up the music a bit. [devil horn hand emoji] |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:31 +0000 2014 | RT @Zeusaphone: Tweeting and watching a soft rock infomercial. This is the best Sunday afternoon. |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:29 +0000 2014 | RT @zigzagzigggular: I'm doing much better than yesterday at 5am, I can tell you that much |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:26 +0000 2014 | RT @Toastburglar: Did you know you can use white out on your clothing tags and write in whatever size you want? THIS IS LIFE CHANGING STUFF… |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:24 +0000 2014 | RT @zigzagzigggular: "What's the necklace mean?" Waitress: "Oh this? It means I'm born again Christian" Without skipping a beat, "Is that k… |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:18 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: Self image is a tricky thing. http://t.co/5DhPaDeDk3 |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:15 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: Looked up the word solipsism hoping it would be about the time I wanted cake but it fell then I was sad, yet it was something… |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:14 +0000 2014 | RT @erickomans: What are you, new? |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:11 +0000 2014 | RT @ShimmenyShe: My world is clearly missing a naked eager tea server with a plate of marmite and cheese toasties.... |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:08 +0000 2014 | RT @ShimmenyShe: High fives monday morning, wipes hands on curtains, dashes for the kettle. |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:03 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: This sweater was made with love. Really Karen? It seems like regular fucking yarn to me. |
| Mon Jul 28 08:54:02 +0000 2014 | RT @cloudypianos: Thinking of making something of myself, what materials do I need exactly? |
| Sun Jul 27 21:02:00 +0000 2014 | RT @piplips: I'm so old, everyone is good looking and whispering. |
| Sun Jul 27 21:01:30 +0000 2014 | RT @piplips: Just because you don't like someone, doesn't give you the right to be unkind to them. |
| Sun Jul 27 20:46:41 +0000 2014 | RT @meaculpau27: Can't shake this feeling that everyone I follow is actually just ONE person. One absolutely freakin' brilliant person, but… |
| Sun Jul 27 20:37:09 +0000 2014 | "Love is the reason for it all." ~Dorothy Fields |
| Thu Jul 24 00:59:43 +0000 2014 | RT @Christal_L: You're so nice to me. I don't have any money. I can make a pot roast. Would you like a pot roast? I make a great pot roast.… |
| Thu Jul 24 00:59:36 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: Don't even care if the whole world's laughing at us. I love America and I will fight for my right to pretend we once wa… |
| Thu Jul 24 00:59:34 +0000 2014 | RT @RunwayDan: Stumbling into a crazy person's timeline is just one of the many, many things to like about Twitter. |
| Thu Jul 24 00:59:30 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: I didn't use a filter on my selfie, that's just chicken nugget grease on my camera lens. |
| Thu Jul 24 00:59:28 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: Hey carefree little dust particles floating in the sunlight that's streaming thru the window, wait up! |
| Thu Jul 24 00:59:25 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: I don’t even need electricity at my house. Everything runs off my sexual energy. |
| Thu Jul 24 00:59:19 +0000 2014 | RT @14thmouse: Someone has confused gauntlets with baseballs, making for a slightly inelegant first inning. |
| Thu Jul 24 00:59:14 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: Is that petulance in your pocket or are you just unhappy about seeing me? |
| Thu Jul 24 00:58:57 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: I learned almost everything I know about alien tentacle bondage sex from my great-grammy Agnes. |
| Thu Jul 24 00:58:15 +0000 2014 | RT @Midwipe: Barfly http://t.co/2SXP0ySDwH (the entire movie) |
| Thu Jul 24 00:57:57 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: Him: what do you like in bed? Me: lots of stuff... H: like...? M: Twizzlers, ice cream, Dots H: cookies? M: *hangs head* ye… |
| Thu Jul 24 00:56:26 +0000 2014 | RT @RobbyRob313: Some guy kept yelling for me to flash my "boobs" while I was singing, but I think we want different things out of life. |
| Thu Jul 24 00:56:23 +0000 2014 | RT @littlemaclarge: "Look at you strutting around like a banty rooster with your chest puffed out!" ~ Shit my Grandpa just said! Me: ??? ;… |
| Thu Jul 24 00:56:07 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: meet the world head on why don't you. your skin your bones raw against the world. it is the portal into everything |
| Thu Jul 24 00:55:42 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: When uploading pictures the PC asks if I want to insert a picture & then I wonder how that would work so I take off my panti… |
| Thu Jul 24 00:55:34 +0000 2014 | RT @EccentricPixie: she'd just sit quietly alienated in the corner observing the other strangers with a wild eyed telepathic child-like sta… |
| Thu Jul 24 00:55:31 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: The most loving thing you can do for a person is to believe in the way that they are figuring life out for themself. |
| Thu Jul 24 00:55:28 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: what if you were furry and you were the united states of america |
| Thu Jul 24 00:55:19 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: *plays Old Dirty Bastard at 5yo bday party* Excuse me, this music is inappropriate for kids! *apologizes. plays Big Baby… |
| Tue Jul 22 03:31:06 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: I wonder what it's like to be a complete jackass. If only I knew someone I could ask. |
| Tue Jul 22 02:20:44 +0000 2014 | RT @LollySassafras: It's easier to see glitches in the matrix at night. You gotta relax your vision tho. Think: Magic 3D picture eye postur… |
| Tue Jul 22 01:24:24 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: Penny slots, ink blots, soda pops and riding crops. |
| Sat Jul 19 23:22:44 +0000 2014 | Went into the bowels of an owl after he was done with his alphabet vegetable soup. I told him I needed a vowel because my pop had to poop. |
| Sat Jul 19 19:53:37 +0000 2014 | RT @Alter_Anne: My brain gets blown every time I read and It is all connected. And my mind expands and I have no plan but plenty of ideas.… |
| Sat Jul 19 19:14:08 +0000 2014 | RT @Gooberforce: And her epitaph shall read: "She mostly wrote really stupid stuff on Twitter." And the tombstone next to her will retweet… |
| Sat Jul 19 19:05:06 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: The help was not what she needed at all, the doctor could hardly keep up with the score, walks to the door and bangs a brain… |
| Sat Jul 19 18:50:29 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I tried to take one of those selfies with the camera held up at a flattering angle, but a bird flew overhead and photobombe… |
| Thu Jul 17 04:05:26 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: People will think you have a great sense of humor if you always laugh at their jokes. |
| Thu Jul 17 04:05:19 +0000 2014 | RT @typ0negative: It's like my neighbor's precious barking pooch has forgotten I can throw a rock that far from my deck. And very accuratel… |
| Thu Jul 17 00:09:07 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: Her diagnosis was deep in the depths of herself and she retreated away from the Psychiatric help. |
| Thu Jul 17 00:09:06 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: And I google my symptoms and I think fuck this crappy drug. |
| Wed Jul 16 19:02:45 +0000 2014 | I don't mind following you, but.. You coulda warned me about that branch. |
| Sat Jul 12 00:46:14 +0000 2014 | RT @PinkCamoTO: Can you please DM me if you feel like taking a few steps backwards with your therapy. |
| Sat Jul 12 00:40:17 +0000 2014 | RT @TwirlUrFaceOff: “@PeyoteCoyotea: http://t.co/DxoCwz3lxO” #HappyFriday |
| Sat Jul 12 00:38:46 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I actually find housework very soothing, as long as you can work quietly and I'm not required to move. |
| Sat Jul 12 00:36:49 +0000 2014 | RT @Jay1972Jay: I need to borrow a few of you for a few days no questions asked. |
| Sat Jul 12 00:35:37 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: you dont have to be jealous of some girl like me. it wont help. |
| Sat Jul 12 00:35:30 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: where my pot callin kettle at ¿ |
| Fri Jul 11 22:52:45 +0000 2014 | RT @1Tortured_soul: If you make someone laugh at the same moment they begin to cry, you can almost feel you've absorbed some of their pain.… |
| Fri Jul 11 22:52:40 +0000 2014 | RT @TheBookofTweet: Untrust the Fear http://t.co/BJqzXf2Slh |
| Sun Jul 06 18:54:53 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: One day, Humanity will just be a computer floating around in space and it won't understand music or love or food or dick j… |
| Sun Jul 06 18:54:46 +0000 2014 | RT @ClubNette: Them: Blah blah and other complaints about my life. Me: *strikes wind chimes* Them: *feels awkward and runs away* Me: *chesh… |
| Sun Jul 06 18:54:12 +0000 2014 | RT @Cleaner_Steve: This whole you not being here thing blows |
| Sun Jul 06 18:54:01 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: Former campus radicals reminiscing about the good old days while short selling stocks over a bottle of Glenlivet from a do… |
| Sun Jul 06 18:53:23 +0000 2014 | RT @caperbc75: I bet Putin would take Obama a hell of a lot more serious if he invaded Pakistan and changed it's name to Tupacistan and nev… |
| Sun Jul 06 18:52:30 +0000 2014 | RT @_gomerpyle_: Just how "fancy" are these cashews if you eat them naked in an unmade bed at noon |
| Sun Jul 06 18:52:14 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: I think all any woman is looking for on here is a little courtesy, some respect and a "Would do." comment on selfies. |
| Sun Jul 06 18:51:14 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: Friday, cry all day, wonder what the fuck to say, Friday, high day, hide out on my account. Recount, recall, I'm so sma… |
| Sun Jul 06 18:50:29 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I just have to believe in myself? You know what happened when I believed in Santa Claus? I got lots of presents.. ok, yeah … |
| Sun Jul 06 18:50:14 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: Table turner extraordinaire. |
| Sun Jul 06 18:50:08 +0000 2014 | RT @TheMommyDearest: If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone else, you’ve already forgotten your value. |
| Sun Jul 06 00:19:48 +0000 2014 | RT @Dumbassador: Candace Pert, PhD, taken from Healing and the Mind with Bill Moyers. http://t.co/jf0yvgekGr via @youtube |
| Thu Jul 03 04:46:46 +0000 2014 | RT @Don_Pearyawn: This dog is ‘not allowed’ on the bed… but something hilarious happens when no one is home http://t.co/60W6vufaoq |
| Wed Jul 02 02:28:38 +0000 2014 | RT @brokefloormat: Find older tweets (past 3200 limit) if you define dates in search bar. from:username since:yyyy-mm-dd until:yyyy-mm-dd … |
| Tue Jul 01 23:38:03 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: If I wanted your opinion, I would have put out. |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:58 +0000 2014 | RT @scotthellrising: When people look at my photos I want them to say to themselves, "why does this photograph even exist? Why the hell am … |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:53 +0000 2014 | RT @Garuda_Method: Calls to tech support where your asshole kid is going crazy on a harmonica in the background have a 100% chance of dropp… |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:50 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: *sets phone to freak-mode* |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:45 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: All this shit I've been reading lately about the impermanence and non-existence of the self makes a lot more sense after a… |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:38 +0000 2014 | RT @CtotheASS: someone tell this baby that my eyes are up HERE |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:30 +0000 2014 | RT @ClubNette: "I've put the sock on upside down, Meow." Cat stays silent. "The fearsome rainbow striped sock has vanquished me." Cat doesn… |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:27 +0000 2014 | RT @Tinkerbell_: Not proud of everything I've ever said and done. Luckily I am not my past. Neither are you yours. We define ourselves. And… |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:14 +0000 2014 | RT @catcerveny: Just realized that when the robots take over, boobs are probably going to lose all their power. |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:11 +0000 2014 | RT @grasshopper09er: Some of my best friends are feral. |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:08 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: Drug of choice, attention of course. |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:06 +0000 2014 | RT @denver_mcc: When's Kanye dropping his nature sounds album? |
| Tue Jul 01 23:37:04 +0000 2014 | RT @eborg01: I'm at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards*, use my atomic laser**, and open the safe*** * 3 cats ** can opener *… |
| Tue Jul 01 23:36:53 +0000 2014 | RT @LizzieEMB: Weird. Whistling Bowie's Starman, it morphs into Somewhere Over The Rainbow then into Phantom Of The Opera. New Twitter a… |
| Tue Jul 01 23:36:49 +0000 2014 | RT @JessiePilly: Zombies don't DIY. |
| Tue Jul 01 23:36:47 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: I put on my sports bra to take a nap today, because napping is like an Olympic sport to me, and I can at least qualify in th… |
| Tue Jul 01 23:36:43 +0000 2014 | RT @T2_U: How long have you date your smartphone? |
| Tue Jul 01 23:36:37 +0000 2014 | RT @typ0negative: Extraterrestrial? All this time I thought you were telling me "extra testicles". Lose my phone number. |
| Tue Jul 01 23:36:35 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: "What the shit is this shit?!?" --when aliens receive the Voyager I message |
| Tue Jul 01 23:36:20 +0000 2014 | RT @Cool_Jesse: There's only one real secret to Twitter, and that is TWEET. Tweet your stupid fucking heart out, the rest sorts itself. |
| Tue Jul 01 23:36:16 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: Don’t ever let anyone dull your sparkle. ~ Unknown |
| Tue Jul 01 23:36:14 +0000 2014 | RT @idanisfunny: I feel like sitting in the vegetable garden of my castle with my Rhino and play the harmonica, but it won't happen. I don'… |
| Tue Jul 01 02:58:00 +0000 2014 | RT @sexoutthecity: https://t.co/6JKqI8fM7I |
| Tue Jul 01 02:36:11 +0000 2014 | https://t.co/Yu1wZxKprB |
| Tue Jul 01 02:12:11 +0000 2014 | RT @Yeezeus: Thanks to @protolalia's discovery, we can do this: https://t.co/Laj5YCHt5X (insert your user name instead) & get rid of our… |
| Tue Jul 01 02:11:30 +0000 2014 | RT @typ0negative: Thanks to @protolalia, I feel as though I can exit the broken hamster wheel called Favstar painlessly & without regret. |
| Tue Jul 01 02:10:07 +0000 2014 | RT @Garuda_Method: The mark of a man who has mastered himself is forgiveness |
| Tue Jul 01 02:09:31 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Just discovered: If you type "from:username" in the Twitter search field (no @), it shows tweets from a user w/out RTs. |
| Fri Jun 27 22:59:54 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: RT @Garuda_Method: "@CosmicCat: You never need to be so mean as to make another person cry."//dumbest tweet ever. dumbe… |
| Wed Jun 25 18:07:15 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: The strippers at "The Lazy Wench" trudge into the room, pull their bra off overhead, then collapse in your lap, complai… |
| Wed Jun 25 18:05:20 +0000 2014 | RT @evem3281: Being told I "look very purple" when I met with my mate of 30 years for lunch today. Kept smiling whilst slapping her repeate… |
| Tue Jun 24 05:46:56 +0000 2014 | RT @RobbyRob313: I think the cat sees me as a father figure, which is weird because I just see him as a buddy. #awkward |
| Tue Jun 24 05:46:36 +0000 2014 | RT @RobbyRob313: Dance like I'm watching you. And judging you. That's right, sit back down. |
| Tue Jun 24 05:46:10 +0000 2014 | RT @kissmeparsley: Dear dog what makes you smell so bad? It makes me wonder what you had. Until I find what makes you toot, You'll be held … |
| Tue Jun 24 05:45:58 +0000 2014 | RT @kissmeparsley: My friend brought me a vegan chocolate cake & some grass-fed steaks to cook for dinner. I love the dissonance & good int… |
| Tue Jun 24 05:45:43 +0000 2014 | RT @kissmeparsley: T'was a good day lived today. :) |
| Tue Jun 24 05:45:20 +0000 2014 | RT @Raoul_Duke_71: Haven't had much to say lately, so I've been pretty quiet & mostly just RT-ing... This is not an apology... More like se… |
| Tue Jun 24 05:45:15 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: No thanks, good judgement, I make the decisions here. |
| Tue Jun 24 05:44:59 +0000 2014 | RT @WheelTod: I'm sorry you're studying Computer Game Design. Were all the spots at Ninja Training College taken? |
| Tue Jun 24 05:44:45 +0000 2014 | RT @pinningnut: My husband and I are thinking about leaving everything to our dog. What he will do with $20.00 I don't know. But I hope he … |
| Tue Jun 24 05:44:40 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: All this crap going on in my life..,will I laugh one day, will it be a treasured memory some day? |
| Tue Jun 24 05:44:35 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: My self-esteem is based entirely on my ability to teach cats tricks, parallel parking skills, & excellent penmanship. This … |
| Tue Jun 24 05:44:15 +0000 2014 | RT @eudaimonium: Imagine you're a robot. Wrong, robots don't have an imagination. Yet. |
| Tue Jun 24 05:01:21 +0000 2014 | Purple Balloon: Cuz I'm full of hot air? You so funny. Not. The reason I ramble's cuz I know if I ever get to the point, I'm gonna.. Pop. |
| Tue Jun 24 01:38:38 +0000 2014 | RT @picoferal: i have been kissing necks and caressing faces in my imagination. surrounded by witnesses, i share only through my eyes, body… |
| Tue Jun 24 01:36:59 +0000 2014 | RT @cynicanoldicus: Twitter will end when the perfect tweet triggers an unstoppable chain reaction of RTs causing an overload. Our freedom'… |
| Tue Jun 24 01:03:52 +0000 2014 | RT @ReverendEBW: "LSD is proof that God is weird and wants us to be purple." ~ Ben Franklin, the third time he tried acid. |
| Tue Jun 24 00:53:31 +0000 2014 | RT @llvvzz: So, you guys want to see me in a White Snake music video, playing 'Call of Duty', pleasuring myself and then making sandwiches … |
| Tue Jun 24 00:15:01 +0000 2014 | Do ya get the feeling we are all just feeding the beast here? Probably best we assume it's a friendly one, I guess. |
| Sat Jun 21 11:01:24 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: When I dress up my cats it's ironic and hilarious, Mom, but putting that sundress on your dog is just a sad cry for help. *… |
| Sat Jun 21 09:10:40 +0000 2014 | I hope you know I wrote this tweet.. Real slow. For you. Even sprayed it with junkyard funk. Gave it a homegrown smell. Scent of Grape. |
| Sat Jun 21 08:55:25 +0000 2014 | Aliens said locking me in ship's basement wasn't kidnapping. Just detained 'til I gave 'em right answers. Me, soduh, so suck at pop quizzes. |
| Sat Jun 21 05:25:15 +0000 2014 | Had I known life had given us second-hand lemons, I would’ve washed them before I incorporated them into our bedroom routine. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:57:25 +0000 2014 | RT @SarahsJokes: WOW! I JUST CAUGHT A FISH IN MY MOUTH! Jay kay, guys. Jay kay. It's cum. I'm not a bear. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:57:21 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: 'no don't do that' i say 'haha i'm doing it' i say back |
| Wed Jun 18 22:57:18 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: To make my famous soup, I start by taking a leek... |
| Wed Jun 18 22:57:14 +0000 2014 | RT @jomartin26: "Life is more vivid & putridly beautiful when it's cosmically sad"..said the Big Bad Wolf as he ravished Little Red Ridding… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:57:12 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: Today is the day that I release the grainy video of Ann Coulter getting cock-whipped by a flaccid though surprisingly lar… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:57:07 +0000 2014 | RT @CallieVanZant: Scratch and sniff porn magazines. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:56:59 +0000 2014 | RT @CallieVanZant: I want to be that 100 year old woman on the evening news that just got diagnosed with an STD. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:56:44 +0000 2014 | RT @ericsshadow: I wonder who Kanye West thinks has the 2nd best Twitter account. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:56:39 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: I had to learn the hard way not to flash the "shocker" hand sign in front of a live studio audience. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:56:33 +0000 2014 | RT @darkwise: I wrote a book cataloging all of the facts on fiction, but now I do not know whether to categorize it under facts or fiction. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:56:29 +0000 2014 | RT @KelleeMaize: Def just saw a UFO |
| Wed Jun 18 22:56:28 +0000 2014 | RT @bradjmyers: I can't follow someone who doesn't like Arby's I'm just not ready to be hurt again |
| Wed Jun 18 22:56:19 +0000 2014 | RT @crston7: Flickering dreamscapes woven from the strands of our lives living beneath the surfaces mind adventure that prepares us for the… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:56:10 +0000 2014 | RT @crston7: If you can’t alter the circumstances, change your perspective. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:56:07 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: Judging from the pawprints on my windshield, my car was the venue for a rave held by woodland creatures last night. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:56:02 +0000 2014 | RT @Toastburglar: I couldn't decide if I should be sexy or funny on twitter, so I went with neither. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:56:00 +0000 2014 | RT @Dan_Nemeth: "Tweeting from the roof: like a boss" - me Saturday afternoon |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:56 +0000 2014 | RT @eliserose5: Opening a new account and following everyone who blocked me. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:50 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: " I recommend random topless appearances and loud wind chimes and kanye west when triple j gives a language warning." and sh… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:47 +0000 2014 | RT @donkeyyogi: I trained my human to give me a treat whenever I stand on my hind legs and tap her palm. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:41 +0000 2014 | RT @kimshannon: I'm convinced that, no matter how badly I get fucked over, everything will be ok in the end because I'm a good person with … |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:39 +0000 2014 | RT @1Tortured_soul: I experimented a little while studying sword swallowing back in clown college. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:36 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I dress up my cats because playing with baby dolls is just weird at my age. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:33 +0000 2014 | RT @slyoung5: I don't get even with people that have wronged me. I get even with the people that have been good to me. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:31 +0000 2014 | RT @erickomans: What if apples don't actually float and they're just treading water to avoid the Barrel Beast? |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:25 +0000 2014 | RT @squirrelsnnuts: In order to ease awkwardness when I have people over and my cat starts licking her cunt, I tell them she learned it fro… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:22 +0000 2014 | RT @erickomans: You can do anything some guy can do. Just look up the instructions. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:19 +0000 2014 | RT @IamEveryDayPpl: Duck. Duck. GOOSE! *runs around courtroom not believing only the bailiff wants to play* |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:16 +0000 2014 | RT @domesticH: it's almost like the world is trying to piss me off and one creeper is spearheading the whole operation. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:12 +0000 2014 | RT @Ghetto_Trophy: If crazy were a place, it would be here. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:06 +0000 2014 | RT @jkrambles: Twitter is outright fuckery, plain & simple. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:05 +0000 2014 | RT @camillececilia: Today I wrote a poem. A goddamn poem. What the hell is happening to me? |
| Wed Jun 18 22:55:01 +0000 2014 | RT @chairmanMAO_92: Saw a girl with a bum so nice in the gym i've decided to accept her bum as my personal lord and saviour |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:58 +0000 2014 | RT @EccentricPixie: *Tinfoil Flowers In Her Hair* waiting for her sleek robotic knight in shining rose petals to tickle her stems & juice u… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:56 +0000 2014 | RT @Willowbottom: "Who are you calling sucker?" -- a Dum-Dum with an attitude problem |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:54 +0000 2014 | RT @nobettertweet: Maybe leave some names for the other things, garbanzos? |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:51 +0000 2014 | RT @Don_Pearyawn: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... Especially if they're perky. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:50 +0000 2014 | RT @MmeLaCrooz: It's probably better we just don't mention that I licked that just now. More than once. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:46 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: Thank-you all for your kindness & everything you do. ♥ |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:44 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: if you love someone squeeze them so tight the grocery store manager comes |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:41 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: Canadian girls like it in the boot. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:38 +0000 2014 | RT @kimshannon: He just fed my chickens on Farmville. Which, of course, is code for "He just put it in my butt". |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:36 +0000 2014 | RT @LittleHarmonica: You know the little man in the boat?...I think mine may have capsized and drowned from all the vigorous waving after l… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:28 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: ~I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it - Maya Angelou ♥ |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:26 +0000 2014 | RT @PyrBliss: I'm going to Home Depot, which means I'll likely tweet this exact same tweet at least three more times today. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:19 +0000 2014 | RT @sexoutthecity: Sleeping Planet .mov http://t.co/wLlgzTW2LL via @youtube |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:18 +0000 2014 | RT @Willowbottom: It's not that I don't see the curb. It's just that I don't care about it. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:14 +0000 2014 | RT @WaterLilyDreams: Sometimes I can't tell the difference between if I'm being sexy or awkward. Haha get at me! |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:10 +0000 2014 | RT @rotusbrossum: Five. Five flusher. Five flusher footlong. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:09 +0000 2014 | RT @mattr_in_nc: What if they held an orgy and nobody came? |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:05 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: Stapled the hem of my pants. Say something. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:54:00 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: people just want to know that you're mad at the same things they're mad at |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:55 +0000 2014 | RT @YesEclectic: Stay away from the bean dip. - said no one last night when I was eating bean dip. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:53 +0000 2014 | RT @jomartin26: Even with the advancements that we've made in our time here,we're still the special buss compared to civilizations that r p… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:50 +0000 2014 | RT @lindsaynothing: As if madness itself were in love with you. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:47 +0000 2014 | RT @Don_Pearyawn: You guys are really inspirational today... and shit. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:42 +0000 2014 | RT @Dmvm1977: Looking back, I don't think there was ever a good time to find out I wasn't adopted. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:39 +0000 2014 | RT @soulamplified: Polyvinyl smiles On the altar Of circled ritual There was fire And the smoke Cloaked the queen. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:38 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: travel the trails until you see goodness sincerity kindness. if you don't see it yet keep going. keep going and keep goi… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:34 +0000 2014 | RT @StatusInBeirut: Sign in to Facebook. First status update on newsfeed: "No internet connection!!!" Idiot quota of the day: surpassed.… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:32 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: FYI: your wishes don't come true because my kids are clogging the pipeline with wishes for a cactus to babysit them so the… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:30 +0000 2014 | RT @nickeldefense: Today's weather partly cloudy with intermittent bongos... |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:28 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: 7: Squid pro Squirrel Me: 7: Me: 7: Let me explain... |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:25 +0000 2014 | RT @Maxine12333: Think how great it would be if twitter never made follower counts visible - level the playing field and do away with egoma… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:23 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: Need a 2" person willing to wear a tiny sweater bodysuit to rub & fiddle with my nipples, so they stay hard, but warm, whil… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:16 +0000 2014 | RT @lindsaynothing: This new level of bravery is giving me a panic attack. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:10 +0000 2014 | RT @apple_hotm: Now THAT is how you wake up. I'm almost to weak to crawl into the kitchen. But I need to feed you everything you ever want… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:53:06 +0000 2014 | RT @MBBeachRat: When is an appropriate time for me to look for my fake toenail in this factory? Damn flip flops. Damn glue. Damn dill pickl… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:52:58 +0000 2014 | RT @lindsaynothing: You assume a cynicism to protect the magic you know. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:52:56 +0000 2014 | RT @chaddercook: Some days I have to tell myself that there will be a nap later, just to convince myself to get out of bed... |
| Wed Jun 18 22:52:54 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: My first boyfriend was a carny at the state fair. He used to let me go on all the rides for free, even though I wasn't tall… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:52:44 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: It feels like my brain is covered in a sheet of bubble wrap & whenever I think too hard about something the bubbles begin to… |
| Wed Jun 18 22:52:33 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: He RT's me so good, the sex just has to be great. It's only logical. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:52:26 +0000 2014 | RT @FebWin: If there's anything I have learned, it's this. Everybody unfollows eventually. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:52:14 +0000 2014 | RT @sexgodsuperhero: Jed's A Millionaire - "Someone" http://t.co/mjkdHOMNNu |
| Wed Jun 18 22:52:09 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I'm worried that there are some super-cute cat pictures I may never even see. |
| Wed Jun 18 22:51:56 +0000 2014 | RT @phantasmagoryy: Adventure is a rainy girl. |
| Sun Jun 15 19:48:53 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: Helen Reddy - Angie Baby http://t.co/suO74B2I2J |
| Sun Jun 15 19:42:22 +0000 2014 | RT @1000mindsofme: DON'T PANIC, I have a head doctor called Maru. He says I need to relax, and be me, so I created this account to go with … |
| Fri Jun 13 17:45:10 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: I keep a red thread in my pocket for you. |
| Thu Jun 12 03:58:21 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: woke up in a bad mood. so im thinking about how terrible some movies are and i feel better. |
| Thu Jun 12 03:18:45 +0000 2014 | I like how my 2 BCFFs (best cow friends) love Twitter, but less udder butter honking (and bell rings) and saying nice tweets would be swell. |
| Thu Jun 12 03:07:08 +0000 2014 | "I know you are not a banana. You're an annoying little orange," said the fake grape psychic with the big old secret hidden purple peephole. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:59:26 +0000 2014 | RT @AskAuntieEm1: I want to buy one of the little old trailers in this park & turn it into outsider art. And cats. I'm going to need cats. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:59:20 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: “We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet. Even longer,' Pooh answered.” ― A.A. Milne |
| Thu Jun 12 00:59:16 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: I've never met a clown who didn't like to party kind of freaky. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:59:14 +0000 2014 | RT @Ptwitch: Love,Love, Love... to You and You and You... -*\\/*- |
| Thu Jun 12 00:59:12 +0000 2014 | RT @_Anntics10: It's all about love..love..love..❤️ |
| Thu Jun 12 00:59:10 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: @kriistol1 I look a bit like Neil. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:59:08 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: I live to be called a young one. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:59:01 +0000 2014 | RT @errrin718: Guy eating half a dozen doughnuts on the train. I'm interested |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:51 +0000 2014 | RT @kokomobones: Just studying, you all |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:47 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: A few simple rules my father taught me: Always respect women. Never lift a hand in anger. Always share what I have with… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:44 +0000 2014 | RT @JaneBadall: Actually there's a logical explanation for my tweets, I dropped my phone on its head when it was a baby. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:42 +0000 2014 | RT @rantingreznik: You don’t give a Viking a pair of blades, stick him on ice and expect him to play nice. *successfully used this defense… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:35 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: "Two people you follow are talking about Snooki. Join them!" -how two people just got unfollowed |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:32 +0000 2014 | RT @MmeLaCrooz: My cat's gonna be fucking homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on You Tube. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:30 +0000 2014 | RT @meaculpau27: MIS: Missing in Stupidity. http://t.co/PyxVpAB8IC |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:23 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: Found footage of Dorothy and Toto fleeing the scene of a Hit/Skip shows them skipping down the Road. Lion calls the act “c… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:21 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: I am a grocery store sorceress as I walk down the frozen food aisle and the lights magically turn on just for me. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:18 +0000 2014 | RT @CARBAJALme: ----> http://t.co/nMLWsERjDb <---- |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:16 +0000 2014 | RT @CARBAJALme: http://t.co/c3jxBHps0u |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:12 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: I can't stop thinking that the vocals for The Band's version of "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" were done by Kerm… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:09 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides. ~Dan Hill |
| Thu Jun 12 00:58:02 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Shrink: How many goals were you able to accomplish from last month? Me: Just 1. S: Which? M: Writing down a buncha bs to sh… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:59 +0000 2014 | RT @7thBuffalo: Customer:These'll make me look like snoop dawg! Me: C:He can wear ANYTHING!He's dope diggity! Me: C: Me: C:Yeah..I'll jus'g… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:54 +0000 2014 | RT @secretdonkey: FACT: If you Google "Jesus Porn" the entire first page of results consists of faith-based approaches to overcoming porn a… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:52 +0000 2014 | RT @DiscoSexRock: Just spent a week there one night |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:50 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: Moved here two years ago, just unpacked the last box. Maybe I'll hang a picture next. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:47 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: The milkshake of Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young, & Kelis brought two cats to my yard. I could tell you how, but I'd have t… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:45 +0000 2014 | RT @kv8: Havin' a ball shootin' pretend basketballs, watchin' em snap through & sayin' "nothin' but net!" to every 5th stranger I pass on t… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:42 +0000 2014 | RT @Dwarven_Cleric: Whenever I see someone I know in public I usually hide. I mean, I'm a member of the community, sure. But I'm a ninja fi… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:40 +0000 2014 | RT @plasticwriting: I hope my next husband can spell |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:37 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: “It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how they are themselves” Carl Gustav Jung ♥ |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:34 +0000 2014 | RT @NoLuckWanted: I say a lot of dumb shit because they say understanding your audience is the most critical skill of communication. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:32 +0000 2014 | RT @_theMisT: I have goals.I want to be the lady on the corner talking to herself while simultaneously peeing on a rich person's shoe. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:30 +0000 2014 | RT @_benreily_: Don't worry, I've driven a clown car before. Now, get in. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:21 +0000 2014 | RT @SSparklesDaily: We try to write endings on paper still living as trees. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:16 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Take advantage of the Favstar outage and check out http://t.co/TtigcBFPGg. You'll love it, or my name isn't P.T. Barnum! |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:13 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: I just spent ten minutes trying to find the toilet paper end because some Neanderthal put the roll on backward. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:09 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I can always make myself laugh by imagining the look on my mom's face if I were to ever tell her exactly what I'm planning … |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:08 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: So funny. I said "pls hang this picture" but he heard "first, spend 6 months redesigning the hammer & forge the perfect nai… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:05 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: Yeah sure, college was OK I guess. If you're the kind of guy who likes unlimited access to phenomenal drugs, surprise fel… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:03 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: #freethepoets |
| Thu Jun 12 00:57:02 +0000 2014 | RT @danfcrescentphx: #freethepoets |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:47 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: In the hardcore world of dogs and pizza, there is no "honor system." |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:44 +0000 2014 | RT @crston7: The future is only as small as your imagination |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:42 +0000 2014 | RT @wendykingsmith: Im wearing one of those carnival rings you can't get wet, so someone else needs to come wash the dishes for me. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:40 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: Sorry. Are we still doing the whispery thing? |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:27 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: He called me the wrong name. It's ok, I'll change it. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:25 +0000 2014 | RT @jenetalia: my favorite things are weird music, strange sex, and the ability to stop. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:23 +0000 2014 | RT @Cognitive_Diss: Anarchy, bitches. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:21 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: Superman tweet: Batman told me he keeps his identity secret to protect his loved ones. I say, "Like who?" He turns red … |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:14 +0000 2014 | RT @twayne1010: Holding a guitar makes you sexy. *turns around and knocks over amp. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:10 +0000 2014 | RT @nezror: This didn't seem like the way I wanted my life to go until I heard your remixed version of it, that shit's dope I'll keep parti… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:05 +0000 2014 | RT @Teal_Fries: "I'm like a bean flicking mother Teresa" |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:03 +0000 2014 | RT @femiaddams: Pinterest ruined my life |
| Thu Jun 12 00:56:00 +0000 2014 | RT @UnhingedBlah: It's funny when I hear people say 'chai tea'. First I want to call it 'tai chi' n second chai means tea, so you want a te… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:58 +0000 2014 | RT @SaveItForFest: Bad day? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Unmotivated? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Don't like rap? Listen to 90… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:55 +0000 2014 | RT @UntouchableShe: If timing is everything then time can not be wasted, only past. It is the opportunities whose timing is missed that can… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:53 +0000 2014 | RT @UntouchableShe: This goes for orientation also. I can't tell you how many times I have overheard convos about me re those two things. h… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:49 +0000 2014 | RT @cndluluv: Sex so good you don't tell anyone. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:46 +0000 2014 | RT @Stabby_smurf: Want smaller accounts with fresh material? Check out my list. "Keep an eye out". Almost 200 accts with less than 1k follo… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:44 +0000 2014 | RT @Stabby_smurf: Twitter is the perfect place to go if you feel like an outcast. Someone way more fucked up is just a retweet away from yo… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:39 +0000 2014 | RT @Fredzipfel: I wouldn't be telling you about it if I wasn't talking to myself |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:37 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: Being the "Cynthia Plaster-Caster" of the podcast syndicate isn't always as exciting as one might imagine. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:34 +0000 2014 | RT @CARBAJALme: "Cray" (short for "crazy") was popular. Now "bae" (short for "baby") is popular. Sometimes I forget how dumb we are. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:31 +0000 2014 | RT @Maxine12333: Some days hope is all you have to cling to. Never let go. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:29 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: "Oh, I'll turn my head and cough, doctor, but it will be a forced and insincere cough." |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:22 +0000 2014 | RT @JustCallMeFrank: Want a good place to judge a lot of people at once? Go to a food festival. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:20 +0000 2014 | RT @picoferal: *from a podium *with teleprompters *in a suit |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:17 +0000 2014 | RT @autumnzephyr: My wings were never broken ... I just never wanted to fly before I met you. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:14 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: I'd probably more like disturb that kitty. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:12 +0000 2014 | RT @scotthellrising: When you're young bosses make you do stupid shit. Then you get older and stand up to them then they fire you & get som… |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:09 +0000 2014 | RT @schumyxxx: Hey, job... It's time we talk. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:55:07 +0000 2014 | RT @meaculpau27: I knew it. http://t.co/UgpI8DjiYU |
| Thu Jun 12 00:54:59 +0000 2014 | RT @welfarehoe: All I remember is Devo was playing on the radio in the grocery store and I blacked out in the dairy section. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:54:57 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: Tweets of the form "if she does ___, marry her" reflect a fundamental misunderstanding of how marriage works. It's a rookie … |
| Thu Jun 12 00:54:54 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. ~Henry David Thoreau |
| Thu Jun 12 00:54:51 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: Fell asleep reading my book on mindfulness again last night. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:54:43 +0000 2014 | RT @MYTQuinn1: 25 followers from 2,000...today may be the day |
| Thu Jun 12 00:54:40 +0000 2014 | RT @MYTQuinn1: 10,000 followers and yet you only follow 75? Nice trick |
| Thu Jun 12 00:54:32 +0000 2014 | RT @jomartin26: I'm not going to sit here & listen to your good advice. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:54:30 +0000 2014 | RT @Cool_Jesse: I have my reasons!! [Reasons not included.] |
| Thu Jun 12 00:54:23 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: Hold still while I read your tweets. |
| Thu Jun 12 00:54:21 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: For sale sign is up next door. A young couple was over there and one of them waved at me and yelled, "Hi"! I don't need thi… |
| Wed Jun 11 06:09:11 +0000 2014 | RT @drubicabra: Huh? O I'm just in the corner here making myself miserable for absolutely no reason. Nbd. |
| Wed Jun 11 06:07:35 +0000 2014 | RT @LightCarnival: Being Broken Open http://t.co/3JMaoX0T23 |
| Wed Jun 11 06:06:49 +0000 2014 | RT @qwertying: Having sex with an skinny girl is very much like wrestling with an unruly lawn chair. |
| Wed Jun 11 06:06:13 +0000 2014 | RT @Smug_Lemur: 6 said she brushed her teeth for a hundred bazillion trillion seconds. What a liar. |
| Wed Jun 11 06:04:43 +0000 2014 | RT @WheelTod: Imagine a blackened hovel shorn of kindness; a desolate bastion of ruined hope. But you'll see it for yourself at my housewar… |
| Wed Jun 11 06:02:56 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Every time I try to walk on eggshells, I slip on the yolk and fall face-first into a cabinet full of fine china. |
| Wed Jun 11 06:02:02 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: Standing in the sunlight I realize my new kicks are in fact purple, not royal blue. |
| Wed Jun 11 01:35:35 +0000 2014 | RT @cndluluv: You're the straw hat blocking everyone's view of the headlining act at the outdoor festival of people. |
| Tue Jun 10 23:18:20 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: Starting to suspect that employee may be as stupid as he is talented. He is very talented. |
| Mon Jun 09 00:02:39 +0000 2014 | Sometimes, being banned from a popular online site can like soduh be a blessing. |
| Sun Jun 08 23:21:33 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: "Are those vaginas?" - art gallery visitors |
| Sun Jun 08 23:20:54 +0000 2014 | RT @cndluluv: If only I could harness the energy of all the "you are not the father" guys. |
| Sun Jun 08 23:20:48 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Why is the first thing people always ask when I meet them is what the hell stinks so bad? |
| Sun Jun 08 21:21:33 +0000 2014 | RT @TheGladStork: Funny guy/technologist, @alfageeek, has created a great site for displaying your tweets. Check it out. Here's mine: http:… |
| Sun Jun 08 21:21:27 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: Gather your best tweets here and then show them to me: http://t.co/TtigcBWSIg Thank @alfageeek when you're done. |
| Sun Jun 08 21:21:19 +0000 2014 | RT @WheelTod: #ff @alfageeek & check out his awesome tweet archiving site http://t.co/bKJFypSMLK -- especially if your top FavStar isn't … |
| Fri Jun 06 23:19:57 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: Sometimes looking at my TL with its various penises & shaved pussies feels like home. It makes me want to sip hot chocolate … |
| Fri Jun 06 23:19:09 +0000 2014 | RT @Willowbottom: Spice Girls: The Clothed Years #madeupalbums |
| Sun Jun 01 19:53:36 +0000 2014 | Kanye West and Jay Z http://t.co/IvmuGMDKh7 Who Gon Stop Me |
| Sun Jun 01 07:57:46 +0000 2014 | RT @Glennmandirect: @pancakemixtape *shamefully turns away, bearing only a story of a weekend in a yurt with the ex-drummer from Warrant* |
| Sun Jun 01 07:57:44 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: If you've never spent a weekend in a yurt with the ex-drummer of Twisted Sister, I don't wanna hear about your mescalin… |
| Sun Jun 01 07:56:43 +0000 2014 | RT @pancakemixtape: Spending Saturday night with this billy goat and a vocoder mic trying to record another hit single for T-Pain. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:26:54 +0000 2014 | RT @RichHarris2: I want to write a tweet as meaningful as the Bible or 50 shades or Satanic Verses or Winnie the Pooh. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:26:50 +0000 2014 | RT @lindsaynothing: I don't want to be the the only person who believes in magic anymore. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:26:48 +0000 2014 | RT @EccentricPixie: invent me out of made up words sculpt me with invisible hands paint me outside the lines sing me into existence a mirac… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:26:35 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say. ~ Bryant H. McGill #quote |
| Sun Jun 01 05:26:31 +0000 2014 | RT @peppahluvxoxo: I guess this is alone.. Pretty happy about future changes.. Take us to sea mister Murdock.. Lets stretch our mermaid … |
| Sun Jun 01 05:26:22 +0000 2014 | RT @rotusbrossum: I just realized I was tryin to find me and the other eye crust’s crust I had to dance hard & beat asses es dance hard go!… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:26:17 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: 35 years, 11 months: the age threshold for double-clicking everything that doesn't need to be double-clicked, apparently. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:26:08 +0000 2014 | RT @MyrnaLRoy: Being happy isn't about what you have in life...it's your attitude about life. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:26:05 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: You get what you concentrate upon. There is no other main rule. ~ Jane Roberts #quote |
| Sun Jun 01 05:25:44 +0000 2014 | RT @MmeLaCrooz: I know I said I had no designs on you but that was only because I didn't have a Sharpie and you were awake. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:25:40 +0000 2014 | RT @legrant101: If you are depressed you are living in the past. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:25:31 +0000 2014 | RT @Cognitive_Diss: Do I try hard enough to make it look like I don't try too hard on the Twitterz? |
| Sun Jun 01 05:25:27 +0000 2014 | RT @Break_Faith: Seeing someone trip and casually walk it off never gets old |
| Sun Jun 01 05:25:22 +0000 2014 | RT @JustCallMeFrank: Twitter feeds on and nurtures mental instability. You can be better than that. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:25:13 +0000 2014 | RT @jwalkonthemoon: Embrace my ignorance. Embrace my stupidity. Embrace my flaws. Embrace my failures. Embrace my fears. Will you just hug… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:25:05 +0000 2014 | RT @hollywood_95_69: I really don't care what you believe in, as long as you do no harm and help make the world a better place. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:25:02 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: Just finished reading all your tweets; looking through your MySpace account right now. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:24:56 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: A Super Massive Black Hole would literally suck the big one. #sexualsciencestuff |
| Sun Jun 01 05:24:50 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: youthful enthusiasm but asleep in a recliner |
| Sun Jun 01 05:24:46 +0000 2014 | RT @LizzieEMB: Danger is my middle name. No that's not right. Easy, that's it! . . . . . To get along with! *rolls eyes* I'll show mys… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:24:33 +0000 2014 | RT @Genevieve0404: I had my ducks in a row once, the string broke, a gust of wind blew them into on coming traffic, none of them made it ac… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:24:21 +0000 2014 | RT @rotusbrossum: Wearing nothing but flip flops |
| Sun Jun 01 05:24:14 +0000 2014 | RT @parhwy: Satan retweeted your prayer. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:24:12 +0000 2014 | RT @asdfsemi: I bet time travel is a post singularity possibility. Of course then we'll have no interest in the value of our current wager … |
| Sun Jun 01 05:24:09 +0000 2014 | RT @msmollybee25: The best things in life can't be seen or touched. At least, that's what the restraining order says. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:23:57 +0000 2014 | RT @JustCallMeFrank: Everybody shush now... |
| Sun Jun 01 05:23:55 +0000 2014 | RT @Losephine: Repeating the same destructive patterns is kinda my thing. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:23:49 +0000 2014 | RT @_sweet_ham: I like dumb funny If that's any assurance as to why I followed you |
| Sun Jun 01 05:23:46 +0000 2014 | RT @KatWar1: After Twitter the lyric "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair" takes on a completely different meaning :-/ |
| Sun Jun 01 05:23:42 +0000 2014 | RT @Andee_Stewart: I thought you were a Crush but it was just a Fanta...see *trades soda cans but if I gave you a 7up would you still De… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:23:38 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: If you have anxiety about quitting your job, just do what I apparently did and cause the company to go out of business. On… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:23:34 +0000 2014 | RT @SSnatter: Asked the wife if the tax returns were done. She said for me not to worry my pretty little head I over it. What about my bi… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:23:28 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I was in an accident and ended up in the ICP for a few minutes. When I came back, I knew for a fact that Juggalos Are For R… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:23:24 +0000 2014 | RT @VioletThunk: Spirituality because 1) I’m certain all things will not and cannot be known, 2) it helps, 3) it doesn’t even matter if I’m… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:23:00 +0000 2014 | RT @jomartin26: Serious Tweet: Write about it, talk about it, but don't do anything stupid. We're already on the special bus of the univers… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:22:57 +0000 2014 | RT @ZekeKastens: Seriously...Why would you put peanut butter in the fridge? That shit fucks up my bread |
| Sun Jun 01 05:22:44 +0000 2014 | RT @nattylumpo88: *discovers the <turn off retweets> function on mobile Twitter* *quality of life improves .00000036%* *is nonetheless ov… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:22:38 +0000 2014 | RT @donkeyyogi: When you've finally trained your human to open the door on command, wait two minutes before walking thru. This will help es… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:22:32 +0000 2014 | RT @alfageeek: The Japanese schoolmates still got together now and then to drink an alcoholic beverage made from rice. Just for old time's … |
| Sun Jun 01 05:22:27 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: I've been described as the Diane Rehm of the hardcore adult entertainment industry. |
| Sun Jun 01 05:22:24 +0000 2014 | RT @1Tortured_soul: The very few genuine peoples paths whom crossed my meandering one on the twitter I'll always fondly remember even if t… |
| Sun Jun 01 05:22:12 +0000 2014 | RT @kewpiedoll2691: And the morning said "here's your hand basket and hell is that way". |
| RT @HispanicIcon: A tweet so bad that has to stay after school everyday until learns how to be good. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:21:38 +0000 2014 | RT @beingtheo: Try not to let your fear of being sensitive stand in the way of showing compassion. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:21:32 +0000 2014 | RT @dephorix1: I knew you were trouble when you said fuck it send | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:19:30 +0000 2014 | RT @_Anntics10: If there's a will, there's a way. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:17:34 +0000 2014 | RT @_Anntics10: This is what I want. You. You are what I want. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:15:54 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: pawn takes queen | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:15:37 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: On my mind today: SpongeBob's pay inequality. If I'd been alive during Humphrey Bogart times, would I have called women… | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:15:31 +0000 2014 | RT @Underchilde: Unlike his namesake, Sir Mix-&-Match-a-Lot was content living a humble life as a shop owner of gently used clothes. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:15:18 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: if you want to be pushy id say come stand behind me on this swing | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:15:16 +0000 2014 | RT @StuForReal: Do you even wake me up before you go go, bro bro | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:15:09 +0000 2014 | RT @pussy_woes: Maybe if I don't shower today ppl at work will stay away. Except for that creep Ted. He hasn't been quite right since the s… | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:15:04 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: ~ We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell ♥ #quote | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:14:53 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: One day a magical elf will fly in & sprinkle crunched up fairy wings over all the people of the world & in one instant..all … | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:14:41 +0000 2014 | RT @protolalia: me: Whose your favorite Chairman? cat: *who's | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:14:39 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: I saw a tweet with 99 RTs and 100 Favs. Now, because of me, it's 99 and 101. Suckah!!!! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:14:37 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: I will always choose hope, happiness and kindness over "the truth." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:14:30 +0000 2014 | RT @meaculpau27: I asked hubs to bring home fresh basil from the grocery store. He brought me a basil plant. Potted. #Becarefulwhatyouaskf… | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:14:24 +0000 2014 | RT @CosmicCat: Theres a special feeling seeing your tweet retweeted. Its like. Wow, someone likes me & accepts me. Then I imagine having ro… | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:14:21 +0000 2014 | RT @buffalodoctor: Dear Twitter, Why do you delete my drafts folder every time you update? Why? I know they were just drafts, but its all I… | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:14:05 +0000 2014 | RT @Ghetto_Trophy: I disliked your tweet. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:14:02 +0000 2014 | RT @everylilthing: if you love me you love me you cant help it *shrugs* | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:13:58 +0000 2014 | RT @Cognitive_Diss: I only go to the gym to increase my cuddling skills. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:13:51 +0000 2014 | RT @LollySassafras: Oh hey, what's up pancakes? What time you get here? Brownie wit'chu or nah? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:13:46 +0000 2014 | RT @1Tortured_soul: Laid defeated among alley trash within my shadow cast by a flickering, partially lit jesus saves neon sign, counting bl… | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:13:35 +0000 2014 | RT @donkeyyogi: I wish my human would stop putting little hats on me. : ( | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:13:20 +0000 2014 | RT @twilighteyes08: Isn't it refreshing to know that we will all go down in history as the great philosophers of our time? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:13:17 +0000 2014 | RT @Toastburglar: Maybe if my tweets were funnier he'd love me. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:13:14 +0000 2014 | RT @RobbyRob313: What part of "I'm stuck in my neighbor's doggy door" don't you understand? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:13:10 +0000 2014 | RT @c123harrris: We're sorry: Chhristoppher is now following you! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:13:06 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: sparkles for breakfast | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:12:59 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: It's all linked together like chains and I'm Alice without a leash or a wonderland. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:12:51 +0000 2014 | RT @jomartin26: If ur interested in living next to a loud obnoxious drunk who has lots of people over,BBQs,& gets cop visits the house next… | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:12:41 +0000 2014 | RT @cndluluv: There's always the carnival. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:12:39 +0000 2014 | RT @ImSorryToo: plot twist: nobody is crazy and everyone deserves respect and love. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:12:35 +0000 2014 | RT @EvilSchwartzie: There was a baby in the store with a gigantic head. He fell asleep and tipped over. So far, he's my favorite baby ever. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:12:30 +0000 2014 | RT @jomartin26: Need some excitement in your life? Harbor a fugitive. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:12:23 +0000 2014 | RT @kriistol1: "You were barking mad when you got here, barking mad girl." Psychiatric Nurse to me in discharge meeting. I in fact, may hav… | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:12:07 +0000 2014 | RT @pimewasgood: Life, liberty, and the pursuit of esoteric porn subgenres. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:12:05 +0000 2014 | RT @AddledPixie: *rappels to rock bottom just to sit with you, and hold your hand* | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:12:01 +0000 2014 | RT @jennslyn: If you just got goosebumps, that was just from me singing the fuck out of that Juice Newton song. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sun Jun 01 05:11:57 +0000 2014 | RT @LoveScopes: There are no failures, just experiences and your reactions to them. ~ Tom Krause #quote
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